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I Hate It, but I Need It
Tobacco
Citation:   Bedoo. "I Hate It, but I Need It: An Experience with Tobacco (exp17883)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2006. erowid.org/exp/17883

 
DOSE:
  smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 190 lb
I have been a smoker now for 2 years, and I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was to start. My first pack was great, but I couldn't smoke more than 5 per day. Now I can't smoke less than 10.

The first couple packs were great. I would go out back of my highschool with my friend that introduced me to cigarettes (damn him) and we'd light up. The buzz was great before class. Soon enough, 1 cigarette wasn't giving me that buzz anymore, and I would have 2. Sure enough I was becoming addicted.

About 6 months after I had started, I woke up one night coughing and wheezing. I knew it was from the cigarettes (or all the weed) so I decided NO MORE. and threw out my half pack. The first day was fine, but on the second I began to feel the effects of withdrawl. A horrible paniky feeling and an extreme urge to smoke. Sure enough, I started smoking again. Since then I have made many unsuccessful attempts at quitting, but to no avail. I now wake up every morning, hating myself for what I was about to do, then lighting up that first one of the day.

This shit is so hard to quit, and I don't even know why. I want to quit, but some part of me needs the nicotine.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 17883
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 28, 2006Views: 9,385
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Tobacco (47) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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