DOSE:

4.5 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

In my existence (as of this point) I have done a number of psychoactive drugs. I have smoked pot, opium, tobacco, I have snorted cocaine and heroin, I have inhaled ether, drank alcohol and tripped off LSD and Shrooms. The majority of this has been done since I started college in august of 2006. I am 18.

In mid-November a few friends of mine (myself included) decided it had been a while since we had tripped so we decided to get our hands on some kind of psychedelic. My initial intent was to get some acid (LSD) and have a spiritual journey. LSD is definitely my drug of choice. I called a connection of mine looking for any amount of acid he might have on hand. It turned out he had none. So we settled for shrooms.

At around 9:00pm the dealer showed up at my dorm. I brought him up to my room and my friend Pat and I hung out with the dealer and his girlfriend for a short while, playing guitar and catching up and what not. Eventually we got tired of small talk and got down to business. I had borrowed my neighbors scale and we weighed out around 1 ounce of shrooms and paid the man. I paid for my own ¼ and the rest was paid for by Pat. I placed mine in a plastic bag and we walked to my friend Wesley’s room, just down the hall from me. My mind set at this point was calm for the most part. A little bit anxious, I did have a drug dealer in my room and we had an ounce of shrooms on us, it was similar to standing in line for a roller coaster. My life was good and I felt it was by no means a bad night to visit the land of melting walls.

At 9:30pm we ingested our shrooms. Pat ate a little bit less then an eighth of mostly stems, Wesley and Benjamin ate about the same, while I ate a bit more than an eighth. I did this because Wesley’s friend Alex was wanting to trip but had never done it before so I let him have the sixteenth that was probably left after what I had eaten. We ate the fungus with peanut butter. Although it doesn’t taste to bad alone, it just needs something extra to soften the blow.

We hung around in Wesley’s room for a short period of time before heading outside for a cigarette. Once outside we sat around smoking and listening to Wesley make fun of people. He’s not the most friendly person. Pretty soon we decided we couldn’t stay in any of our rooms because each of our roommates were asleep and we didn’t want to bother them. We called around looking for someone’s room to trip in without causing a problem. Before to long we managed to convince Benjamin’s roommate to let us stay there for the night.

By 10:00pm I could tell the world was changing. I began to shiver a little (most likely because of the cold mountain air). I looked at the brick structure of my dorm and was stunned by the way it towered over the landscape, at nine floors high and at the top of a hill it seemed almost godly. I knew I was in for a pretty good trip.

We walked the 200 yards to Benjamin’s dorm and went to his room. We weren’t there for more then two minutes before we decided we needed a cigarette. We went back outside. The courtyard of Benjamin’s dorm is very, very pleasant. The brick stairwell that is the center piece of the courtyard is rounded and provides an architectural center piece for the eye. It was here that we sat, and here that my trip really began.

Before long I started to grow tired of Wesley’s insulting people, and the sophomoric conversations that were being held amongst the group. So I walked away to try and find an entrance into another world. I sat on the stairs 5 feet away from my friends, and although I was only five feet away I was in my own world. I reclined, with only a little discomfort, on the stairs, and stared into the heavens. The shape of the building, imagine a square with one side missing, made a perfect frame for the stars. As I looked into the night sky I began to feel the world bend and curve. It felt as though I was in a snow globe, looking at the ceiling of stars. And the stars were beautiful. They seemed so distant and yet felt so close. I saw a number of shooting stars, if all or any of them were real I will never know, all of which seemed to be beckoning me to follow them.

It was in this position that I began to feel cold, and uncomfortable. The cold I felt was normal, it was early winter in the mountains and cold is not uncommon. I began to secretly wish that the rest of the guys would finish their smokes and head inside. I couldn’t get in by myself, the door is locked. Eventually they did and we walked back inside the building. I was sure I was tripping by this point it was around 10:45pm and things were swaying left and right. I felt high and nervous, but at the same time I kept trying to breathe and relax, attempting to avoid the awkward feeling I had in my body. As we approached my friend’s room I decided to go off by myself. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!!

I walked to the elevator and pushed the up button. When the elevator arrived the doors opened slowly, as if they were trying to warn me of something. The elevator itself felt too spacious. I am by nature the complete opposite of claustrophobic, I feel uncomfortable in large open rooms, so the elevator felt very eerie. I pushed the button to take my to the third floor, I wanted to go to the music room and play some instruments, the elevator moved so unnaturally slowly. The creaking and whining of the wires made the box feel cold, empty, and lonely. I felt completely alone in the elevator. It was as if the elevator and I were the only things that existed, like there was nothing outside the box. It got to the point were I didn’t want the doors to open. I wanted to remain in my box. The only place I had known for what felt like days now. When the elevator stopped and the doors finally did open I felt like I had just awoken from a dream. I was back in reality but I was uncomfortable and indecisive. The worst part was, the music room was occupied by a group of kids playing music. I didn’t want my shroomed-out self to risk the chance of getting caught so I headed back towards the elevator.

I decided to avoid the elevator this time and explore the rest of the building. I took the stairs to the top floor (4th floor) and came across a small library. I walked in to find a single room filled with books and a few couches. I concluded that this would be the perfect place to enjoy my trip. I began walking along the selves looking at books and “feeling” for the perfect book to look at. All the books seemed to have an invisible force that gave me a clue as to if it would be worth reading. It was like they were speaking to me, inaudibly and inactively, but they were getting their point across. Another friend of mine called me about this point inquiring as to what I was up to and if I wanted to hang out. I told him I was on shrooms and was not capable of traveling any distance at this point, so we ended our conversation. The conversation itself was awkward. I knew I sounded like I was not in my right mind. And I felt a little like I was being questioned. I let it go thinking it was just paranoia.

I have never been a very singularly-religious person. I have had many debates with people about different religious aspects and am to this point in the midst of a glorious spiritual self discovery. So imagine my surprise when, as I looked for a book on meditation or peace or eastern philosophy, the book that called my attention and glowed with the aura of peace and acceptance and perfection was none other than the King James Bible. I grabbed it off the self and felt the leather binding pulsate with a warmth that lead me to believe that this was the book I was “meant” to read (although I had read it before). So thinking I was in for a calm spiritual conversation with Jesus I sat down in a comfortable chair and… just sat there.

Something stopped me. I flipped through the pages expecting some visions or feelings that would lead me to GOD. But I couldn’t read the pages. My eyes would not focus on the words. They were a blur on the page, and incomprehensible. So thinking I had gotten my hopes up I laid back and just held the book in my hand and stared into nothing as the walls slowly circled around me…

I began to become energetic in a bad way. I paced the room, feeling as though I needed to do something and beginning to think far too much. I began to think about my ex-girlfriend and how much I still wanted her, but in a purely physical sexual way. I looked out the window and saw only myself staring back. I looked at my reflection for some time. It began worry. I was not seeing things at this point, nor was I high, I was indecisive and uncertain about everything. I couldn’t make up my mind on if I should go back to my friends room, or go back to my room, or do something, or sit back, or lean over my knees, I was bombarded by a million possible decisions and I couldn’t decide on any of them. Eventually I began to feel like I might vomit. I was thinking,” I did just eat fungus, maybe if I throw up I will feel better?” but I couldn’t make up my mind on that either. I was lost in a world of questions, unanswered questions that drove my mind wild with fear.

It was at this point that I heard a loud clank! And a boy walked into the room to do some late night studying. I felt right then the uncontrollable feeling of vomit rising in my throat, I walked quickly out of the room without acknowledging the boy. I decided the elevator would take to long to reach me so I walk as quickly as I could down the stairs. I ignored peoples hellos and I raced to the 2nd floor were the outside door was. I didn’t want to go back to my friend’s room. I wanted seclusion and a place to vomit. I walked outside but there were too many people around, so I couldn’t vomit right there. I walked back towards my dorm. And it wasn’t until I was behind all the dorms next to a volleyball court that I decided I was secluded enough to vomit. I tried. Nothing. Again. Nothing. I felt that I might need to induce vomiting myself, which I have never done. But I chickened out.

I was standing gagging into the weeds at 11:00pm wondering what the hell I had done to myself. That is when the Horror began to set in. I felt as if I had poisoned myself and the only treatment was to come clean. A trip to the hospital was the last thing I wanted. I stood for a short time staring out at the parking-lot, not thinking, attempting to calm down. I soon decided to return to my room and tough it out. I felt as if once I got to my own room things would be ok.

I hurried to my dorm, past the night-star, and up the stairs. I walked in my room, my roommate was asleep, by this point it was around midnight, I took my clothes and climbed into my top-bunk bed. From this point on the trip began to have “meaning.” My first thoughts were, “It’s all ok, no one has ever died from doing only shrooms, as long as I stay here and stay safe I will be alright.” Later I began thinking that maybe I will throw up in my throat a little and suffocate on the unpurged vomit. I was very worried. I began reflecting on my life up to this point and I felt as if I had gone down a bad road and that maybe this was a sign to stop, to ease off the gas and take a break from drugs. In my head I was seeing moments of my life packaged into transparent cylindrical tubes. These tubes began to spin slowly around each other. The whole time I was lying curled in my bed shivering violently, breathing heavily, and debating on whether or not I should attempt to talk to my roommate. I began to feel that if I were to just talk to him I would feel better and things would be fine. I felt like I was in hell, I felt horrible uncomfortable, on the verge of vomiting, I was shaking, heaving, feeling like death was at my door, and I was blaming myself for doing this to myself.

It was around this time that I decided, “Fuck it.” If it happens it happens. I don’t know what I meant but I just accepted it. I began to talk to my roommate in my head. I was imagining a conversation. I was telling him what I had done and he was accepting and just listened. I started to calm down. I still felt uneasy but I was less at odds with the world. I saw, in my head, a glowing mass. It was an oblong white glowing cloud with six gloved hands, three on each side. The gloves reminded me of Glover. The hands were scooping the air towards themselves, almost in a beckoning fashion. I didn’t want to think of this as the light that people follow near death so I just watched it. This whole time my eyes were closed and I was lying curled in my bed. I felt a wave of relaxation wash over me. I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes.

The room seemed to have grown hugely. The walls were stretched out many feet beyond there normal places. The ceiling, which is usually arms length away, seemed unreachable even if I were to have stood on my bed. I felt like I was lying in a cloud, high above the ground but sill in my room. This was the most relaxing uplifting, and pure moment I have ever had on any psychedelic. I began laughing under my breath so as not to wake up my roommate. I was overcome with joy and happiness. I just rested, eyes fixed on the ceiling for at least an hour. I was entertained by the shadows that danced across the ceiling.

Around 1:15 or so Pat called my cell phone inquiring as to were I went. I never told them I had left. I tried to explain the joy I was feeling at the time but I couldn’t. No words could explain it.

In retrospect I believe that this was the most meaningful experience on psycho-actives I have ever had. I did not really learn anything. But the emotions I had were far greater than any other time. I haven’t done shrooms since then. I think I have been kind of scared away from them. But it is worth it.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 63107
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Sep 11, 2009	Views: 12,055
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