DOSE:

smoked

Opium

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I have not looked up to see the older man who is sitting in the row across from me at the greyhound station; nonetheless, his cane is tapping out a message coded especially for me. I am staring at the hands in my lap, mine. This is the second weekend that I have smoked opium, brown rock (a gift for which i am most grateful) presumably at one point extracted from Papaver somniferum. I had crushed and mixed it with tobbaco. The smell, taste, and buzz seemed correct. As I stared at my hands I became aware of how much time I spend in my life waiting. waiting for the bus, waiting to understand, waiting for things to make sense. waiting. How much my mind tries at times like these to organize its thoughts, even the things which can never be organized and must be accepted (as a storyteller leaves out the details which do not pertain).

On the way home I am acutely in tune with my surroundings. someone has got 'bells for her' coming very softly out of their car stereo. This too is a sign from synchronicity, perfectly dovetailing into my current life enigma. I am thinking on that old coot William S Burroughs, Jim Carroll, Aleister Crowley, famous and infamous junkies and fiends. I think on tea, and china. social mechanisms. How perfect this opium seems to make sense of my antisocial sides, my geometrically precise version of solitude. unapologetically selfish but hoping to offer some [help/beauty/rawmaterial].

Perhaps the most germane effect, for me, and what made this solitude worthwhile, is the sensation that i can hear things above and beyond what i normally would register. for example, I played a song to my companion hoping to point out a certain string section. However, we never quite made it to that point because we noticed an amazing phenomenon. In the song, an extremely faint one string, vibrated mercilessly throughout. it felt as though i could now experience subsonic and ultrasonic vibrations. yum. The aftertaste of opium is delicious to me and i am certain of its usefulness. uncomfortably certain. I am now more aware than ever of who in my life has taught me things, and who has learned from me or not learned from me. Just when i need to see it most, I see that not only *can* i rise above all occasions, but that I must, whenever possible, do so. I am recommitted to my mortal existence, to the fact that the social structure of the world holds an ideal to which it wont admit, to which i do not fit, and to which i am compelled to find creative ways of skewing.

Overall, the opium receptors in my brain were engaged to varying degrees for 48 hours after smoking. I hope in the future to experiment with a combination of opium and psychedelics.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 331
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 11, 2000	Views: 42,919
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Opium (63) : General (1), Various (28)