DOSE:

repeated

Heroin

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

During my adolesece I always had an intense need to try everything at least twice. That was basically referring to chemicals and plants, pills and powders of all sorts. Anything that was there, I would try. And I did. Ecstasy, DXM, coke, crack, pot, opium, angel dust, ketamine, percacets, vicodin, all sorts of benzodazapines (which I was later prescrbed anyway), anything. But I had always had a fear of smack. From seeing so many close friends turn into miserable junkies, I told myself over and over that I would stay away from that, and I did. Until April.

For a long time I had been very curious about heroin. I had been around it for so many years. Sitting in the basement with friends while they pull the pluger and sit back into a state of complete euphoria was enough to get me thinking. I told myself that I could try it just the once, just to see what all the fuss was about. And so I did. Later that week a friend came over and gave me the last of his bag. A quarter of it went up my nose and I sat down and waited. Within 3-5 minutes it had begun, my head became a bit cloudy accompanied by a slight nauseas feeling. But then I felt great. I was in love. We sat and talked and made mixed tapes for a few hours. When I came down I felt a little warn out, but in a good way.

So that was that, my first experience with heroin, but certainly not my last. Its a myth that one hit gets you hooked. But after that first hit, its the induvidial's decision whether or not to keep going. I kept going. At first I would split a bag with someone every couple of weeks when a run was made (we had to travel an hour up the turnpike in order to score the shit for cheap). Runs were being made more often as the days progressed and soon we were sitting inside for 3 days at a time binging.

During those weekends I would get so wasted and sit in a chair scratching all over and smoking cigarette after cigarrette all night long. I felt fantastic, that as long as I felt like this, then everything in the world was right. I felt so warm, so dissasociated with everything besides the feeling of eauphoria rushing through my body. It seemed like it was great fun. A room with your best friends doing smack, talking, watching movies, and I guess it was great fun.

Unfortunatly Tuesday came around and my bags were all scraped clean. That night was torture, I couldnt sleep, I kept tossing and turning, sweating then getting chills and there was this uncomfortable tingling in my back and legs. Nothing made it go away aside from downing some xanax and smoking a bowl.

I guess thats when it really started. The next day I was informed that we finally had a straight source that was close to home. So 2 times a week we would visit this guy and purchase a bundle (10 bags) for usually $80. So with the 10 bags we were set. We sold about half the bags to other kids around our area and made some money back. The trips began to increase as the demand increased and in turn we were doing more and more.

In the end we had made trips to score almost everyday, still suppling it, but doing most of it. I became a heroin adict rapidly and I didnt even know it. At the time I didnt realise that I didnt go one day without getting high at least 3 times. I stopped drinking and taking any other drugs because heroin was all I wanted, all I needed. It took over everything, I had to do a bag just to be able to function normally.

I was losing friends because I was doped up all the time and had apparetly changed. I wasnt the fun girl who was always the life of the party anymore. It stopped being fun. Of course I had myself convinced that I was fine, that I could get through being sick and just stop. But thats what everyone thinks.

I of course was wrong. Recently, on the way back from a run I got a call from my mother. She was crying and telling me to come home right away. When I got in she told me that she had gone up into my room and looked on my computer (damn this machine) and seen an opened file, a letter to my friend in jail saying that I was a heroin adict. I guess I was too high to really care that the file was open in plain view. My stupididy has ruined my life as I am now being forced (might I stress the word 'forced') to detox and stay clean. My car keys and all of my momey have been confiscated and im trapped in the house trying to get through the second day of being clean. Im sick right now and its not pleasant. Not unbearable because Im on Lorazapam for the anxiety and Ive been sneaking percacets for the pain.

I cant say that this is going to stick. All I think about is making a phone call and making all this anguish just disapear. But Im trying my best to give it a shot.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 24550
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 28, 2007	Views: 11,987
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Heroin (27) : Hangover / Days After (46), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)