DOSE:

oral

Pharms - Tramadol

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

It is with deep regret that I detail my account with tramadol. It has been a three year journey for me with Ultrams. It started out as a means to kill pain after a surgical GYN procedure, and escalated into full fledged addiction that is no longer fun by any stretch of the vivid imagination.

Upon first tries with Ultrams, before they were even available as a generic, I utilized roughly 100 mg.'s at a dose. This sustained dose became a norm for me after about 3 days on it. When I first had to endure the hell of withdrawal from Ultram, its onset occurred rather swiftly, with no warning of the armageddon that I had unleashed on my body. At first it was night sweats, as the 150 mg.'s that I was up to every 4 hrs was no longer sufficient. It then became a 250 mg problem, and escalated from there. Nowhere in the warning or PDR (physicians desk reference) did it imply that addiction or withdrawal symptoms were ever an issue or ill effect. At this point in time, it was a little-known substance, which I had procured from a friend who had undergone a foot surgery, and passed them along to me after her recovery and the surgery impending of mine. Regretfully, this was something that I saw as a minor issue and figured it attributable to the post surgical complications that were ravaging my body (or so I believed at the time). So very little was known about ultrams, but as the days passed and it became more and more difficult to keep myself within the monthly alottment that my friend was receiving, I investigated this matter further.

Assuming I might have a severe form of Serotonin Poisoning, and hearing around this same time frame, that there was a bit of discussion circulating the medical world that serotonin poisoning was being discovered as a serious side effect of many antideppresants, such as Paxil, and Celexa, etc., it seemed a logical conclusion that if I were to replace the Tramadol with Celexa (being that I already had a prior script for Celexa), that my Serotonin Poisoning would subside. Unfortunately, this was far from the reality of things. In fact, I think it may have even intensified my withdrawal symptoms. It seemed hopeless, yet again. This past July, a friend of mine with bipolar disorder, the same friend who initiated my Tramadol addiction, took a major overdose of Zyprexa and other substances, and was on life support after my discovering her convulsing, foaming, lifeless body on the floor of our apartment. This seemed to make my resolve to rid myself of all substances forever stronger than ever. It had been a great source of shame to me for a long period of time that I was unable to kick this ridiculous habit, of a substance that I was given the impression by the medical field that it was not even habit forming.

It seemed the perfect moment and reason to become substance free, and a wonderful way to pay tribute to my friend, who I am happy to report to you, survived her almost lethal overdose. This was no small feat, I tell you in no uncertain terms, and is the closest that I regrettably have ever come to overcoming this horrible addiction. By this point, Tramadol addictions were far greater for me than that of a heroin withdrawal for some, no exxaggeration needed. The constant, seemingly electric chill that eminated from my spinal region, would wreck havoc on my muscles and coordination. The breathing difficulties were opressive, and the worst being the lethargy and fatigue that is incomprehensible to others. Nausea, vomiting, diahrrea, paranoia, EXTREME depression, and confused mental state are also a few other parting gifts supplied to my body by the temptress known to me as Tramadol. Throughout my sickness physically, I had the deep need for respite, as I was dealing with the pain and total anxiety of wondering if my best friend would survive her suicide attempt or not. Beyond this concern, there were the disapproval of others, the paralyzing physical symptoms which rendered me unable to move from my bed in the morning, and the problems interacting due to the more mental withdrawal effects.

It was perhaps upon the fourth or fifth day Tramadol free that I agressively sought out a means of ending my physical discomfort, and some type of relief from the mental anguish I felt, as I was just about to surrender fully and take Tramadol again. What I had perceived as a Blessing from Above, at the time was a phone call from my ex, who I sought the comfort of wholeheartedly, indicating that he needed a traveling companion for an eight and a half hour drive to NYC. I accepted, and packed with me, what at the time I had thought of as an 'emergency stash' only of two Lortabs (10's), and several Ultrams. As the reality of my friend's near suicide became further from me as the distance between us geographically separated me, I began to notice the effects of the withdrawals more than ever. Coupled with the nerve-wracking driving habits of my dear loved one, had me a nervous wreck, on the brink of total mental and physical breakdown. It was even before we embarked on our adventure that I popped the Lortab, for added sociability. It was my worst nightmare for me to appear in duress to him, as I always attempt to be perfect for this man, still to this present day.

After the effects of the hydrocodone wore away, I decided it was time to call up the reserves, with little regard to the tribute to my friend, as all I could register were physical symptoms and anxiety about my illusion of perfection for my ex. With much chagrin, it spiralled me back into full fledged involvement with our friend, tramadol.

I have made several heartbreaking attempts to kick tramadol, both out of necessity as well as resolve, all to no avail. This very day, I have tried replacing ultrams with Lortabs, only to have the masking effects of the Lortabs only cover the physical withdrawal, and do nothing for my mental state or energy level. Also, I should note, that my usual dose of 50 mg. pills of tramadol is twice daily, at three pills a pop, literally. In comparison to the duration of the effects of Tramadol, the hydrocodone has far shorter effects, and can be quite costly if I am not having my habit backed with a legal prescription. These are some factors that led to the failures. A friend has recently alerted me to a program, somewhere, she cannot recall exactly, tht has used Ativan and Valium, in withdrawal patients in combination with Percodan and hydrocodone, mixed with Darvon, all to combat the idea of replacing one addiction with another by changing the method of pain relief used frequently until none is needed. If this is true, and such a place does exist, I would LOVE to find it, and undergo their formal treatment. It is unfortunate that I have been COMPLETELY unable to locate any such facility, and even if I did so, I have no medical insurance coverage to help defray my costs. I wonder if there is anyone out there, who has experienced ANY degree of success with any methods OTHER THAN the gradual reduction in dosage (as this method has failed me MISERABLY MANY TIMES).

I have been trying to seek out a method that will allow me to function and avoid a mental breakdown from withdrawals, for a great deal of time, with no success to report as of yet. My research has found some holistic centers, but my perception of pain and tolerance to pain medicine, would not make any holistic approach feasible to me. I cannot endure a 30 day or longer sojourn to a 'rehab' of any kind, as again. No insurance and a hectic life to live with too many who depend on me. It would need to be a medical way out of this nightmare.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 31656
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: May 1, 2006	Views: 28,530
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Pharms - Tramadol (149) : Various (28), Medical Use (47), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)