DOSE:		oral	Mushrooms
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

Well it was New Years, and another excuse to have a get together in which we ingest something to alter our minds. Not like we didn't take most every weekend to do that, but we were happy to have an occasion to party to. Things didn't go quite as planned for any of us, but the night was a learning experience.

In the previous week I'd been quite depressed. I was coming to the realization I'd forgotten to update myself as I'd grown up. I was technically an adult now, and yet still acted like my quiet 14 year old self. My old persona was out dated both personally and socially, and I was trying to find answers as to who it was I need to become. I was still in the midst of it this night, and tried to put the feelings aside for the sake of having a good time. That never works for psychedelics.

I received a call from my friends they were coming to pick me up soon, so I got myself all ready. They came and picked me up and we were off to a friend of ours'. It was then they informed me that we'd be able to get mushrooms there. I've had mixed experiences with mushrooms in the past, but I decided I'd try again. Then we were off, and the stage was set.

When we got there we had a big discussion about maybe going to another party for a few hours, and then coming back here. In the end only 2 people left for the other party. The rest of us went and ate our mushrooms. We were all just hanging out in the garage area that had been setup quite nicely. The guy who was selling them had sold all of his supply except one large mushroom. I had that and bits and pieces from eighths of my friends they didn't want. By this time I was in fairly good spirits. As, and after, we were choking down the mushrooms we were smoking bowls. I went against my better judgment in doing so because I wanted to just feel the mushrooms on their own. Too late, the night was already on it's way down.

I settled back into a sort of placid mood. I wasn't depressed, but drawn back definitely. This is a common mood I try to avoid with grass as it easily slips into a depressed and troubled mood. I got pretty quiet too. Sitting there with my friends, and some people I only kinda knew, I grew more and more distant and depressed. I wanted to burst into tears, and it was taking everything I had not to. I didn't want to leave in a depressed mess and make people worry about me, but I didn't want to stay there. More than once people commented on how sad I looked, but I just smiled and said everything was alright.

As far as the high goes I could tell the mushrooms were being totally smeared by the pot. The mushrooms were very dully there, but were playing extra hell with my emotions. I knew I had to stop smoking grass, and let the substances wear off. It made me a little happier to know I had the self control to know to stop. My friends smoked more, and I just sat there still trying to juggle my emotions.

Eventually we all went inside. It had been about an hour or so since we ate the mushrooms. There really wasn't much of any energy going through the place, and was considering just going to bed. I was watching TV with everyone, and that was fine. Both highs were pretty small by now and ignorable. Then I turned around to see a chilling site. Something was very wrong with a friend of mine. Her face had turned white and her lips purple. Too late, she'd already stopped breathing and fell dead-weight backwards. She hit her head against some stairs and went into what looked like little seizures. Her eyes were wide open in the same terror you see in a deer in headlights. I thought she was going to die. For some reason while the image of her face disturbed me, I didn't care as much as I should.

We soon found out she was bleeding from her head. We got her upstairs, and after a quick inspection from the sober adults there we knew she had to be taken to the emergency room. I held a cloth to the back of her head as her sister called her parents, and her boyfriend helped her to the car. In her half awake and damaged condition we got her into the car. Two sober adults (one drove), her sister, and her boyfriend went with her to this hospital. I would have gone too, but there wasn't room.

Well that was just dandy. How could the night get worse? I was having a terrible time, I'd taken substances when I knew I shouldn't, my friend might be dieing, and damned if I know if the police are going to show up here because of that. Well the guy who sold us the mushrooms was paranoid as hell, and left out a window. Which thinking back on it was a rather funny way to go about leaving the house.

I was sitting there depressed, annoyed, not feeling as much of the mushrooms as I'd like to have been, and then it hit me. I didn't have the answers to fix the part of myself that was depressed, and it was useless to just sit there depressed until I had the tools to better myself. Drawing energy from my diaphragm and pelvic area I resesitated myself emotionally. It was a move based deeply on orgonomy.

I committed right then and there to remember that sometimes being depressed isn't the answer, and I have to push the pain aside till I can deal with it later. I forced myself to start talking to people, and things got better. I was pretty much sober, and was committed to having a better time. I didn't pull it off perfectly, but it was a start.

Well my friend didn't die. She was fine after a few stitches, and was back on her feet in a few days. The police never came, and no one got in trouble. It was certainly an interesting night, and one mixed bag of lessons. I really got exactly what I put into the night back.

What did I learn?

Never, never, NEVER, take a psychedelic substance if I know I've been in a bad mood phase in my life or even just my day. This will come back to bite me as soon as my superficial happiness has been whittled away, and then it's just me wrestling all those emotions I tried to hold back. Right now psychedelics just aren't right for me. They can be very powerful mind tools, but I'm just not ready yet to make full use of them. I look foreward to the day I'm ready, but that day isn't today. I'll trust myself to know when I'm ready. In the end it's yet another reminder to keep up with all the mental house cleaning I forget to do and put off because of daily existence. There is no excuse for putting off the development of my mind and body. It's an insult to myself and those around me not to try to better myself when I know I should.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 30011
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 11, 2007	Views: 4,832
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Mushrooms (39), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Depression (15), Difficult Experiences (5), Large Group (10+) (19)