DOSE:

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

58 kg

ECSTASY: FRIEND OR FOE

THE EXPERIENCES:
I first tried Ecstasy in my bedroom when I was 14 years old. I had been given a pill from Amsterdam by a member of my family. I have memories of that night as one of sheer bliss, having taken only a half pill but feeling invincible. I danced around my room for hours! And there was no music!!! The next time I dropped E was the day I met my girlfriend's parents. I could control myself and was still only taking half pills. Back then, there was a noticable energy boost and mood lift, some sweating, but little or no come down or jaw clenching.

1 year later: The first time I dropped a full pill was a very strange day indeed. Life-altering. I had not dropped E in a long time, seeing as very few people supply to 15 year old kids. I was supposed to be meeting a friend of mine to go to a gig. I was also supposed to give her a pill but couldn't sort her out. She ended up dumping me and leaving me alone in the city with no-one to supervise me. At this point the trip was a little overwhelming. I experienced my first eye-wiggles and wandered around the city, overwhelmed by the sights and sounds. I spoke with several strangers, even buying lunch for a homeless woman.

I also met a semi-celebrity and discussed volunteer work he was doing in the local environmental awareness centre. About 3 hours into my trip I rang a friend of mine and invited her into town to hang out. I admitted to her that I was on E and she actually dealt with it really well, treating me like I was just really happy, and not dosed on E. It was my most pleasant experience on E ever.

The following summer, when I was 16 I spent a few weeks in Amsterdam with some family. One of my cousins lives in amsterdam and I was staying in his apartment. The first night I went out I was given a baggie of speed and some hydroponic grass. My god. That was my first and only time doing amphetamine. It was just like Ecstasy without any of the emotion. The idea of such a drug disgusted me. However we went to a rave the following night and I dropped a mitsubishi. That was my first rave and probably my best. We were dancing in some guy's apartment until the early hours of the morning.

Despite my extreme nausea during my peak (due to such strong pills) I didn't suffer any major physical consequences. During my stay in the dam I also attended Dance valley; probably my single biggest rave ever. I took a total of 3 pills over 15 hours and for the first time experienced severe bodily discomfort. I was shivering all over and could not dance at all. I felt euphoric, but inebriated. My memory of the experience is somewhat blurred and very trippy(I smoked a bit of Dutch weed while there).

1 year later: This summer began with a prolonged drug session in a secluded cottage far out in the countryside. We had a lot of weed and a total of 7 pills with us. The pills we had were supposed to be the best in the country, and I sincerely believe that to be true. The second night saw 4 of us taking half-pills of XTC. We were up all night playing video games, dancing, chatting etc. The experiences of Ecstasy in that cottage were not very memorable, but certainly enjoyable. I was the only person there who had tried X before. We also smoked a pill which had little effect.
The last night in the cottage involved us 4 taking half pills again, but this time we soaked a toilet roll in poppers and tripped out on stimulants, an enjoyable but draining experience.

Later this summer: I have recently done half-pills at a number of drug sessions(usually with only weed)and have noticed little benefit. The euphoric high is non-existant, or easily forgotten. Just a few days ago I finally decided to up my dose while at a dance festival. I took two full pills and suffered greatly for it. My jaw is still sore and my memory of the event is only pleasant up to the point where I came up. It seems that increased doses leave me with little memory of actually being high and a very clear and unpleasant memory of dealing with the side-effects. Apparently I was grinning an awful lot and chatting madly to my friends for an hour or so, but I can't remember. All I remember is sitting down with my friends feeling very dizzy and trippy. I hallucinated quite a bit and couldn't walk in a straight line. I also lacked any of the empathy or connection I usually feel. There was no energy boost.

CONCLUSION:
I will soon be 18 years old and an adult. I also have my final year of school to worry about. I have thusly decided to give Ecstasy a rest for a year or so, especially considering the fact that my sense of emotion and ability to remember my trips has been gradually disappearing. I am glad I took Ecstasy during my teenage life, and also that I never slipped into regular use or abuse. I believe that if used periodically and without increasing the dosage above 120mg, Ecstasy can provide a vast array of experiences, and I believe several of my earlier trips did indeed awaken my sense of honesty and beauty. Like a first true love, I will never forget the time I spent discovering this truly special drug. The spark seems to be gone now, and its time to move on to real life, to search for something beyond to realm of highs and lows and to realise that drugs are only a tiny portion of a very big world.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 17191
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 12, 2007	Views: 6,460
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MDMA (3) : Various (28), Loss of Magic (34), Retrospective / Summary (11)