DOSE:

smoked

Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

A month or so ago one of my friends found a menthol cigarette on one of the benches at school. He showed it to me and another friend and we decided to smoke it at his house after we got off the bus. It was the first one I had ever smoked.

A few days later at school I saw a kid in front of me giving a cigarette to one of his friends and asked if I could buy a few from him. He just gave me 4 and said it was alright.

After school I smoked one behind my house nervously because I thought my parents would come home soon, I got away with it and later that night crawled out my window to smoke another, also nervously.

It became a routine for me, I would ask the kid at school for a couple each day and smoke one after school and at least one at night, always nervous that my parents would catch me.

I eventually talked to another one of my friends who could drive and buy packs at a gas station. I would grab my wallet and she would pick me up and check to see if the guy that sells them without carding her was in. I bought 2 packs, and then another 2.

The routine became more habitual as I started smoking more than one after school, and always more than one at night. I found that I could leave the house early in the morning and smoke at a park before going to the bus stop, always nervous about being caught. I always wanted to smoke one after school, and figured that the craving wasnt an addiction because I wasnt experiencing any physical withdrawl symptoms.

I found myself smoking at school in the morning on campus, also nervously, and stopped worrying so much about if people could smell it on me. I got used to smoking and the inhale wasnt nearly as harsh as it had been. I started accepting smoking as something that I did and less as something other people did.

I took on a different attitude about anit-smoking organizations, 'Why cant they just let us make our own decisions?', and started reading things about the lies that anti-smokers tell.

On occasion I found that I had no more cigarettes left and felt strange without one when my parents left on the weekends. When they left I chain smoked in my back yard and worked it into my schedule better, always worrying that I would need one when I couldent have one.

I sometimes got headaches and stiff necks, I just told myself that it was because I wasnt used to smoking so many in one day, but the pain went away when I did smoke them.

I started thinking that maybe I was more attached than I had previously thought, and maybe I should stop. Even though I knew that they were bad for me I still wanted to smoke them, just because I enjoyed it.

Just this night I decided to write a report about my experience because of what they are doing to me. Its not all that profound honestly, I'm still basically the same person I was before, but something has changed about me that I'm not sure of. Sneaking out my window while my parents are still awake just outside of my door was something I would have never done before, the risks I am taking are not me. The headaches get worse and I sit and bite my nails and smoke 'air' cigarettes when I dont have any.

I'm still not sure if I'm truely addicted yet, the cravings are nervous and unpleasant, and I am just now thinking about how nervous they make me, in general. Nervous when I smoke them, nervous when I dont. I started smoking because it relaxed me, but now I realize that it wasnt the case at all.

If you are new to smoking and still counting how many you have smoked in your life then stop. Its not worth it at all.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 19244
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 28, 2002	Views: 18,208
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Tobacco - Cigarettes (266) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), First Times (2)