BODY WEIGHT:

179 lb

This website talks about drugs and also states of mind, caused by either chemicals entering the brain and doing their thing or by natural things such as meditation. Well I am bipolar, which was called 'manic-depressive disorder' which means I have manic episodes and depressive episodes. Mania, to me, can be described as the ultimate 'natural high'. Less stronger than cocaine, much more stronger than caffeine. I will attempt to explaine my mental state, emotions, thoughts, actions, etc. etc. so you can dive into my gift and curse of bipolar.

+Mania+

Onset-
Probably the best part of mania. What I normally begin to feel is

Mood Lift
Excessive Self Esteem
Energy
Creative Thought
Spending Sprees
and even a decent degree of Euphoria.

I become talkative, cocky, erotic, I tend to smile alot, I can sleep for 3 hours and feel completely rested, basically I feel supreme.

Day 2
After a night time sleep at 3am, waking up at 6am and feeling like a morning bird, going outside to see the beautiful Arizona sunrise during spring brings even more moodlift. I become task oriented, thinking of nothing but achieving my goal, I even help my dad changing the tires which he had to take a break and I continued on uninterupted. Visual flow of artistic ideation is swirling in my head, I usually draw a scale with all my manic feelings on the right side, weighing down the right side of the scale. To me that represents my skewed emotional balance.

Day 3
I don't get any sleep, I go on shopping sprees, buying hats, shirts, pants, candy, games, flowers, markers... Buying something always makes me feel good during mania.

Day 4
Usually everything becomes less fun, I become irritable, inattentive, like if I have adhd. This is when mania takes its toll

Day 5
I'm coming down, this is when I usually start feeling tired and depressed. My depression can be more accuratetly desribed as apathetic. Basically I just start not giving a fuck. This is usually the end of the manic ride and I go into the depressed state.

-Depression-
Onset
After becoming exhausted I begin to feel sort of neutral to apathy. I basically have somnolence throughout the day. I feel

Fatigue
Apathy
Forgetfullness
Irritable
Gloomy
Everything seems darker..

Day 2
Apathy then transforms into guilt and worthlessness. Suicidal ideation begins to creep into my thoughts. In this point in stage I think 'what would happen If I shoot myself' but I rarely attempt suicides on Day 2, if ever.

Day 3-Day 6
Depression always lasts longer in bipolar, I feel like shit, tired, basic feelings of depression

Day 7 and plus
I never know how long this state will last but it usually lasts for 2 weeks where I just have suicidal ideation and such.

-Neutral+

Onset
Depression slowly fades away into what I perceive as 'normal'. I can never fully understand what 'normal' is but I know just what it feels like, or what I would think it is.

I decided to share this because bipolar, to me, is both a gift and a curse that about 3% of the american population is affected by. This place is meant for Mind and Body, drugs or not, but anyways I hope this gives you an understanding to the simple but complex mind of the human being.

PeACe

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 61965
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 3, 2007	Views: 8,901
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Endogenous (86) : Various (28), Retrospective / Summary (11), Depression (15), Health Problems (27)