DOSE:

1 tablet

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

This was my first time using ecstasy.

previous drug use: codeine, cannabis(often), dxm(often), drinking pretty heavily(not often, its pretty bad for your brain), salvia.

preparations: I had been meditating for a week or so, training my mind to focus on what i wanted it to focus on. as a result of this preparation, i felt no paranoia about whether the experience would turn sour, and no worries about whether this pill i was going to be taken was adulterated. While meditating i had been focusing on my third eye, and working towards opening it. i had succesfully felt and seen my third eye open two days before my experience, but only for a few seconds. I also prepared buy drinking two liters of water before hand, eating saltine crackers with hummus, taking two multivitamins, and purchasing an extra package of crackers and an extra liter of water for my journey. i also brought my ipod to heighten the senses, and my cell phone in case things went sour. i also didnt take anything illegal with me, so that if i saw a cop, i wouldnt have any worries.

Mindset: I was somewhat nervous at first, as i always get when first trying a substance. thanks to the meditation, i was easily able to calm my mind down, and open it to any possibilities of what may occur during my experience. I had also been feeling somewhat emotionally empty for the past couple months, and was feeling as if i was losing my true personality, because i am normally a very emotional person, not in the sense of being dramatic or oversensitive, but in the sense of being able to develop deep, true love very easily, and having alot of natural empathy for everyone, and lately i had been feeling different.

setting: I planned to spend my glorious first time in the local state park, by myself. the park is near the ocean so its filled with dunes and trees. it was sunny, with some cool looking clouds, and a vague sense of change in the air.

the experience: I took the pill at 4:30. it was a blueish green playboy pill. I instantly felt more happy. it was probably placebo. I told my mom i was going for a bike ride to the state park. i thought the bike ride would get my blood flowing and help me feel the ecstasy more. about twenty minutes after taking the pill, my stomach felt like it was being covered in menthol, and it felt wonderful, as if i could feel the mdma leaving my stomach and entering my bloodstream. i knew that it was starting.

I was on the way to the dunes in the park, and i noticed a wedding going on at the boardwalk. i showed up exactly at the part of the ceremony where the bride and groom kiss. i couldnt stop smiling, and i felt amazingly lovey-dovey seeing these two join there souls together.

i went to the seven eleven to pick up some water and crackers. this is at about the 40 min. mark. at this point i feel much more energetic and empathic, and i find myself with little to no inhibitions at this point. i can tell the people at the counter think that im high, and i just dont even care. im actually glad that im high enough to be recognized as high. I flash everyone in the store i see a big smile, and the room just feels lighter and happier when i leave.

I bike past a hotel, and i hear someone saying 'hey kid, hey kid.' so I turn around and ask the man from where the sounds seems to be coming what he wants. he looks at me with a confused look on his face and says in the same voice that i heard, 'i didnt say anything, man.' auditory hallucination? maybe... I experienced a few as the day went along.

I reach the park, and the motions of the trees are very exaggerated. my euphoria is very present now, and the grin is pasted on my face for the next couple hours. this is about 1 hour in.

I arrive at the dune, and it feels like im floating. walking feels effortless. i sit at a tree stump and drink some water.i feel confident that this is the right place for the experience. the mdma felt for the most part how i had expected it to feel. not much body buzz, but a little bit, and a strong, ever-present feeling of confidence, free-spiritedness, and euphoria.

i bring out the ipod. its time. I put on that song by cascada thats kinda popular, and the voice is incredible. i close my eyes, and it feels like ive floated above the clouds, and am now inside the singers head, just floating around. the music was so crystal clear, i could hear every nuance of change in tone, i could sense when the producers had used pitch correction, i could feel the breath producing the pitch touching my ears. it felt like the music was pouring into my skull and bouncing around inside. needless to say, this heightened my happiness by alot, and at this point, i was ready to understand why ecstasy is tied to the rave scene.

the drums started pounding that beat right as i started running. i ran down the dune and danced. i danced. and danced. i didnt feel my intensely high heart beat. i didnt feel out of breath, even though i was. i didnt feel the stitch in my side from all the water id been drinking. and i didnt worry about not feeling them either. it seemed something so trivial, so earthly, that it was of no importance. it felt like my purpose at that moment was to squeeze every bit of happiness out of my head at once, and the only way i could do that was to keep moving. I cut my feet on the broken glass in the sand (its a big party spot for kids), and didnt even stop to worry about it. i ran, through many dunes, through many parts of the forest, always returning to the main dune, always feeling like i was constantly coasting forward. hence the term 'rolling.'

i stopped for water often, just to keep my fear of dehydration away from my thoughts. The dancing was amazing, and definitely the height of the presence of the drug.

i could tell my heart was being pushed, so i stopped dancing for a while. this is at the two hour mark. i folded my legs indian style and started to meditate. i focused on my feelings, and tried to secure them in my memory in order to bring them back out at anytime in the future. meditation is great for that kind of stuff. its like you can control anything in your mind. anyway, i thought about how great it would be to take ecstasy with this girl im digging on, because of its great ability to open feelings, and make me honest with myself. I also felt that ecstasy could be a drug i take anytime, not habitually since it would lose its magic, but it seems like something that could cheer up any situation, any time, with any group of people. I thought about why i had felt so empty lately, and i was unable to come up with a conclusion. i believe its just a time where my emotions are resting, and not that i have lost my emotions.

I began to focus on my third eye. i curled up into a ball, sitting on the dune, and focused on the empty space for where my third eye is. small silhouettes began to take shape, and i noticed an eye shape, orange colored, beginning to take a stronger shape. i felt the space in between my two eyes stretch open, and i knew what was happening. i opened my eyes, and could see the circle of vision that my third eye was seeing. it was floating right in front of me, producing images of faces and monsters and landscapes and shapes. it was different then before.

i then realized it was time to head home, cause i was going to see Superbad that night. i put on Going to California by led zeppelin on my ipod as i was walking out of the forest, as it is my favorite song ever. i was singing all the lyrics, and the people who live near the entrance to the park, gave me a wierd look, but the feeling I get on ecstasy is so understanding, so honest, so innocent, so free, that I am not concerned with why they would be giving me wierd looks, and I'm not concerned with why I'm singing. i was singing because it felt right, and good, and that is that. i was singing because my heart told me to, and so few people ever listen to their heart.

i biked home. superbad was fucking hilarious. the happiness seemed permanent. i never crashed.

the end of my first of many ecstasy experiences to come.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 66206
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 28, 2008	Views: 10,798
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MDMA (3), Meditation (128) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Alone (16)