DOSE:

0.5 tablets

oral

BZP

BODY WEIGHT:

77 kg

Age: 18
Ht: 5'8
Mental status: anorexia, depressed, occasionally suicidal. Also hardly any drugs work good with me eg. weed makes me cry and makes me thoughts attack me. I never smoke weed cus I hate how it affects me.

Overall place taking pill: in a music festival
Taking pill with: guy I just met who I now consider a friend

Place pill was taken: walking towards a place to sit to have a drink (water) and chat with friends.
Aprox. Time: 10:30pm
Body just before taking pill: hungry-starvation, just stopped crying.
Mind just before taking pill: mildly depressed, excited.
Thought example just before taking pill: 'hopefully this will make me feel happy I mean it’s only half a tablet so I should be sweet...I hope this wont make me freak out.'

Place as pill began: sitting down with friends
Aprox. Time: 10:45pm
Body as pill began: relaxed a small bit
Mind as pill began: very very happy, falling in love with people around me though still at a normalish level (eg.I was scared of a few drunk people as I would have been sober), nothing else affected at all.
Thought example as pill began: 'gosh I love rammstein sooooo much'

Place at climax: watching the mars volta with a friend
Aprox. Time: 11pm-11: 30pm
Body at climax: legs couldn't help me stand up much, really tired, wanted to lean on people in the crowd
Mind at climax: I was in loooooove with everyone and I had never been that happy in my whole life, the glow stick I held seemed to be like god or something and the band to me were so amazing!! The music to me was the best I had ever heard. At first it was all exciting but eventually it toned down at the climax into a sort of floating where the only way I can describe it is like being the song 'just like heaven' by the cure (yes I’m a goth) if you have ever heard it you will have some idea.
Thought example at climax:
'You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven'

Place at come down: sitting watching a band with my friend and exiting the concert
Aprox time: 11: 45pm-12: 30pm
Body at time of come down: eyesight had trouble going from looking far away to looking up close (eg. Looking at the stage then looking at my mate beside me). Wanting to vomit, small headache, big-ish pupils but not too bad, pale face (but that’s kinda normal)
Mind at time of come down: head drifting in and out of soberness, not able to show my freaking-outness properly, like my insides was scared and swaying from 'I’m ok' to 'I’m sick' yet my body looked totally fine and I was acting normal. It may sound very scary but at the same time I was very happy which helped calm me down*. I just wanted to escape the concert but I was very astute and even bossy to my friend as to the fact that I wanted to leave.

Thought example at come down: 'stupid drugs playing with my head, luckily my friends are here, I want to vomit ick!, but come on it’s just the crowd and lack of food, when you get home you can have a good sleep'
*really I think it was the starvation and crowd that freaked me out.

Feeling sick/hangover?: in car on way home and at home
Aprox. Time: 1am-10am the next day
Body at hangover: really really wanted to vomit, couldn't eat anything!
Mind at hangover: still feeling very happy and in love. General good mood and pleasant thoughts/memories
Thought example: 'man I loved that concert and I love the cure...I love my mum and I cant wait until I see my friends again'

All in all=8.5/10
(1 being the lowest)

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 50039
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 11, 2008	Views: 16,919
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BZP (101) : Depression (15), General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)