The Breath Of A New Day
Cocaine & Crack
Citation: found, again at 37. "The Breath Of A New Day: An Experience with Cocaine & Crack (exp44413)". Erowid.org. Jul 20, 2007. erowid.org/exp/44413
DOSE: |
repeated | insufflated | Cocaine | (powder / crystals) |
repeated | smoked | Crack | (freebase) |
BODY WEIGHT: | 165 lb |
I gave away all my new toys for doing crack to my friends, save for 1 simple glass pipe. The one I used for another month weening myself down, yet I never seemed to clear 2 days clean in a row. At this time the (clean) girlfriend I seperated from 9 months earlier was back in town & I sure was happy because I was more interested in her than crack. The downside was she wasn't impressed with me chasing shadows with a shot gun after 5 days with no sleep her 2nd morning here. She was leaving again, I can't blame her for I would have run had I been in her shoes. My shame smashed the pipe that day, but depressed about my lost love a friend cheered me up with a hoot and a free pipe. 5 days later I've smoked a few 8 balls when I found a photo of me at work 2 years earlier & I could clearly see the muscle bulging through my shirt. I sat there for awhile a tear in my eye pondering where that man went. I promptly called my friend up, ordered a 40. When he arrived I thanked him filled his arms with his shop leave arounds (reasons to come over with temptation no doubt) and asked him to get out of my life. We had been friends 18 years.
I wrapped up my 40 in lung quickly & tossed my gifted pipe as far as I could into a dump and went to bed.
I woke on time tired as usaul today, opened the office, pulled the shades back looked out to the mountains, breathed the fresh morning air when a thought stirred a tear of emotion, & here it is,
In the breath of a new day,
the glass wall has gone its way.
Alone in the beauty of mornings light,
my friends are but a blight.
Family has become lost,
a cost mine alone.
Found peace in my love for a woman.
My shame turned to courage,
in the wake of her sails full with the breath of a new day.
I stand on the rock,
glass at my feet.
Shameless courage borne from all that is lost.
Alone I tremble,
too breathe the air of a new day.
This my 1st day my will power has said no, I have been tempted by a visiter, 2 very stressfull spots at work, punched in the face at another job, having to fire my friend because of his problem getting to work during daylight only to have him offer me a stress hoot.
I said no to all offers, acceppted the cravings as my own mind game. 9 months ago I gave into my better judgement and bit into Eve's apple.
I beat the urge today, tomorrow I breathe the air of a new day.
I'll deal with the day after that when it comes, it won't be any better than today I'm sure. One thing is for sure though, I wasn't seeing things in the shadows last night & I won't tonight and thats the pat on the back I need right now.
Be strong, live long & be well
Exp Year: 2005 | ExpID: 44413 |
Gender: Male | |
Age at time of experience: Not Given | |
Published: Jul 20, 2007 | Views: 7,991 |
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Crack (82), Cocaine (13) : Not Applicable (38), Poetry (43), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11) |
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