DOSE:

oral

2C-I

BODY WEIGHT:

66 kg

I'd done LSD a few times until this day, some at parties out in the nature, twice at home with a friend.
I've had the visual and sensual experiences, and some parts when I felt the drug was communicating with me,
trying to persuade me that I should live for this drug, and that reality as I know it is not as real as I had thought
it was. This had freaked me out a bit, but I was ok after a few minutes. I can't say that I'd had a bad or really
scary trip. (Until now)

Anyway, on this chilly December day, I consumed about 16-22 mg of 2c-i, at my new apartment.

About a week earlier, I'd started chatting with G, some guy I'd never met before, but had heard about him from friends. He used to do lots of psychedelics in various dosages. A few years ago he had become repentant (became a believe, religious). A jewish believer. Being a strict agnostic (not questioning whether there is a god or not, not believing there is a god, but not believing there isn't. It didn't really interest me, I would never know anyway, no matter how hard I tried to find him), I was curious as to his beliefs. He explained to me that God is infinity. There must be a god, because if we exist, this universe, my thoughts, then something must have created them, something more intelligent, infinitely more intelligent, and which isn't really part of the everyday reality of my perceptions. These talks with him didn't impress me much, because even if there was such a being, infinity as he called it, then so what? Why must I spend my life learning about it and serving it by the means which I believe to be right. He asked me if I'd like to try 2ci with him. I was interested

ANYWAY, he came over my place with a bunch of drugs. Two other people also showed up, one who also took 2ci, and another who took some MDMA. G only drank lots of tea.

For the first few hours, I had a pretty good time, enjoying the strong sensual hallucinations, the likes of which you can read about in other experience reports. I wanted to have some mental stimulation as well, so I asked G to talk, to tell a story, whatever. This was a bit boring, and then I asked him about his religion. He was a bit hesitant to talk about it, but began to anyway. This is when my trip started on its downslope. He didn't say anything of great significance, but there was a definite power in his words.The visuals were suddenly stronger than ever, I felt like I was being sucked into his words, I saw great auras around him as he was talking. I couldn't really control my body, and then it happened. I felt as if my trip had taken me somewhere new, somewhere totally disconnected from reality as I knew it. I felt god. I felt infinity. I saw what everything was made of, as if my sight was magnifying everything, at a rate which was getting closer and closer to infinity, and I thought that if I let it flow like this for a while more, I would flip and absolutely believe everything G was talking about. I was really freaked out, and did not want to flip like this, without having control over it. I didn't want to tell G to shut up, so I suddenly raised my head and told them that I almost fainted. He stopped talking, thank god. (Ha) I went over to the window and leaned on the windowsill, looking outside at the city streets. I kept seeing G's face, and the auras around him, and kept feeling like something was constantly trying to suck me back in to the other side.

A few minutes later, I went for a walk through the streets with the guy who took MDMA. I tried to tell him what I'd felt, but I felt that I couldn't because to explain it would mean to talk and talk and talk for an infinite amount of time, in circles. Infinity was still trying to suck me back in, to convert, I resisted with all my might, with partial success, but each time I resisted, my muscles and spine would contract and twitch. It was as if God/infinity was telling me that the only way to cure this pain (the physical pain) would be to cure my mental pain, and the only way to cure that was to flow and stop resisting, and take the trip to the other side, for more than just a glimpse. My friend told me I didn't need to explain it, he knew exaclty what I was feeling, because he also did psychedelics with G another time, and he kept reassuring me that I would be ok, that my back would be fine after sleep, and that I had not lost it, I had just learned something new.

I realized that most people who had had 'bad trips' or trips where they claim to have 'seen the other side' were similar to mine. I was with a jewish religious person. They might've been with a christian who could be talking about jesus, and another might have been out in nature, thinking that it is another side of nature which he has reached. Whichever it is, I guess we all realized that there is more than just our reality.

I was really scared to go back to my apartment and be in the presence of G again, I thought it would suck me back in and that I would be too weak to resist. Fortunately, he left a few minutes after we got back, and the other 2ci-er left a while after that. In the few hours that passed before sleep, I still felt every once in a while that I couldn't stop thinking about G and what I felt when he talked, and this just pulled me back in, forcing me to resist again and to be in pain again.

I did get to sleep, and woke up fine.

Do I still see myself as agnostic? Yes.
I do feel that I have learned that there is possibly something which is not of this reality, which exists in everything. G has told me this, and I have seen it for myself. G lives his life to learn more about this God, this infinity, in order for him to get closer and closer. But he can never really reach it.. that would take an infinite amount of time. I don't see a reason to study this, I would still get no answers, and I don't really care for any. I will live my life ignoring this being, even though I have less doubts that it exists now.

There is so much more I can say... infinitely more.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 39247
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 21, 2020	Views: 860
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2C-I (172) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)