DOSE:

oral

Mushrooms

(edible / food)

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

I wouldn't consider myself a person experienced in psychadelics. I've eaten mushrooms 3 times before and never experienced LSD. I was planning on going to a party last night, so I had planned to eat my mushrooms at a later date. My boyfriend and our roommate ate theirs around 6 in the afternoon. Their trips lasted about 4 1/2 hours off of just 1 1/2 chocolate bars.

My roommate had never tripped before, and he didn’t seem very impressed with the visuals, although he admitted that he experienced an impaired emotional state. My boyfriend stated he experienced mild visuals, with a highly intense state of ego separation & emotional awareness.

Around 3 in the morning, after I was somewhat exhausted by just watching their experience, (they insisted on carrying out every day experiences such as having a lot of people around, which isn’t a desired atmosphere for me) I ate my dose and started looking at pictures I had drawn that were colorful, and had a lot of lighthearted memories tied to them.

During this time, my roommate was half awake and enjoying my fits of giggles over the usual things. I was starting to have trouble communicating my feelings with him, we were in the middle of a somewhat sleepy conversation when I began to feel the head change. As he settled onto the couch and I lay in the floor below, I began to experience a level of meditation and trance that was intensified by the fact that he was falling asleep as I was beginning to trip.

One of my first real hallucinations was a common one, the plaster on my ceiling began to churn and create a spinning, whirring pattern. The globe over my light fixture was completely pristine, although in reality it's dust covered and I can see dead moths inside. This is one of the last things I pointed out to my roommate before he began to doze. (oddly enough, even though he had stopped tripping hours before, he didn’t see any dead insects inside the globe and it appeared cleaner than usual).

As I stared at the room, I realized that I was becoming significantly more in tune with the rhythm of nature. I listened to a lot of trance, and in retrospect, I remember clearly thinking that what I was witnessing was a whirring, out of control conga line. I wasn’t moving, but I was being moved, by whatever was moving everything else. All of these visuals were present with my eyes opened or closed. I'm not sure how long I was in this state, but once I realized there were words to the music I was listening to, I brought myself out of it & realized how thirsty I was. I had brought drinks into the room because I know how hard it can be to reach the refrigerator when I'm shrooming. I picked up the drink, took off the lid, and put it back on the floor beside me.

I had a vase with a color changing light below it. I turned the vase upside down, it looked very odd and I felt as though I were being pulled into it. The entire room took on a more sphere like shape. Everything seemed to be round and I was constantly aware of gravity around me. I realized my roommate was sleeping in an odd position. This position worried me that something was wrong with him. He was angled with his knees up, and his elbows behind his head. When he awoke, he assured me that he was okay, but I was afraid for him to touch me. His skin felt a different texture than usual and he appeared to have a mirror above him, reflecting his already distorted image.

After he woke up he had to use the bathroom, and I was content with being alone for a while. I rolled around in the floor and the texture of my blanket on my skin felt odd, but not unpleasant. I tried to change the music on the computer, but I didn’t recognize any of the songs on my playlist. I felt as though I were shrinking, then fell into fits of laughter when I realized I was walking around on my knees.

I was already behaving erratically, much more so than my boyfriend or my roommate did when they were on their trip. However, it's not in my nature to want to behave as I usually do when I trip, I have a richer experience when I can be as silly or thoughtful as I'd like to be.

I was no where near peaking, I still had at least another hour before I would. I knew it was hitting me really hard (I underestimated the dose, and based my reactions off of the ones I witnessed earlier) and I began to wonder if I had ever been as far out as I was getting on this trip.

After what seemed like an eternity, my roommate returned to the room. He was interested in how I felt, but still sleepy. He looked at a picture of me & my mom. He stated how my sister & my mother looked alike, and a few moments later stated that I also resembled them. He's been my friend for a really long time, and by looking at him, it seemed as though he were having deep thoughts about how eerie our resemblance was. I explained to him that what was so creepy was that we not only look alike, we mimic movements and talk alike. We're also all three a little on the eccentric, odd side.

I believe this is where my trip took a very strange turn. I realized I was still thirsty after having no drink earlier. I still couldn’t bring the drink to my lips. I got another drink out of the refrigerator. Once opened, I was unable to drink anything. The visuals were becoming more constant with less coherent breaks. My coffee table seemed to be pressing against a wind that was unable to blow it away or move it in any way. The drinks on the surface of it seemed to be frozen, or iced over. I needed to use the restroom, but I was unable to move from the floor because I felt like I kept getting sucked down into it.

I decided to walk to the bathroom while I was feeling less panicked. My sister was asleep in the room right next to the bathroom. Oddly enough, she was in the same knees and elbows position as my roommate had been only 45 minutes before that looked so odd and uncomfortable. I wanted to see if my roommate thought it was odd as well, and he did. He remembered how I had described him sleeping, and was a little weirded out at how during my trip things were seeming to tie together, even things that were in another room & beyond my control. I thought deeply about the emotional problems my mother has had, their effect on me, and I saw the same pattern in my young sister. I became extremely sad, and this was intensified when she sounded as though she were crying in her sleep. No matter what was actually happening to her in her dream, it felt to me as though all of my fears were being played over a loudspeaker in her dream. After this, I turned around all the pictures of me and my mother in the house.

I did this like a little child plays house, I was almost void of the intense emotion I had felt moments earlier, it felt as though I had a choice of going on a ride like that and I chose not to. I turned it off and focused on the colors. However, the vibe I got during this short period of time was unshakable for the rest of my trip.

I remember getting my blanket & pillow to familiarize myself with something soothing. I held my pillow in my lap and rocked back & forth. Although it might sound like I would have had to been pretty scared to be rocking, I honestly think I just couldnt sit still.

It was now that I reached my peak. I was rocked by a really intense wave of hallucinations, both visual and physical. I had a hard time if I saw my feet or my hands, both appeared deformed. However, I wasn’t scared of them, I just didn’t want to see them because I wasn’t sure they were where I thought they were, and if they were mine. My pillow changed textures and became uncomfortable for me to hold, so I tossed it aside. This must have appeared odd to my roommate, who woke up just in time to see me toss my pillow into the corner and back away from it.

I saw the look on his face and tried to explain, but neither he, nor I could understand what I was saying. The words were perfect in my head, but when they came out, they were backwards, wrong, or not even real words.

I became extremely frustrated, then I found the situation hilarious, then frustrated again when it seemed to be a lasting hallucination. I don’t remember visuals during this time, I was concentrating on putting together a sentence because my roommate was beginning to look concerned. I finally managed to say that I was thirsty, this time with his help (which was nothing more than him handing me my sprite) I got a good refreshing swallow before being unable to hold the drink in my hands. The room was literally spinning with color, songs blending, humming. This was all so loud and really hard to watch but completely impossible to ignore.

I don’t consciously remember returning to thinking of my mother & sister during this time. I really don’t see how it was possible for my mind to go anywhere else. I asked, 'Why is it so sad? That we're alike I mean...it really shouldn’t be that odd...'

During this time, I was shaking like I was freezing to death. I've never shook like that before, I was shaking from the inside out. I had just been unable to communicate, and I was informed later that during this part of my trip that my eyes were void of any color and I couldn’t control my laughing or crying.

I could faintly hear my roommate telling me he wasn’t sure if I should eat mushrooms again. Suddenly his voice stood out against the buzz, and I heard him say, 'it's hereditary...you probably shouldn’t do anything to provoke it...'
Even though it felt like hours, I realized he was answering my question. He'd not only understood me, he'd fully understood my question. He's known me since I was a little kid, and although he's my best friend, he's never had the opportunity to meet my mother.

I heard myself tell him that she makes a different face for each of her daughters, and that for me, she squints her eyes and purses her lips. (this wasn’t just the trip talking, she really does, although it never seemed odd to me before)

I couldn’t drink my drink again. I saw the room clearly for a moment, full of open drinks with only a swallow taken out of one, pictures taken off the walls, turned around backwards, and I was suddenly filled with the most terror I ever felt in my life. Around the same time, I began to feel my body again. I hadn’t realized that for hours I really didn’t feel my body, just the pull of gravity on my weight.

I started to come down around this time. It didn’t decrease the sense of panic. The sounds had decreased to a dull roar, the colors began to breathe faster and become their own entity rather than just part of one big...something.

I was clenching my jaw harder than I'd ever imagined possible, my knuckles were white where I kept clenching the inside of my jeans. Suddenly I felt like when I was a little girl, and I had a flashback of sitting in my room in the dark, scared to move because I was sure something evil was in the room. I wanted to get off this ride as soon as possible. I wanted to be held, I was ready for someone to be wide awake with me. As soon as it was 6:15 I went to see what time my boyfriend had to go to work. He was oblivious to the fact that I had eaten any mushrooms, I tried to just lay down with him, but he started talking about financial issues. I got upset quickly, and he started to try and soothe me. He asked when I dosed, and assured me that I'd be okay within an hour, possibly a little less, a little more. It was very soothing to hear that parts of his trip had been scary too, and that even though I'd been blown away, my sanity would still be in tact when I stopped tripping.

He started asking me about my trip as though it were over (I didn’t realize how helpful this was until afterward), asking about the really fun parts. I was still mildly annoyed because it felt like as tired as I was, my mind kept seeing colors and patterns.
When we came into the living room and he saw the pictures turned around in their frames, the look on his face upset me...I'm sure he was surprised, but he's told me before that dark trips (I had never had one before) can turn pictures and mirrors into hell. He made the mistake of picking one up, and I surprised myself by starting to blubber.
I don’t (and never will) understand my thought process being as screwed as it was. I've had misdelivered thoughts during a trip before, but never felt as though someone else were controlling my thoughts.

If it weren’t enough I was having what most people call a bad trip, I was getting down on myself because I couldn’t blink the negative thoughts away.

I decided that since the sun was finally up I'd smoke my first cigarette since I ate them. While I was outside, I could distinctly hear my boyfriend ask if I'd been like that all night. Then whispering. As I finished my cigarette, smoke faded into the sky and my trip melted away as quickly as it had came on. I no longer felt any sort of irritation. I was too exhausted and in awe of my experience.

I've never felt anything like that before. I've been told that a mushroom trip as dark as I had was hard to come by. However, until this, I never understood why a trip could be life changing and spiritual. My roommate didn’t understand how each of us could have had such different experiences. He said he could have turned all the lights out, listened to trance and still never came near feeling how I felt.

As scary as this trip was, it was like a roller coaster I felt like I was about to fall off. As scared as I was while I was on it, once I was off, I was ready to stand in line to ride again.

However, I plan to have at least two people, at least one of them sober with me the next time I trip. One of them will be equipped with xanaxs and valiums just in case.
Thanks for reading, and be safe.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 56521
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 25, 2006	Views: 12,380
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Mushrooms (39) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)