DOSE:	10 g	oral	Kratom
			Opiates

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

This is just a short report on the emotional effects and consequences of opiate use [200-100mg Oxycodone, 120-60mg Hydrocodone, 100-30mg Morphine, 10-6g Kratom]. Keep in mind the human emotion is a complex and untameable beast, and of course will be different for all. However I have run into several people with similar experiences so I feel it's not just me.

When I first found opiates I was quite literally, thrilled. I am not a very happy person normally, and the euphoria and easy-going sluggishness seemed like the perfect cure for my pessimistic, depressed and jittery sober state. And for a while it was a cure. This however, was before I matured a bit (starting at about 16/17 years of age).

Nowadays at 23, whenever I indulge in opiates, the high still cures my normally horrible mood (which has gotten worse with age), but during the comedown, I am hit with some nastiness never before experienced. It seems like ever since age 20 it has been this way.

Upon the recession of effects, and lounging around in the post opiate haze, I am almost always hit with a strong and unshakeable sense of loneliness and utter longing. I must stress this was not experienced when I was younger, not at all. However, nowadays it's pretty bad, to the point where I now take my opiates later in the day so as to not be awake for the aftereffects.

If I make the mistake of being awake, I go through some pretty unpleasant stages. Usually it starts as the last of the effects subside, bringing with it a nostalgic, sad state of mind that leads to the next stage. Next is the tearful heartache stage. This lasts around 2 hours. I get extreme dull aches in my heart and fingertips, and am often brought to tears many times in this period. Thoughts are an ever plummeting wave of sadness, regret, and despair. I feel as if I am the lowest creature in the world during this phase.

The last phase is the detached, scornful stage. I am done sobbing and crying, and am left feeling half dead, and uncaring about anything. I've been known to binge on marijuana during this period as it's the only thing that can renew the spark of life in me.

I'm sure these effects are simply aggravated conditions of my already fragile and twisted psyche. The sadness all stems from real world issues, such as my chronic loneliness and inability to form loving relationships.

It's just a word of caution for those who use opiates to escape their loneliness and depression; It may just get worse.

I was prompted to write this report after my last experience, after ingesting 10g of 'super kratom'. 6 hours later I was lying in bed, pouring liters of water out of my tear ducts and yelling from the heart and extremity pains. There's no way to fight this feeling, it just washes over me and carries me in the undertow to a freezing ocean of despair where I am alone forever.

Just be careful if you don't enter into your opiate experiences with a solid mindset, for this is one sideffect. Thanks, and be responsible with your opiates always.

Mayaku Itsumo
-Seifuru

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 37920
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 15, 2004	Views: 40,251
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Morphine (211), Hydrocodone (111), Kratom (203), Oxycodone (176) : Unknown Context (20), Hangover / Days After (46), Depression (15), Retrospective / Summary (11)