DOSE:		IV	AMT
		IV	Heroin

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Here, in plain writing, is a brief summary of what can be called either my downfall into drug induced doom, or perhaps my severance from all things societal. I am 19 years old and I think I may have almost done it all. I don't quite know what happened, as the years before my dive into ritualistic braincell sacrifice have become a bit blurred, but I remember something about being bored and wanting to check out the underworld.

Little did I know how quickly I would be sucked into its heaving usurping vortex! Drugs came on in a steady way--that is, a steadily increasing way, sort of like one of those curves that doubles in height per each unit of length... or whatever. Forgot the name of that shit.

Ok, so on with it. It went from a little bit of alcohol at age 13 to first drunk and stone at age 16, ecstasy age 17 along with acid and nutmeg and robitussin right before my birthday, went to detox for the x, at age 18 I did mushrooms and have flipped out on many of them time and time again, started a viscious cocaine habit that took away 7 months of my life and ruined my chance at college, fucking blow, ruined deep parts of my soul that were once good, wrecked a perfect relationship, quit and haven't done since.

There were many times with many things, a horrid mindwarping trip on dxm, various rolls, drunks, highs, and late in my 19th year of space occupation on mother earth I found the needle. Or it found me. Nonetheless, I wanted it, and was done with the coke and the amphetamine, and in the college town that I dwell there are no opiates so I was lucky to have a friend with the notorious AMT.

I ate it a few times, liked it, and then started putting it in my veins regularly. How I slid into needle use is still a mystery to me, but I know that there was something of and admiration in the terrible romance of it, or perhaps the stark reality. The blood, the rush, the whole goddamn thing gets stuck in my head and I like it everytime. The AMT was fine for a while, but at about week two of regular everyday or every-otherday use, I was getting fairly disfigured and run down from slamming so much aura-sol.

One week before I write this, I decided to lay off AMT to let my arms heal and let my soul rest and was simultaneously (and magically) brought HEROIN from this crazy kid I know who is very addicted to benzodiazepine and now, heroin as well. It was a few days after I got the H that my roommate decided to kick me out. I have a week and a half left. Today was the first day I shot up outdoors while on foot, with these two kids I know hanging out and smoking bowls. Goddamn I fucked up again and again with the needle. I fucked up my chance to shoot up tomorrow, and I don't have much shit left and I don't have a car to get to Denver to get the smack and it wastes so much to smoke. This kid who gets it for me, he's totally fuckin whacko. My age, but he was literally never a totally acceptable dude, you know? I mean, I got a job and work in public face to face with AMERICAN society. This kid, he would need a lot of drugs to handle that. He doesn't have a phone either, I just wait for him to show up, and I don't know when he will!

It has been a single week since I developed this heroin thing, and in such short time my life has turned to this. I bought a knife today, and space blanket, and other things to keep me alive when I move to Florida or California. Fuck Colorado, this winter town and its hippy crowd can eat my dick. Let's drink beer, smoke buds, wiggle around until we pass out while a few guys play the drunken bongos for moments. Sounds great. Instead, I seek the place where the fire burns brightest. I am doomed now to this cursed existence, a medley mix of pain and peace, the damned path of the vampire. No matter where I escape to, all I pray for is to live one full day as a warrior, and to die like a thief.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 23539
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 23, 2005	Views: 16,032
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Heroin (27), AMT (7) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)