DOSE:

8.5 mg

oral

4-HO-DiPT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

These are my only slightly edited notes taken while on 4-HO-DiPT.

11:28 am
I had a sample of 4-HO-DiPT of known identity and purity. Butter-white fine crystals, 8.5 mg hydrochloride. I dissolved these in a small glass of Diet Coke and drank the mix down in one gulp. The beverage did a good job of moderating the somewhat nasty flavor of the drug. I’m kinda scared - I Did It Now. I’d had two previous brushes with this drug - the first time at perhaps 4.5 mg was awful - five hours of formless terror while my body felt All Wrong. The second time (10 mg) I had a cold, so perhaps the difficult nature of that experience had an excuse. This was try 3 at a dose chosen to push me past the unresolved terror state but still be manageable. In theory anyway. The striking feature of the 10mg event was its duration - in at 6pm one evening, and still quite intoxicated at 1am that morning, when a stout dose of alprazolam was used to get some rest. The day after that I was still off baseline for most of the morning!

I cleared my mind and asked whatever God was inclined to oblige to see to my safety. Okeydoke, here goes.

11:40 am
Poss first alert? “The feeling” in my lower gut along with barely perceptible pink&green in a white surface.

11:52
Mild somatic wave - definite alert. Doing chores. Still not +1.

12:20pm
Persistent Feeling in my lower gut. Pleasant. Hand on a cushion “breathes” a little. Smiling a lot. So far, so good! +1

1:16
Lying in bed. “Still going in!” Strong waves of ideation - somewhat disorienting. The feeling of having entered the Place frivolously, uninvited, can’t be shaken. “You really didn’t want to be here. But you’re here now for sure.”

Visual is near-normal - mild breathing of edges, maybe a bit of blue&gold in surfaces. I’m not completely coordinated.

1:25
“Even at this modest level, the experience is flatly indescribable to those who don’t know psychedelics. Hypnagogy is an inadequate surface metaphor.” When I move about, the body sensation can be quite pleasant. At other times, it flirts with an alarming “poisoned!” quality.

1:50
Still very much in a dual state, but maximum reached and repair under way? Very ambivalent. Would like to try this one deeper, but not alone.
I don’t acess anything animistic (the tree outside is and remains just a tree) or mystical/cosmic, and I have an inkling that the price of enduring the necessary dose would be quite high. Even now I’m yawning and shivering moderately.

2:35
It was a “false repair”. Still definitely +2. Waves of sensation/ideation - I’m riveted still in my bed, realizing that communicating the most basic blocks (“cognitive glyphs”) of the experience eludes. ... It’s like a panic anxiety that has been transfigured, “rendered OK”, into a feeling that alternates between disconcerting and occasionally beautiful - the barest hints of inner light unfolding Out. ... And the remarkable thing is that the Observer is intact to write this down in mundane language.

2:40
Went into a near panic when I Couldn’t Find the Toilet Paper. Reasoning ability is getting hit: spent some time staring at a box trying to decipher the writing into (slowly breathing) words, then spent some more time realizing that the words made a message that didn’t match the contents of the box. I can still pull it together, but it’s a real effort. No sign of effects subsiding.

2:47
I found the toilet paper - behind the (temporarily displaced!) toddler bed. Felt more profound relief than I really ought to have. I solemnly carried six rolls (two stacks of three) to their berth in the bathroom cabinet.
Checked Shulgin’s Plus Scale - this is still a +2, even though at times the rational mind/Observer is overwhelmed. My ego is just barely intact and continuous.

2:54
So far I’ve managed to decline a Valium. My mind understands that the anxiety (if it is even that!) is chemical and thus transitory, inconsequential. Bbbbut I’m still far off baseline. I am well and truly Dipped.

3:25
I’ve had a shower (washed the fight-or-flight funk from my armpits) and did some dishes. I am gently but unyieldingly pressured to realize that tryptamines aren’t for me. The Other is a damned good host - considering I barged in uninvited. But I must acknowledge that, having come to them so late in life, I have been guilty of romanticizing the psychedelics. They are not toys. They are not pleasure rides nor well-suited as discretionary intoxicants. I hope I have the courage and emotional memory-integrity to not come back without an invite or other extenuation.
I will trust myself to sweep up out front now. I’m starting to get hungry.

3:40
Internal dialog. Sensation of wisdom/great sadness. “So this is what it means to grow up.” Hope I can remember. Perhaps that is the internal tragedy of this whole class of compounds. A sense that knowledge is dispensed only for that interval when it cannot be used, i.e. denied when I’m sober again. I cannot remember the Basic Truth of this state when not in this state. And I am powerfully advised not to visit casually.

And yet there is tremendous peace in knowing that the underlying fabric of the cosmos abides, whether I Know or not, despite history and tyrannies and angry priests and entire generations sleepwalking. “Even they fit with their own beauty into the whole.” Gardan borders still breathing a little.

3:47
A migraine keeps nagging at my right temporal area. Drug body load seems diminished. Rational Observer seems better.

4:20
I walked to McD’s. My Observer took a big pie in the face when confronted with the reality of talking to a stranger. I used all my internal resurces “keeping it together” and maintaining an inconspicuous energy signature. I got through about half the meal at a table before packing up and going home seemed like a Really Good Idea. I ran into (neighbor) on the way back and really worked at normal conversation. I’m repairing, but with remarkable leisure. I wonder if duration and level of involvement isn’t more typical of the normative 4-HO-DMT experience. This is no “miniature” of psilocin, not in me anyway!

4:25
The process of receiving a sensory stimulus - checking the internal catalog - deciding it’s not a problem - relaxing - starting the startle-chech-relax cycle over abd over again is very tiring. What’s it been - five hours paying full fare?

5:20
Killed some time surfing the web. Still solidly +1. Body load (a “pushing” feeling in boweld and backs of thighs) is frankly annoying. The pleasure/learning part of this is over and I’m just paying the bills now. I still wouldn’t be comfy answering the phone.

5:45
Small residues of objects “breathing”, apparent 10 minutes ago, are now gone. Repair under way at last.

5:50
Or not? I set up the stereo, but I can’t seem to properly listen to the music. Still +1. Extraneous sounds are still not getting automatically processed and dismissed.

6:07
A wave of physical pleasure-feeling. So it’s not ALL bad. But my overall conclusion is becoming: On balance this is a difficult, demanding experience.

6:45
Consistently near but not at baseline now. I’m somewhat euphoric; I got through unharmed and with a story. Now to just try to remember that even this gentlest by reputation of the serious psychedelics. Is. Not. A. Toy. “You’ve been advised.”

8:00
Still not out of it. Waves of dislocation disabuse me from saying “it’s over”. I want baseline back. I’m very selective what I’m watching on TV. I have no tolerance for harsh vibes. Watching spiders mate was horrifying.

9:20
Very chilled - put a jacket on. Calling “all clear”; nearly ten hours. Short-acting, yuh right. DOB would probably kill me outright.

11:30
Twelve-hour mark. Still tailing. Trying to sleep is difficult, even after 30 mg temazepam. Am taking 5 mg Valium to simply disengage.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 425
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 13, 2000	Views: 36,480
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4-HO-DiPT (281) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)