DOSE:		oral	Belladonna	(daily)
		oral	Barbiturates	(daily)
		oral	Hydrocodone
		oral	Cocaine

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Well I'll start off by giving a briefing of who I am. I'm a high school student, a sophmore of the age of 17. I had been prescribed a drug called belladonna (more then a year ago), which I use to settle an extremely nervous stomach.(My thought process became too deep and I withhold all of my emotions thus making me internally sick.) Originally I took it at the regular dose which I don't know. I believe there is only one regular measurement of it, in a pill form anways. I increased my dosage from the most being 4-5 recommended in a day, a half hour before eating, to some days 7-8, back to regular, and a few days went to 12 pills a day.

My pupil dilation was literally to the edge of my iris almost all of the time. Sometimes even in broad daylight. I found that at high dosages I became literally drunk. I also found that I had gained this hypnotic depressing obsessive quality. The doors became my favorite band, being that a few of their songs are somewhat hypnotic and depressing: The End, Whiskey Bar, and Heroine. The Belladonna seemed to change me somehow I have listened to the doors almost 5 hours a day every day mostly the end. I never grow tired of it and I never can seem to listen to anything other.

Meditation - During the year I also experimented with meditating. I never had much luck just sitting there. Only occasionally I would manage to reach this state, mainly through the hypnotic influence of the barbituate. But I discovered well in the shower under heat and the steam of the water. My mind fell more easily into this half conscious form of state. I was partly asleep thanks to the hot sedating water and the depressive quality of the barbituate aided in keeping me that way. At the same exact time my obsessive concentrated on consciousness and deep thinking. I had reached extremely easily every time some form of state, where my eyes closed but still conscious at the same. Part of the time I seemed somewhat as if was hallucinating. Though I discovered there is some way to control exactly what I hallucinate. I couldn't quite explain sometimes my eyes were closed other times open. Seeing either blackness or the water rushing by before my eyes. While simultaneously hallucinating.

The only way I can truly describe how to control my hallucination was thinking about it and in some way just focusing my eyes. Not focusing them right seemed to break the hallucination and it would stop until I regained focus. I spent hours in the shower, 1-3 hours a day, normally only an hour. What I actually saw was quite different. Instead of being completely in dream land. Regular dreams or hallucinations seem to follow a strict form of jumping from one place say in a movie to falling and falling. This however was quite different. I couldn't really concentrate on seeing what was actually there without breaking concentration of what I was creating.

A slightly more detailed description - In the hallucination itself or whatever form of place I had somehow constructed was exactly what I was thinking. I could see and focus on that one thing for example camera focus in and out from far away to close up. I could move around and bring whatever creation I wished alive. And for those who question whether I was doing hallucinagens no I have never done LSD PCP and all of those trippy drugs. I strictly experimented with opiates and belladonna. I've basically said all there is to say I could create objects in my mind give them mostly realistic qualities, make them vanish or interact with other objects. Like in 3d studio max.

My Vision - During three of my semiconscious states I had no control though I could still see and focus but I could not move around like I should have been able too. I saw angels and was in this city. I'll say a few basic things it definitely was not a hallucination. I spoke to angels and would love to write about it.

My experience with hydrocodone - Well this one was most daring. My friends had take hydrocodone from its regular form of vicodin. I bought 4 of these little blue tablets. They said only take two. I of course took all 4 at the same time. Wow it was a most memorable experience. Effects took about an hour to kick in seemed kind of long. I had brief hallucinations in and out, another semi-conscious state but very unfocused and unstable. The bug guys came in to remove bee's from the wall. I was lying on the sopha partly seeing and taking it in. I heard the buzzing very loudly when they drilled holes in the wall I had the strangest sensation of a whirling motion as if I were part of something eletrical. I saw lights. Then woke partly up. I ran upstairs and took a steaming hot shower. I hallucinated about the ocean, drowning in and out of the hallucination extremely unstable. I listened to the doors a little later on that night. Glad was I that I ate a good bit that day.

I began to vomit. Normally well vomitting I'd be spitting and scared to vomit. This however was easy it seemed completely natural and when I had to vomit out it all came I just seemed to know when I needed to do so. (yes my hydrocodone exp's were all way after my visions. This was like mid summer.) I had brief hallucinations of slitting my wrists. Some of vomitting then waking up realizing it was a hallucination I saw myself going to school and thought it was for real when in fact it was a hallucination the same with my alarm clock I didn't sleep at all until the vomitting stopped right as I began to vomit blood.

In a little bit of a rush.. Ok my cocaine experience- I did 10 grams of cocaine first time I did it and I did 10 grams in 2 weeks. Od'd about 2 or 3 x merely stopped breathing then. It was absolutely amazing I listened to barbie girl I've no idea why for 2 or 3 hours during some of the days. It was completely entertaining strangely I felt like I was alive like I was a part of the song. I could work out more then I use too at first but as I did more coke I began to become slower I listened to the doors song Heroine. I literally closed my eyes and almost every moving song I just seemed to become a part of the song. I literally felt like I was on heroin though I've never done it before. Just listening to the music. During the entire time I felt this tremendous tingling like extreme pleasure in the front of my forehead I felt wonderful and several times thought I would have a heart attack because I talked to myself so rapidly for so long and had problems calming down.

Coming down - Whistles I knew nothing about coming off of cocaine. I gotta tell you it's not the best idea to go see the passion of the christ during that. I wanted to kill myself so bad for a day or 2. I cried and cried I felt so terrible. I kept thinking about what would happen if I died or killed myself. I kept thinking about how if reincarnation existed. I'd be in this sea of pain for all eternity and how I'd never see my family again and everything I loved and experienced would be gone. Even the memories of them. My sanity was on the borderline for a moment there. The only thing that kept me in check was the question 'why am I going to die or kill myself? which I always came back to.' Then the real pain began. I was sick for almost and entire week. The withdrawl effects were unbearable diahrea for endless hours. My belladonna didn't help me then. I'll spare you guys the other nightmarish effects. Though I was use to it. My nervous stomach had caused very similar pain before all the time just never that long...

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 36873
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 23, 2004	Views: 45,924
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Belladonna (9), Barbiturates (210), Cocaine (13) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)