DOSE:

oral

Cacti - T. pachanoi

(plant material)

So far after trying mescaline twice, I have a vague impression of the drug's action on my psyche. The First time I tried it, I just got my san pedro cactus in the mail, and I stripped off approximately half of the green xylem (the only part that contains mescaline) and I gave it a few days to dry. I consumed this, and had a very light trip. Very dream-like, music sounded incredible, and there were slight visuals. Nothing really came out of the trip, and I was left with the vaguest impressions.

Then only 2 nights later I had a very strong urge to cut up the rest of the cactus and trip. I really don’t want to say it was out of boredom, but of course I think that was a large part of it. So I took the rest of the cactus out of the refrigerator and cut it up. This time I didn’t have any time to let it dry, so I put it in the blender and chopped it into a nice foamy slime.

Words cannot describe how disgusting the texture of that foam was going down my throat. The taste wasn’t all that bad, but the texture, BLEH! I almost threw up several times downing the 20 ounces of nastiness. YUCK! I can’t believe I was that determined to have a different’ mind-set that night. I think it was much more for negative reasons than positive ones that night. (i.e. escaping boredom of my hometown and loneliness)

Well I started feeling a little dreamy and different after I finished drinking the fluid. It took about an hour to drink so it makes sense. I then went outside to hang out with my brothers friends (I’m semi-comfortable with them socially) for a while. They were all just standing around waiting for cannabis.

One of the effects I’ve noticed of mescaline is its empathy nature involved in it. This is not similar to MDMA in my experience, because I was way, way too confused to have any “normal” conversation with anyone, but I tried my hardest to understand their emotions. Right before I abruptly left the group I was starting to trip pretty hard. Communication was getting very difficult, and I spent a good deal of time trying to understand my brother’s girlfriend’s emotions. Basically cutting it down to the basics, Anger, Laughter, and Happiness. Then it became apparent I couldn’t for the LIFE of me understand the social situation around me and I took that as a good cue to leave.

This left me by myself at about 12 o’clock, alone. I laid down, realizing this was going to be a full blown trip and not just a little jaunt like the trip before. It took a few minutes of thinking to condemn myself for taking a powerful psychedelic without actually DOING anything in my life to earn it. *i.e. living life, (it’s been summer, I’ve been doing nothing, no work, not much social activity, I really hate it)* but that went away as quick as it came, and I sort of apologized to the drug, and I got up. No use spending this time in a negative vibe.

I wrote a few things on a little dry erase board so that my family could see. We’re not a tight family at all. I wrote something along the lines of “let’s help lift each others sprits as a family”. It was VERY strange to note that I couldn’t for the life of me remember what the word family meant. I didn’t know if I spelt it right, then I all out couldn’t even remember what the word meant. I think that is an extremely frank sign that I’m lacking in that part of my life. This is pretty obvious sober, I just tend to avoid the thought. I believe family is a very important part of life; part of the basics, and when you’re missing it, your missing a very important part of life. I ended up hiding the marker board and not posting it, after writing some more personal things on it.

The thing about san pedro is that it feels so much different than any psychedelic I’ve ever tried. Probably because it’s a phenalyphalamine (sp?) more related to MDMA then Mushrooms or LSD. But it’s such a dreamy feeling, I can honestly say that It could take the cake for the best drug induced music perception. Everything just feels like a dream. It’s very easy to relax and just chill out, unlike Mushrooms or LSD, where I constantly feel driven by thoughts or uncomfortableness, or just plain wiredness.

I then went up to my room and drew. This was part of the reason for taking the mescaline anyway. To draw on my completely white walls. About a month prior (after LSD inspiration) I tore down my wallpaper, took my bed out, and took all my furniture out, to try to have the least amount of possessions possible. So now my blank walls as a huge canvas in front of me, I wanted to paint my story. Unfortunately I don’t have much pride in my life in my hometown (I really hate it) so the art I did on mescaline totally brought it out. I was in tears for almost the whole duration.
*At college I have finally found a large degree of happiness, just at home I had a horrible childhood, and it brings me back to the negative feelings when I’m in my hometown. A bad, bad association.*

I learned a lot about artwork that night. I consider myself musically “gifted” compared to my written art ability. I frankly think I suck at tangible artwork. But I realized as I was drawing, that I was becoming fully enveloped in the art. I was living completely in the moment and every inch of the lines off the pencil had meaning. There was no thinking at all, it was simply EMOTION to PAPER. This was an astounding revelation for me, how much raw emotion could be put into a piece of artwork. Because I’ve always been inhibited in my artwork I’ve never felt it. It’s safe to say, I’ve never felt so artistic in my life. When I finished my drawing on one wall I stood back to look at it, and it was truly eerie.

It was something resembling what I’ve looked at in Standlov Groff’s LSD Therapy book. It was a picture of my hands (I envisioned the face but didn’t draw it) surrounded by a vaginal wall. My hands had spider webs on them. It was evident that I’ve been trying to push out of this “vagina” for some time now. I’m trying to be on my own more and more. It was a both depressing and wonderful image at the same time, I was amazed at how perfectly it symbolized my struggle to be free from my mother. The fact that I didn’t think once while drawing it, and now there was this gorgeous piece of artwork in front of me boggled my mind! I was quite amazed.

I continued drawing, at one point turning off all the lights, except for my headlamp which was quite cool. I was all over the place, on the floor, upside down, on my knees, it was a VERY creative experience. After a few hours I knew it was time to end the painting of my room. And I did. With a final sketch of my old bong (which came out without me thinking it), and next to the bowl pack I wrote in huge letters: “the torch of HOPE” On a side note, I quit smoking weed some time ago, but I found this drawing hilarious. My bong was part of some very good times I’ve had in my life, and it was good to see it immortalized in my walls.

The rest of the night was engulfed in music and thinking. Another thing I noticed of mescaline is the extreme positivity about myself. I was very happy with myself, admiring the “vibe” I present in social situations. It was a very pleasant time. I wouldn’t say it was megalomania, I think it was just some overdue good compliments about myself. I also thought of the people that meant the most to me (at the time, you can almost count them all on one hand. I’ve been far too socially isolated lately, and I’m starting to feel it.)

I spent the morning looking for a lost cat (there’s signs all around my neighborhood) Because I saw a cat fitting the description a little earlier in my trip. I felt a search like this could connect my neighborhood. I felt a strong urge to have everyone in my neighborhood connected, and the thought of this ever happening felt really good. Even though the reality of it is quite dim.

I’d have to say I am very excited to try tripping with a friend on this substance. It seems like a VERY good drug to be with a good friend on, or a drug to patch up family situations. I think this substance has a lot of potential. (As if the Native American’s need anyone to tell them that) Unfortunately I didn’t feel any afterglow, and felt very lethargic afterwards. The experience also mimics a dream in the way the memory fleets from my mind. It’s only a few days after it, and I’m already having trouble remembering a lot from it.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 26305
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 22, 2003	Views: 40,448
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Cacti - T. pachanoi (64) : Alone (16), Families (41), Glowing Experiences (4), Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1)