DOSE:

repeated

IV

Heroin

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

It started with the prescription drugs... oxy/hydrocodone, morphine, and later Oxycontin. I started using heroin just a few years ago, but never shot it until just a few months ago. It was a decision I'll regret to my dying day, which I'm convinced will be somehow associated with the drug. My girlfriend and I had beed using it recreationally for a month or so, but she decided to stop out of feelings of guilt. I should have stopped with her. Instead, I continued using for a while, until guilt caught up with me too -- but by then it was too late. I managed to stop, but only for a few days -- I was so dopesick I was in danger of losing my job, and was basically forced to buy another bag. Well, I lost the job anyway, and started shooting just a couple days later. My first experience was a poor one, but I decided to give it another go. What a mistake. I already knew how to prepare a shot, thanks to movies like Drugstore Cowboy and Requiem for a Dream, so I bummed a syringe from my dealer, bought a bundle and set to work making myself into a junkie.

The stuff was good -- real clean, dissolved into the spoon the instant the tiny, hairline jet of water hit it from the needle. I dropped in a miniscule bit of cotton and sucked the fluid through it into the resevoir of the syringe, marveling over how clear it was. I was hooked before the needle even hit my skin. Tying off with a belt, I strangely thought of my mother... The needle found my vein effortlessly, and i drew back, watching the crimson mushroom cloud travel through the cylinder of brown fluid. I pushed. As soon as i removed the belt, i could feel a sweet, relaxed sensation travel outward from my chest over my entire body. I shuddered with virtually orgasmic ecstasy, dropping the spent syringe on my desk. A quick swab of alcohol over my arm, and i washed out my syringe a half dozen or so times. I was definitely going to use it again, and use it again I did.

It just feels to good to let go. Now, months and thousands of dollars later, I still cant see myself quitting -- I love it too much. Every aspect, from the score to the prep to the high, it's my dirty little secret and it keeps me alive... gives me a reason to go to work every day, gives me a reason to BE. But it's killing me, I know this all too well. It used to be a couple bags, now its six, it used to be once a day, now its every three hours, and my arms look like shit. Still, I cant imagine life without it, and that scares me more than death itself... never pick up a needle.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 23690
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 12, 2005	Views: 13,207
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Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)