DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Cannabis

(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

118 lb

I had smoked pot since I was 14, it was amazing then. The first time I could really peer back into my childhood personalized thoughts and perceptions of the world, I felt relaxed with the environment and people around me, everything looked nicely hazed and the environment felt calm, we shared intense laughs. Paranoia did come in mild doses then, we joked of how a ghost could be waiting for one of us as we went to the toilet in the dark, but nothing significant or as terrifying as what it lead too. Just kids experiencing their idea of a good time on a drug we were unaware did any mental damage.

A few years later I went on holiday with a friend and my parents, the holiday went as usual - I had my usual crashing out times where I didn’t feel like talking, head down on the table and people wondering why I was doing what I was doing. I had not used marijuana for over a week, as we traveled home in the dark I saw two stars get closer to each other, then widen apart again, then closer etc.....This was a sign!?, I had suddenly realised that the gods/higher entities were watching me, everything was created according to me, they were doing this because they wanted to know how I would deal with the world, it was all a giant lab experiment, they were trying to fool me as to what was going on with these simple colours and sounds... but now I could see through it all and I smiled a very arragont smile to myself. From then I had to judge what underlying context was said within their words, What were they trying to reach in and pull out of me? And more importantly Why!?

The first few days back at home, living in this nightmare were freaky to the extent I had never before experienced to say the least. I couldn’t say suicide hadn’t crossed my mind, but I needed to know more for sure, I felt myself growing closer towards a super being, something like Neo from the Matrix, I was soon going to be able to control the environment and this was my first learning step towards it, I felt a strange sense of untouchable arrogant self-confidence - it felt bad in itself, but seemed like the only good which was coming from this new world. I went to my friends house to smoke weed yet another time, I didn’t feel myself at all, I had morphed into this super being and they could see this. Their interaction and communication with each other was perhaps one of the strangest parts, their facial expressions to one another were freaky, a quick glance to each other ..it seemed speeded up although reality wanted me to think of this as insignificant.

As I tried to let them know I knew, they seemed very moved by this, they were in a state of panic and quickly changed subject and looked away, I devilishly fought back by hinting small things I had noticed that were essentially 'reality-flaws' and they felt the blow I had given them.

Along my way I had also realised that there were signs from the gods themselves, 3 dots adjoined in a diagonal line or triangle were from the devil, 4 dots adjoined in anyway meant god was on my side an for a moment I felt safe. I noticed these shaped on my friends faces, and as I looked at them they hit this freaky paranoia and carried on with the task they were last doing which seemed motion-speeded in a strange sense.

6 months down the line, with no ecstasy use, and little cannabis use, I have stepped out of that psychotic reality, I still dint feel 100% right and my memory long and short seems to have disappeared, I still feel like I’m living in a dream world to some extent, but nothing as horrific as what I had previously experienced. I am planning to stay clean for the rest of my days.

Yet it is a profound experience which I will never forget and even rely upon in superstition perhaps in the future.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29945
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 1, 2006	Views: 8,561
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Cannabis (1) : Various (28), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)