BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

The following is a retrospective account of my experiences with meditation.

SET: Middle-class suburban white American male, age 12 going on 13. I had no religious beliefs at the time (I had given up my faith in the Bible at the age of 9 or 10 and since then had not adhered to any belief or ism including Atheism – which is the belief that there is no god). I had an interest in the paranormal but did not take such things too seriously. I was a fan of Kung Fu movies and this led me to read Kung Fu magazines. I read an article or two about Taoist meditation and as I understood it, the practice of meditation could help one cultivate Chi in addition to achieving some peace of mind. That was as far as I understood meditation. I did not expect enlightenment, bliss, or any sort of spiritual evolution or transcendence. As skeptical as I was about the existence of Chi, I was curious enough to try the practice of meditation to see if I could achieve any results. I was taking no drugs at the time nor had I ever tried any mind-altering substances at that age.

SETTING: A daily practice in my bedroom, no lights, on the floor, cross-legged or ‘Indian-style’, silence or with music playing, slow, relaxed, deep breathing, usually mid-day. This practice was begun around half way into summer vacation.

At first I had to struggle to remain still and to breath properly for an extended period of time, but after a number of days, the practice came easier. After about a week or so I began feeling quite calm and relaxed while meditating. Around the end of the second week I had no problem meditating for an hour or more. I was beginning to feel a deepening relaxation.

Although I had no lights on, I could see a little and I noticed that when I moved my arms I could see a billowy mist-like cloud of greenish to yellowish gaseous light surrounding and trailing off from my body. I took this to be a hallucination or maybe (just maybe) as actual Chi energy. I notice that I could ‘play’ with this energy i.e. I could move my arm in such a way as to let a blob of this stuff float away from that arm’s ‘aura’ and re-absorb it with the ‘aura’ of my other arm. I had no concept of an ‘aura’ at the time, but I am using this term now in retrospect in order to better describe this effect.

By about the third week or so I was beginning to laugh spontaneously about an hour or so into the practice. I also cried a lot. They were not the sort of tears one gets when one yawns, but flowing tears like those one gets when one is very sad, but these tears were not accompanied by any negative emotion at all. They just flowed. The laughter was not caused by any humorous thoughts, but was accompanied by a non-specific feeling of intense joy and comedy. I had run through so many thoughts and imagined scenarios that I had run out and went through extended periods of non-thinking. That is when it began...

At this stage a very wide and deep sensation of calmness and bliss began to open like a flower opens to the sun. This was a very profound and indescribable experience, yet I could tell that it was merely a beginning of something I was not even able to yet imagine. I cannot stress how much I recommend the reader to pursue this experience.

The first day of the new school year came and although I promised myself I would meditate after school, I didn’t. Since that first day of school, I did not return to the practice and I have been trying to get back to it ever since. There has been times when I would meditate for a half hour a day for 3 days in a row, and then life with all its distractions would keep me from practicing it for months or years. Then I would try again and fail again.

Once felt, though, it is impossible to completely forget. Now at the age of 30, I am still trying. Last year I practiced meditation for many weeks and got almost nowhere. It seems it was a lot easier to achieve results as a younger man. Anyway, the first time I got high on cannabis (at the age of 18) I thought, “Wow, this is just like meditation, only not as good and with a lot of confusion”.

In summary, I would highly recommend this practice. Granted, sitting still, breathing deep and not thinking is the hardest thing for most people in this society to do, the rewards are far greater than the effort. Simply sitting still, trying to gently (yes, gently, not forcibly) cease all mental chatter and just wait, not anticipating, not looking ahead, just being there…. And it can come. When it does, one will open like a thousand pedaled lotus to the infinite universe.

Exp Year: 1986	ExpID: 29540
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 20, 2006	Views: 7,577
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Meditation (128) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)