DOSE:	.5 tablets	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
	3 carts.	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide	(gas)

BODY WEIGHT:

61 kg

Like so many other spiritual seekers, I have been searching for a tangible answer to the deeper religious and philosophical questions of this world. As a child I experienced recurring nightmares, the detail of which would flee my mind in the murky moments between sleeping and waking. Despite this I managed to glean some substance of this nightmare; but only that it dealt with a count down to an indescribably frightening event in which obliteration of everything and everyone was certain. I would always wake up the very second before the mysterious and terrifying climax.

Another recurring dream I have had has occurred whilst on nitrous and either lsd, bzp or some very skunky weed. For a long time I would return to a more normal consciousness after my hit with only a strong feeling that I had had an important realisation. However, one night while on acid I remained aware of my realisation and am able to speak of it today.

On holiday in my home town, my boyfriend and I and two friends each took half a tab of acid. Entering in to the trip I felt some anxiety, but resolved myself that I needed harden my resolve to resist the grip of fear, and developing my spirit through psychedelics was one way to do this.

The trip began well, and once I gauged how strong the acid was and that I wasn't going to lose control I began to observe the people around as I often do whilst tripping. I became struck by the falseness of the people in the club we had wandered to. It was almost as if I couldn't look them in the eye because it seemed they would know that I knew about their superficial engagement with other people and the world. I saw a young woman that appeared to be having spasms, as if she was intermittently connecting with and then drifting away from the flow of life. Of course may well have been just a hallucination, but at this time I felt that it was more a heightened perception; that I was seeing her spirit instead of her body and her spirit was in trouble.

We walked in to a room that was set up with couches and a book shelf, and I picked out a book. I can't remember what I read about, suffice to say it was meaningful to me at the time. I noticed the words almost crackling with an electric purple energy, and decided that books must be related to the spiritual dimension. My spine was sore from the acid so I began stretching and balancing my posture. Instinctually, I held out my hands upturned and slightly curled, with my elbows at my sides and my hands at a angle away from my body. The change was perceptible, I could feel a powerful energy emanating from my hands and running through my body.

Leaving the club, we decided to stop at a 'nos den', a garish room with bad music in which people buy and consume nitrous. (Nitrous and bzp are legal in New Zealand, although some politicians are working to reverse this). We bought a balloon containing 3 cannisters each, then went to sit on the river bank. Just my boyfriend and I now, we were very particular on where we sat, realising we were potentially in for a significant mystical experience. We sat outside the city's branch of the Theosophical Society, figuring that these spiritual people would have been tuned in to the positive and negative energy spots. Settling on a park bench facing the river, we managed to plug one of the balloons with a ring and share one balloon at a time.

As often happens with myself on nitrous, the first hit I had was positive and the second paranoid. In the first instance, I became aware of a pulling and pushing of energy, and what seemed to be a clear wall that resembled the skin of a bubble stretched flat. I became of a rhythm to which sound is broken up into, and the roar of a truck appeared to be synchronised with this rhythym, which also coincided with the rhythm of my breath. With each inward breath of nitrous I inhaled, I could feel myself slipping more in to what I imagine to be the next world. This first experience gave me a profound sense of joy and a feeling that I finally had the proof of another dimension hidden from everyday human perception.

Eager to get back to this feeling, we began taking turns breathing on the second balloon. Initially, I felt myself elated although not experiencing the depths of sensory distortion of the previous hit. Suddenly, with a wave of deja vu, I realised both myself and my boyfriend had slipped in to paranoia. This paranoia can be described as extreme self-consciousness, thinking that others are judging me and scrutinising my faults, and generalised anxiety. In synchronisation with the rhythm and on alternate bars, we were making sounds that gave away our escalating fear, which, by making our fear exposed and naked, caused us to feel more paranoia and make more distressed noises, completing the cycle. Suddenly I grasped the realisation that fear lies between us and full spiritual enlightenment. This was followed by the thought that if we only recognized the trickery of subconscious fears and conquered them, the universe would be saved and the triumph of the good forces assured. I turned to my boyfriend and said 'can you feel it? it's paranoia, trying to take a hold of us, and when we get past this, the universe will be saved!' He stared at me and then leaned back, eyes wide as if in fear. He then told me that as I had said those words he had felt a shudder of deja vu, and had the sudden conviction that he had known this exact situation was going to happen. He experienced a deja vu of a deja vu of a memory of a dream... This pattern of experiencing deja vu has also followed my nitrous use and now that I have consiously integrated this knowledge in to my mind I can recall that the same realisation has been there every time I have done this.

The revelation given to me by nitrous is that there is a great battle between the light and dark forces and fear is doing its bit by keeping us from realising the truth about the universe. I feel an almost painfully urgent sense that I must let people know, and that there are many people not currently alive that are watching and waiting for us to make this transition. Fear doesn't want us to realise as it knows it will have no place to go. The cosmic battle of the universe is gearing up to a final showdown.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 43847
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 25, 2019	Views: 2,098
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LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), Dreams (85) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Various (28)