I Can't Stop Dancing With Mr. Brownstone
Heroin
Citation: Anonymous. "I Can't Stop Dancing With Mr. Brownstone: An Experience with Heroin (exp42143)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42143
DOSE: |
30 mg | IV | Heroin | (daily) |
BODY WEIGHT: | 170 lb |
So she proceeded to give me a dose half a bag the first time. She drew up 20cc of brown harmful looking fluid. I was scared of needles and she said she would hit me up. I turned my head and clenched the table for fear of needle pain. All I felt was a slight prick and then what came next was the best thing I had ever felt. I got all warm, relaxed and energetic just as I did with pain pills. I thought wow I found my new high no more taking extreme amounts of pills. 'All I need is just a little bit of this stuff', so I thought. Overnight my pill habbit turned into strictly heroin habbit. In the morning before work.... dope lunch more dope dinner time even more dope. I was in self destructive mode. Early on I was spending atleast 100 bucks a day. to just feel normal mind you. I was 20 years old when I decided I can't party for ever. I'll just go cold turkey.... I was wrong. The sickness, the physcological dependence I developed was a ticket to hell. It was too late I'm completly at this drugs mercy. I could not function without it. I lost my job. I lost my friends even the sober 'good example friends'... gone. My life was gone. I was very familar with methadone but the connection was not reliable.
I knew I needed profesional help. I gave in and confessed to my family. All I got was disbelief and no help. I'm fucked I figured. I gave up on help and worked souly to support my habbit. My habbit was already bigger than my paychecks. I stole, lied and cheated my way into my fix. I thought of any way I could to get 20 dollars. I lived 20 dollars at a time for 3 years. I had recently put my name on a methadone list for help. I thought the program was a miracle. I was wrong. There is of course a waiting list. What the fuck kinda shit is that I am still wondering. My case is up to the board to decide if I qualify. Almost ten years of opiate abuse I can't wait til the day the methadone program starts. I call them, I beg them to please help me... today but I get everything but help. To this day I am mentaly and physcialy addicted. I don't at all look like a drug user and the clinics just blow me off when I ask for help. This sucks becuase I think every minute of the day about keeping from getting sick. I went cold turkey for six painful months. I figured if I stayed with it the cravings and withdrawl symptoms would eventualy go away.
I was plagued with drug dreams on a nightly basis waking up in cold sweats and withdrawl symptoms persisted even months later of being completly clean. I knew then I was fucked for life. I think all the time if I just never went down that road my life would be great. But the addiction crept up on me and now it's a matter of life and death. I used to love life. Now I believe if I don't get the methadone to supress the appitite I am gonna live the rest of my life 20 dollars (about .03gr) at a time. That is a depressing thought to have racing in my head 24/7. I would rather take my own life than suffer withdrawls the rest of my life. Now its a matter of time. If I can't get the methadone maitence help or I get denied. I will have to take my life into my own hands. I feel I will be left with no other chioce. I think Heroin is serious and should not ever be expeirmented with. If I could change my past I would have never done opiates. Maryjane is the only ok drug in my book. But my heroin habbit leaves me broke, jobless and depressed. The methadone clinic has a chance to save a life. I hope they choose mine.
Did I ever want to be in this situation?.... no no one does. Even a clean young goodlooking man such as myself fell victim to the addiction... any one can if they use. Heroin has ruined my life, ambition and has left me for ever depressed and plagued with withdrawls. Be smart. I'd rather die than live another day addicted.
Exp Year: 2005 | ExpID: 42143 |
Gender: Male | |
Age at time of experience: Not Given | |
Published: Jun 26, 2007 | Views: 40,077 |
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Heroin (27) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), First Times (2) |
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