DOSE:

1 hit

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

I picked up a new batch at the dead show and took 1 hit as a test dose. The show was almost over and by the time I made it to the bart transit I was tripping heavily, quite impressed with the new batch. Things got intense and I decided to walk instead. I walked for a coupla hours through Oakland and Hayward in the early morning with with lots of lsd and a big sack of kind herb. I'm assuming that I must have looked like a crazed maniac which probably saved me from getting robbed and my ass kicked. When I finally made it to the wharehouse I was so relieved. I thought to myself, I can relax and enjoy it now.

I went to my room and sat listening to the music on the radio. It was beautiful, but then I started to sense something peculiar. It was as if the music which normally was a harmonious pattern started to twist and turn in a certain place within the music. I shoke it off, and once again was enjoying the smooth pattern of music, but then it happened again. I shoke it off once more, and it returned yet again. By this time I was concerned. I was a veteran tripper when it came to lsd, having had hundreds of experiences, and I had never ever felt this sensation.

Naturally I decided to turn the music off. Ahh, finally, I sat relaxed once again, looking at the amazing fractal geometry on the wood table. Smooth, harmonious. and then it happened, the same sensation, the same twisting and turning of the pattern but now with my eyes. at this point I was quite frightened. I felt a presence, trying to push through to get to me, I just about shit my pants. I shoke it off, it returned, I shoke it off again, and it returned once again. Something was trying to get through to me and twisting and turning the pattern of any sense I was currently focused on. I had never hallucinated in this fashion before. Sure, I was used to ego dissolution, getting it ripped to shreads and scattered across the cosmos. Still, hallucinations for me were always reasonable. I understood why I was seeing the walls breathing due to light and shadow, etc. This was very new to me.

So naturally, I decided to close my eyes, try and shut off all external senses I suppose, and just as soon as I had closed my eyes, kaboom! A white ball of light comes bursting through the door. I wasn't sure if my eyes were open or closed at this point. It immediately said, 'What are you going to do? I could squash you like a bug!'. I had never been that scared in my life, seriously, it was the most shockingly intense feeling I've ever encountered. If I had eaten that day I surely would have shit my pants. Well I might have peed my pants, who knows. I was freaking. Holy shit, a white ball of light is hovering in my doorway a few feet away.

Without even thinking, my mind went to 'Control the situation'. That's what I'm gonna do! Haha, the white ball laughed, you know that's not possible! and I did, I knew I was no competition for controling this white ball and this situation I was in. So naturally, my mind being dualistic and all, I went to surrender. I normally wouldn't surrender to anything, but then after all, there was this white ball of light telling me it could squash me like a bug. It said that surrendering wasn't an option either, for I was not-less-than it, and nor was I more than it. At this point I was outta options, I saw no alternatives other then to control or surrender, such a dichotomy.

It said I have 1 option, I could 'flow' with it, precisely because I wasn't more-than or less-than it. It was utterly profound to me. So I flowed, but it certainly wasn't pleasurable. I saw a metallic-looking cylinder, it was both in my head and at the same time between me and the white ball in the room, they were one and the same. The white ball started spinning around the cylinder, up and down, around and around. It urged me to join it. I didn't feel forced but I certainly felt pressured, plus I was in no state of mind to be making any decisions.

I joined it and I saw myself as another white ball. I slowly started circling around this cylinder. The speed grew and with it intensity. I couldn't handle it, it was just too intense. It would encourage me to join it again, and then it would grow in intensity until I would jump off. I begged for mercy. I started to think that I really went off the deep end this time and there was no coming back. The on and off the cylinder thing repeated often. It gots to points where I actually felt physical pain, not to mention the mental pain. It was the most painful experience I've had, hands down. But I also felt I had to.

And then finally, during the most intense mental and physical pain, the 2 lights joined and the whole cylinder lit up as a white cylinder of light. And then the cylinder disappeared and it was back to just me and the white ball. Things get vague here, but it's with the feeling that I had intense teachings. Mostly lessons on duality and relativity, the changing variables dependent on what perspective your looking from.

I'll mention again that I was still begging for it to leave me alone and go away. The intensity was overwhelming but apparently still mentally and physically bearable. My brain felt overloaded, I was a sponge begging for mercy. And just like that it said it was done and I could now ask any question I like. I felt so innocent, so simple, and the only question that came up was, 'What's the point of my life?', which also contained, why am I here, what's my purpose, etc. They were all the same question, the same concept, multifaceted.

It showed me an old wooden wagon wheel with a wooden arrow attached to it. It started to slowly spin, and then it stopped. Ahh, I thought, that's the point of life. But then it said hold on, and the wheel started turning again. And it stopped. Confused, I thought, those are the points of life. And then once again, the white ball of light said hold on, and then wheel started turning once again. Faster until it stopped at another point, then faster and faster until another point. Until it was stopping at every point possible. And then it went 3rd dimensional, stopping at all possible points. And then the ball said, 'But don't believe me, I am the trickster, you owe it to the truth to prove it to yourself'. Then it flew out the door and disappeared.

I was so relieved that it was gone and finally over. I looked at the clock, it had been over eight hours since I had gotten home, which meant that I was on around the 12th hour of tripping from just 1 hit of lsd. I was exhausted, I felt like I had the shit beat outta me physically and mentally. I started to get concerned about what was left of me, my condition. I didn't think I would be able to mingle with society again. I thought I would be put into the insane catagory and that I would no longer function in society. I thought I had gone mad with knowledge and that was all she wrote. Somehow I fell asleep for a few hours though my mind was still racing along. In the morning I felt better, but still concerned about my condition.

This experience remains my most spiritual, intense, learning experience over 14 years later. I consider myself somewhat of a hardhead and have experienced many hallucinogenic plants and chemicals, ibogaine, salvia, ayahuasca, etc., and it still baffles me that my most intense trip was on 1 little tab of lsd when at the time I had a 20 hit minimum dosage vow. And to this day it's the only time I've ever seen, with my eyes, in this dimension, an entity, in the true sense of how we use the word 'hallucination'.

Exp Year: 1991	ExpID: 39696
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 1, 2007	Views: 7,672
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