DOSE:

1.2 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

70 kg

Sometime ago I did my first Shroom trip. My 'drug history' is rather simple. I've enjoyed alcohol few times, which of course were interesting trips too and one time marijuana. I grew some P. cubensis myself, it's relatively easy and getting the spores was not hard during our amazing internet era. I dried my shrooms and decided to embark on my first trip. I did some mental preparations but overall I admit that my Set & Setting was a failure. The weather had been terrible and it made me a little depressed and tired. But the main thing that I reckon as the key to my bad experience was the lack of company. I was supposed to trip with my a good friend but unfortunately he wasn't able to join me. This made me feel very lonely and a little depressed. Still I decided to do it.

Clock was 4.00 pm and I ate 1.2 grams dried mushrooms. It wasn't exactly a culinary experience, or it certainly was but not in the positive sense. With a help of yoghurt its easy to eat them. The moment I had eaten them I thought to myself that I shouldn't have done this. I decided to go for a walk into the rain and darkness. I felt scared what was going to happen. During the walk I momentarily felt better and managed to persuade myself into believing that it was either going to be an enjoyable experience or alternatively the shrooms just wouldn't work. Neither of these happened.

I came back around 4.50 pm. I sat down in the couch in the livingroom. I had made a tripping mix mostly of good ambient music that was about 40 mins long. I wondered when I should start to listen to it. At the same time I got more and more scared. I felt like panicking since I had failed to create good Set & Setting. Clock was now 5.00 pm and the mushrooms started to kick in. Overall I felt like a had a little fewer, a feeling which I find very unpleasant. My stomach was feeling sick and I though I might throw up, although it wouldn't actually help anymore. My entire body felt like I was poisoned and like I was falling into a relaxful state of coma. I felt that I couldn't handle the situation, whatever I'd do now wouldn't help. I'd had to go through the trip, all alone.

Shrooms were slowly kicking in and my panic was increasing alongside. My heart was beating very fast although feeling it (or exactly anything else) was hard. I slowly faded more and more into a dreamy state. Thinking was getting harder. All I could feel was pure fear. I tried to take my mind away with TV and music. My tripping mix didn't work as planned, it all sounded odd muffled noise, no matter what kind of music it was. Listening to it was in fact impossible. It served more as a measurement of time and background noise.

TV instead proved to be far more interesting. Not listening to it, only watching and reading the subtitles seemed to give me an amazing insight into the programs. Watching TV was far more rewarding than in normal state of mind. Clock was now around 6 pm. Although watching TV was interesting I nearly prayed on my knees my trip would soon end. I cannot explain with words the fear and panic I felt.

The TV show I watched ended, which made me face the terrifying fact that I didn't have anything to take my mind away from my unpleasant feelings. I decided to lay on the couch and close my eyes. It made me feel even worst but I struggled on. As I kept my eyes close I began to see some sort of visuals. What I mostly saw was an odd structure which no words can describe. Lets just say it was a mixture of pyramid, christmas ornament and spruce tree made out of gold which rotated behind pitch black background. Slowly I started to forget my panic and yes, even slightly starting to enjoy my trip. I felt like ascending into deeper and deeper. For a short moment I welcomed whatever was to come.

Then I heard some form of mental voice of me saying 'not this time'. This wasn't the right trip to venture deeper. I sort of woke up after this sudden message and once again a massive wave of panic crashed into my mind. During the time I laid on the couch, eyes closed, my thoughts were flying and I realised a few amazing and beautiful things of great complexity, which however felt at the moment so very simple. I think I actually cried too. I continued watching TV and was pleasantly surprised to see that a good time had passed and so my trip was hopefully closer to the end than the beginning.

Watching TV was yet again amazing. It would have been a great experience, without the terrifying panic and horror which I felt pretty much all the time inside me. I was watching some reality tv show, which in my normal state of mind I would have considered as complete rubbish. However under the influence I honestly thought several times that it was the greatest art ever made. I kept wondering what kind of group of geniuses could have ever created such an amazing show like this. It was all very intense, thinking it afterwards it might seem a little humorous but at the moment it was all dead serious to me. I felt like being a part of the show and the fact that I couldn't hear anything since I was listening to my music, which I actually wasn't able to listen at all, left me to make up much of the show inside my head myself.

As I read the subtitles, with varying success, every word seemed to contain a grandiose revelation which I could wonder about for hours. The subtitles and the show together, in my mind, became from another world. This I reckon as the most pleasant and amazing part of my trip. I possibly don't have the words to explain it. I'll do my best and say that everything on the TV show was an amazing, beautiful high form of art. No matter if it was a naive reality tv show, for about an hour in our time I was able to see behind it. I perfectly understood (or thought I did) what the makers of the show had in mind and what they were trying to express. I saw behind the curtain of reality and looked into an amazing state behind it. For me everything was a metaphysical flowing world of art, ideas and metaphors of amazement beyond comprehension.

I try to make the rest a little shorter, although if I would ever try to explain this experience, even in a short form, I could write a book. One other particular thing I remember. Before falling into the amazing world of TV I had very intense experience. I was sitting normally and trying to keep myself together when I breathed through my mouth. There wouldn't have been absolutely anything odd in that normally, however in the shroomstate, it was vivid. As I opened my mouth and breathed I very intensively felt that my entire head fell off and a massive wind went through every cell in my body. It was as if I breathed for the first time in my life. I will not start to explain this experience in closer detail either, since it would make this at least twice longer. Another odd experience which I will shortly mention was when I felt amazingly cold and was absolutely certain that I had left the door open and that a massive gust of wind came in. The door was of course closed in our reality.

For another moment a sudden thought came to me: What I was doing was illegal. This sounded the most craziest thing I had ever heard. Ideas of what is legal or not were beyond my comprehension. They seemed so insignificant. In my state nothing was legal or illegal, everything was smooth. Everything was an idea, which knew no boundaries or what couldn't be put under labels. All the time in this state I saw a gentle white cloud in my mind. Clouds have no clear boundaries, they just are.

At many points of the trip I found myself in amazement just staring. There was something that I was thinking, probably another amazing metaphor from TV, but then I forgot it and I just was. I was in rather voidful state where there was no thought, only existence. This happened to me several times and each time I was surprised when I 'awoke'. For those short moments I even forgot my fear, since there where I was no emotions existed. I had an intuitive thought related to this feeling which I wrote down on a paper: 'In the blink of an eye, I 'am'.

Around 7 pm I became again very a frightened. The effects seemed to be getting only stronger, although I thought I should start to come down by now. Then I saw a fast mental flash of a snow topped mountain. This I took as a message signalling that I was beginning to ascent back to the reality. I was delighted although I wished all the time it would happen fast. Coming down was an interesting experience too. It didn't happen smoothly at all, actually it was very gradual. I felt as if my mind was climbing down, one huge step at a time from somewhere beyond. This stunning experience happened to me at least three times.

Around 8 pm all effects had mostly wore off. I still had few staring experiences. I went for a walk and I was all smile for a couple of hours. It had never felt so rewarding to breathe through my mouth without having a fear that my head would fall off. I felt like I was sane again. During the trip I had a few amazing moments, but overall it was rather unpleasant. After the trip I was afraid to think how fragile human mind is. Only a few grams took me so far from reality. I felt a little afraid for a couple of days after the experience. Thinking it back now after a few months the fear has turned more into a respect. I will probably do mushrooms again, however most definitely with a friend and maybe with a little bit smaller dosage.

Thanks for listening!

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 68490
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 19, 2022	Views: 667
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Personal Preparation (45), Post Trip Problems (8), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), General (1)