Follow @Erowid on Instagram!
I Might Have a Problem
Inhalants (Butane)
Citation:   Grasshopper. "I Might Have a Problem: An Experience with Inhalants (Butane) (exp6615)". Erowid.org. Mar 10, 2002. erowid.org/exp/6615

 
DOSE:
    Inhalants (gas)
I'm just now really starting to feel controlled by my substance abuse- I smoke marijuana constantly- but thats not a problem- with all the ganja I smoke I can remain functional- whats fucking me is huffing. Dusters, butane- I told myself it would be a brief experimental interlude- and the first time was so warped mad crazy I swore I wouldn't fuck around with the stuff- but I tried it again and now I'm not addicted but certainly compelled to take more- here I am sitting at my computer having just finished off a can of butane- I'm not high now, merely cause I just came down from getting my wah-wahs on- listening to tool- and just had a hellishly compelling moment of thought on the future and how I've done nothing with my life- I have a shitty job and I'm going insane from all the drugs I do. I don't know what the future holds- I'm scared cause I know I don't follow through with anything in life- is it a defeatist attitude or merely knowing myself? occasionally I contemplate suicide- I usually put it out of my head but sometimes I play out the scenario in my head- wonder who would actually weep for me- imagine watching my body being put in the ground- imagine my boyfriend- my mother- all sorts of people-

I don't know why I'm typing this but this is whats on the brain after a canister of volatile solvent. I'm not sure what happens next- I do dusters at work sometimes- I just smoked an ounce in the last 4 days- and I feel helpless- a slave to my own stupidity.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 6615
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 10, 2002Views: 25,587
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Inhalants (29) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Alone (16)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults