DOSE:

3.5 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

'Hey, you want to buy some mushrooms?' was the question that started it all. It was later in the evening on a Thursday, and I wasn't planning on getting any, but I thought 'Hey, why the hell not?'. So I got my money from the ATM and went upstairs to my friend's room to grab the bag. My boyfriend at the time just happened to be up there too, which prompted the 'Heeey, you guys should trip together!' that came from our dealer, who was trying to get rid of his stash before he had to go home for break. So my man said 'Hell yes, we will trip tomorrow!'

The next day, a little hungover, my man and I got up and discussed what we should eat the shrooms with. We ended up going to the store and I picked out some Bagel Bites, he picked up a Cup Noodles. Then, we ate an eighth each while watching tv. It took me longer to eat, because of the gross bagel bite-mushroom combo. When I was almost done, my man went to go take a shower while I sat around watching tv. Soon my man came knocking at my door, already tripping. He was being so goofy, so I just could not wait for my trip to take effect. Soon, I was ecstatic and laughing to the point of crying. A couple of our friends came into my room to watch us, maybe even mess with us.

I was just sitting around telling my friends how I wasn't feeling or seeing anything yet when I started to see color trails. I thought 'YES! HAHAHA! Finally!' Soon I was starting to feel like I shouldn't be in my room anymore. At this time, my friends and my man were watching this adidas commercial online with the light off and the shade pulled. My room was cluttered, and there were drips of cough syrup on the ground, from the night before when I had drunkenly given my man some of it to remedy his cough, along with the spoon with some drips of syrup on the desk. I was sitting on my bed, looking at the drips and spoon and I thought to myself 'Damn, this room is so messy', but I guess I said it out loud because my friend said 'Yeah, it's like a prison cell, haha.' Just my thoughts exactly. I needed to be out of the dark, messy, prison cell room because it was evil. I grabbed my purse, my jacket, and my keys, and ran off to my girlfriend's room.

As soon as I got into the room I felt joyous, there was music, there were my best girlfriends, and everything was good. One of my friends had her friends from home up and I made sure to tell them what I was doing. We chatted, and as we chatted, I started my eventual trip inside my body. I was sitting in a chair, and I had the urge to roll into the corner, so I did. I stayed there for a while until someone said 'Hey, why are you all the way over there?', so I got up to move to the bed. On my journey to the bed, my friend offered me a ritz cracker. It seemed completely ridiculous that someone would be offering me a ritz cracker, I mean, what the hell were they thinking? I got to the bed, and when I sat down, a few more people came in. It was one of my good friends with her latest boy-on-a-leash, who was pretty shy. Then came in my man and the other boys just coming back from my room. I wanted desperately to go outside and walk around with my man, maybe even go to the museum, but soon I was unable to move, and feeling pretty damn embarassed that I was sweating so much.

There were tons of people in this room. And with my man basically telling us the story of his life, plus many sub-stories, I felt like I didn't even have to talk. That turned into me not really knowing that I could talk. I didn't mind though, at that point I was contently observing everything around me. People's hair changing pretty colors, faces flattening and expanding, eyeglasses waving on faces, people in pictures talking mutely to each other. Soon I had no idea that I was a human. I sat there occasionally giggling when I caught the eye of my tripping lover, just knowing he and I had this great connection at the moment. It was almost an out of body experience, but I felt like I was a being just using this body to see things out of a human's eyes. It was just unreal.

Eventually after a while, I started feeling my teeth with my tongue, which felt weird, like my teeth were mountains. Then I found out that I could use my hands and arms, which turned out to be amusing, especially since I could detatch my left hand, and stretch my right arm abnormally. Then I started to pull on my sweater, I found out that my sweater was liquid, maybe that was why it was making me sweat so much. Then, amazingly I found out that I had a voice. I hummed for a minute then exclaimed 'Hey! I just found out that I can talk!!' Everyone just looked at me, and I felt sort of embarrassed. So I got up to test out my legs for a minute. After I sat back down was the start of a downward spiral.

People started to get up to leave, which didn't bother me until my man said 'Well, I'm going to go now.' I felt uninvited, which made me think about how everyone else left. I felt like I was the outcast, and that did not feel good. So I again began to be quiet. Now it was just me and my friend in the room. I was not talking at all, which probably made my friend feel awkward, since she was trying to talk to me while I was just sitting there staring at her. She asked if I was okay, so I nodded, got up, and sat down at a chair. This overwhelming feeling of forgetfulness washed over me and I inquired 'Hey, do you know if I was supposed to do something right now?' My friend told me no, and reminded me of plans we had that night. I didn't want to talk about it, so I remained unresponsive. I realized that I was weirding her out, and that made me feel bad about myself, so I got up and went into my room.

My room was still evil to me, but I felt like I needed to seperate myself from everyone, I was freaking out. I locked and deadbolted my door. Unable to turn on the light or open the shade, I flopped on the bed and tried to regain a feeling of safety, of self-esteem, almost. But there were those sticky, ugly drips on the ground. There was that nasty spoon on the desk. How embarrassing, there was my bra on the pile of clothes over there. Soon, my clothes felt suffocating. I ripped them off and tried to go to sleep. I lied there listening to myself breathing. After I felt like I had gotten over this fear, I rolled over, only to saddness.

I was alone. My grades were bad. I was being so weird. I could never be a good person. Squeezing my eyes closed I sobbed without crying. Desperation, I had to stop feeling this way. I felt emotionally pained and feeling like I had screwed myself out of ever being a good person. I had disappointed myself and countless others. My stomach was in knots. I tossed and turned. A feeling of hopelessness surrounded and crashed on me like a wave. I couldn't escape my faults coming down on me, one after another after another. After another. I sometimes wimpered 'Please stop, this has got to stop.' This room had become my own awful prison cell. I was scared and alone.

Suddenly, pounding at my door. In my underwear, I walked to the door and looked out. It was my boyfriend. 'Should I answer the door?', I thought. 'No, I shouldn't, I have to be alone.' I was so scared to be around anyone, and I didn't know why. He eventually left, tried calling, then came back. This time he would not leave when I yelled 'Go away!' weakly from my fetal position in my bed. He said 'Please let me in' calmly, so I threw on a robe and opened the door and immediately scurried back to my bed to assume my coiled up position. My man came over, sat down and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I didn't know. I wimpered and held on to his puffy jacket as he hugged me. He continued to comfort me and ask me questions until I was able to talk somewhat normally. I then asked him to open the shade. After we looked out the window for a little while he got a call and he told me that he'd be back in 15 minutes. I didn't want him to leave because he had calmed me down mentally, and I was feeling happy and okay again, but I thought I could maintain it, so I said it was okay.

I sat in my underwear and robe looking out the window, reality still wisping and waving and bending. At times I got nervous, but I was able to reassure myself. Eventually my boyfriend came back and that really made me feel better. We watched out the window, his trip almost all over, while I was still coming down. I had a good time looking out the window having a nice conversation.

After the whole thing, I understand the importance of being around people who you are very comfortable with. My emotions swung so fast and hard, and I should have never went off alone left to my own devices. Tripping is an amazing experience, bad or good. The only advice I can give is to not let yourself get into a hole, if you find that happening, talk to someone, talk about anything. Next time, I'm sure to stay around the friends I love who I won't feel unsure of myself around, that is, if I do try the magical mushroom again.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 44519
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 17, 2007	Views: 13,765
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Mushrooms (39) : Various (28), Relationships (44), Depression (15), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)