DOSE:

repeated

oral

Methamphetamine

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

190 lb

First off, this is a report of a non-recreational use of methamphetamine -- I had to cram for my linear algebra exam, and remembering how alert and focused I felt last time I used meth for 'fun', I decided to give it a shot.

My exam was on Saturday morning, and I really did not open the textbook until Wednesday morning. I bought 0.2g of meth (crystallized form), crushed it to fine powder and cut it with 1.9g of lactose. Then I measured 7 doses of 0.3g and capped it off, giving approximately 28.5 mg methamphetamine per capsule. The reason I cut it in the first place is that I had no access to an analytical balance, and this was the only way to guarantee a somewhat precise dose in each cap.

Day 1.

Dropped at around 11am Wednesday just before breakfast. Felt it kick in just as I was finishing my bowl of cereal. Wasted time settling at my desk -- had to arrange everything in a way that would not interfere. Studying went well, a bit too well. I felt like I was watching myself solving linear systems and was able to spot mistakes before I made them. Hit the burnout at around 4pm. Had to remind myself to drink, was not hungry at all, and smoked like a chimney. Dropped the second one at 5pm or so, studied with smoke breaks until 1am. Smoked a joint, went to sleep. Even though falling asleep was not much trouble, I did not sleep too well, therefore woke up tired... But wait a second, did I ever have a solution for that!!!

Day 2.
Woke up and realized I wanted to drop a cap before I had time to walk to the bathroom. Took a shower and made myself eat breakfast (was not hungry at all, even though I didn't have anything to eat since last breakfast). Eating was not horrible, but didn't feel good and made my stomach feel like it was full of concrete. Dropped a cap after breakfast -- onset was a bit more gradual and did not feel as dissociated. The rest of the day went like day 1, except this time I did not feel strange, just very productive. Drank a lot of coffee and once again had to remind myself to drink water. No desire to eat whatsoever. I made it a point to not drop after 6pm, so I can sleep. Once again sleep was not very sound and dreams were nasty.

Day 3.
This was the day before the exam. My friend, call him C, was doing the same thing and we were studying together. This is when both he and I started to feel like if we didn't drop a cap, the day would be useless and unproductive. This is also when we stopped talking to other people because it was simply pointless -- they were too slow and would not understand. Smoking 1.5 packs a day by now. Interestingly the brain, even though influenced by meth, retained most of the knowledge. I started noticing that I would do the same problem 3 or 4 times to make sure there were no mistakes. I would also subdivide the page I was writing on to make the solution more presentable. I did not realize it then, but I was doing too much work, too much useless work. After my 5pm cap I barely felt the increase in energy -- it seemed that the jib didn't do its job. C wanted to drop another one, but I stopped him. It was harder than I thought since I wanted to get that 'extra boost' as well. We started to talk less and less, mainly communicating with nods, shakes and hand waves. Seemed like a perfectly efficient way for us at the time though. I noticed that I lost weight. then I remembered that I forgot to even eat breakfast or take a shower, the first thing I did was pop the cap, and it rolled from there. I could not make myself eat this day, and by the end of it (1-2am) I felt dizzy every time I stood up from the chair. My brain loved the textbook though. Went to sleep, slept poorly again.

Day 4 -- exam day
As soon as I woke up I realized that I only have one cap left, and the exam is 3 hours long. Writing the test not on speed was out of the question -- I mean, what, am I stupid? In goes the cap! took a shower this time, and had cereal. Food felt bad, very bad. Got to the exam room, sat down, opened the test and started writing. Looking back at it I realize I was writing all that came to my head, whether relevant or not, so I filled up the entire exam with writing. Backs of pages, margins, everything. I was determined to not lose the 'train of thought' and I had to write it down. The time passed very fast and I felt like a 'job well done'. I walked out of the exam room with C and he had the same feeling. I have to admit that the retention of material (700-page textbook) was very good. I also admit that there is no other way I could have kept my ass glued to the chair doing stupid exercises for 3 days and not spacing out. And once again I have to admit that without meth I wouldn't even hope to get 85% in linear algebra -- a third year course, with 3 days of studying. The tricky part is that what I felt, differed from what I was, and the aftermath of this is still haunting me, a week after.

Day 4 -- burnout
Do I even need to mention that I felt like dropping a cap after the exam? Well, since I had no more and both C and I decided to really kick each others’ asses if we bought any, I had to sit back and take in the burnout. It was horrible. I felt irritable, I felt like I had nothing to do and everything I did was pointless. Above all I felt like I was wasting time. I still did not want to eat, I was weak, I was tired but unable to sleep, nothing felt good, I was still smoking like a chimney. I was pissed off at everybody, C included, and he was pissed off at me, for no reason. The worst part was that I realized that there was no reason for this 'pissed off mood', but could not help it. Smoked a joint and that did not feel good either. All I felt like doing was more speed. Drank a beer, but felt like shit still. Almost hallucinating -- felt like there was someone around (no visuals, no auditory, just 'a feeling') when I was alone in the apartment... Somehow managed to fall asleep.

Day 5 -- afterburn
I was a total tripcase. Slow, messy, lacked attention. The exact opposite of being on meth. I did nothing all day, and the day seemed to drag on forever. Even when I tried to do something I ended up being distracted or simply spacing out. Finally ate because I realized I had to use an elevator instead of stairs due to lack of any energy whatsoever, although eating still did not feel too good. Smoked weed all day and fell asleep. It was a lot better in the days that followed.

Reflections, questions, conclusions -- one week later.

Did it help me study and take the exam? Yes. I can still find an orthonormal basis to any subspace of any domain, and I can still diagonalize a matrix in my head. The material got engraved in my brain.

Was it efficient in doing so? No. I did way too much useless work.

Was it good for my body? No. Actually very bad. Drained myself to below empty in every way.

Was it worth it? To this day I feel the effects, both psychological and physical, not so much physical though. Somehow meth comes up in my thoughts at least 10 times a day, and I don't see that ever going away. Maybe sharing the experience by writing this will help, I don’t know.

I feel that the only way I am doing this again is in case of an emergency, and I mean emergency. I do not want to repeat the experience, the load on my body or (especially) the burnout.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 26181
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: May 24, 2006	Views: 11,046
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