DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Cannabis

(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

I first smoked weed when I was 14. Between 16 and 20, I was smoking weed nearly everyday and sure sometimes I'd experience paranoia but it was usually about things external to myself and those I was with like the possibility of being arrested while smoking in a car.

Over time though I've become severely paranoid when I smoke whether it's a whole blunt or one hit. I become incredibly quiet and preoccupied with my racing thoughts that involve: everyone hating me and that they are attempting to communicate it to each other (or even to me) in subtle, 'witty' ways - like a game or joke at my expense. As soon as I start to feel high, I become panicked - my heart races and my thoughts become disoriented and separated from reason and reality. I've even believed my sister and my boyfriend were in on 'it' at times which is obviously ridiculous.

When I did E and smoked at the same time, fucking hell! I thought I was going absolutely insane. I demanded that my friends check me into a mental hospital (they didn't).

I've been pretty good about just not smoking because I know how I react these days and it doesn't appear that I'll ever be able to smoke weed like I used to, but every now and again I'll smoke - it's so natural for me to do it and I still desire it - but I always end up the same way: freaked the fuck out.

What really sucks is that having had so many of these paranoid experiences has somewhat altered my normal personality. I feel inferior to those who can smoke weed and even when I'm not smoking, I feel like others probably don't like me: basically, this paranoia has entered my normal life to an extent and my self-esteem has really been altered. I feel like I've lost good friends over this or at the very least our relationships have been altered.

I wanted to get this out because while I believe weed should be legalized and think it's a fun, harmless drug for others, there are some of us who cannot smoke it harmlessly. And it has been my experience that if repeated enough times, these paranoid modes of thinking under the influence can become habitual and infringe on reality.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 51732
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 1, 2018	Views: 1,270
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cannabis (1) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)