DOSE:

50 - 70 mg

sublingual

MDMA

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

Let me start off with a brief history of my rolls.

I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took my first pill, an orange buddha, when I was at EDC '08. My friends and I confirmed that it was a clean pill. I had a great roll, very clean and very fun, but afterwards became very sick for 2 days and would have gone to the hospital if I didn't have the drug in my system. I was vomiting every 15-20 minutes for the first day and nauseated consistently. I was having panic attacks consistently throughout the day. I also had the shits for about 2 days straight, and nothing would stop it but an immodium. After taking immodium, very gradually I got better. It took a good 2-3 days before I fully recovered from the sickness. I suffered from a bad downswing the week after the sickness, sinking into an unusually low depression for me.

The same thing happened my second roll at Nocturnal, except I took a blue middle finger. It was crumbly with white spots, but I didn't understand at the time how this differed from a normal pill. I came up like normal, but I also noticed I felt jittery, like coke or lots of caffeine felt. Still I was enjoying my roll, being unusually talkative, etc. About 2-3 hours after this come up, I suddenly started feeling that familiar nausea, and it was getting stronger. My boyfriend and I floored it outside so I could have some air. After some air the nausea got a little better, but paranoia started to set in. I noticed that I was probably having a bad trip, and tried to relax. Nothing helped, and hypomania began to swell up.

It becomes fuzzy here. I remember my sense of time and balance were very out of whack. Eventually I started to have the urge to go to the bathroom every 30 mins or so. I became paranoid that I was dehydrated so I started drinking large amounts of water, which made the nausea worse. Eventually I started hallucinating, but I don't remember exact details. I remember seeing patterns I thought were strange, and hearing voices of people I knew that did not live in LA at that time. I could barely walk, and had to have someone escort me at all times to avoid outright panic. My teeth were clenching uncontrollably and constantly, I had no control, and it didn't stop until we left the party.

After the party I threw up a large amount of water in the parking lot. On the drive back the hallucinations and nausea intensified greatly. I heard music that clearly wasn't there, and the sky was shifting shapes very quickly. I noticed myself slipping. It was hard to concentrate, and I drifted in and out of consciousness. My sense of time was completely distorted. I had no idea where I was or what time it was, or what I was doing. I didn’t really respond to friends talking to me. Eventually we got back to our dorm, around 6 o clock I was told. I was given an Immodium and immediately put in a bath to try to even out blood pressure and temperature. I was laid down on the couch and continued to go in and out of consciousness, sense of time distorted and hearing whole conversations of imaginary people, until about 12 pm. Gradually I came out of my stupor and was able to sit up and talk. My paranoia went away within 8 o clock - 12. I didn't end up vomiting any more, but the nausea continued until the next day, and I didn't really eat anything. In all, the recovery day I noticed that I was very jittery and on edge. I tried to rest as best I could but generally couldn't. I sunk into only a slight depression afterwards. I was just glad to be functioning after all that.

My Sick-Free Roll: The Experience

Prior to TAO '09, I was very anxious about having another bad roll, when someone mentioned they got ahold of pure MDMA powder. Determined to beat the sickness, I decided to sublingually administer the threshold amount at TAO. I didn't care if I rolled or not - I just wanted to see if this made me sick. If it did, I would have to quit ecstasy for good.

Took 50-70 mg of MDMA in a mollie, sublingual administration. A subtle bitter taste let me know that the powder was pure. It wasn't unpleasant at all to keep in my mouth. Only thing that bothered me was the collection of saliva would add up as the hour went on. I didn't swallow any of the saliva that the MDMA is in. What I did is tilt my head forward, then swallow so I didn't get any of the saliva that was dissolving. I started to feel the effects, as well as a pool of spit forming in my mouth, but gave the powder a chance to dissolve all the way. I didn't try to talk so that I wouldn't spill the saliva. Swallowed the rest of the solution after about an hour and 15 minutes or so of subbing.

Completely clean roll buildup. Started tingling in my mouth and went back to my face, head, neck, then down to my body, which felt really cool. I didn't feel tweaky at all. Started feeling the effects about 50 mins in, but kept the solution in my mouth for longer before swallowing. Full effects hit about 30 mins after the swallow. No nausea at any point in this process. I had the tiniest bit of what felt like a small stomach ache during digestion but it was barely noticeable, and soon went away after the full effects hit.
I would alternate between wanting to dance and wanting to floor it. Flooring and massages felt great. I was able to ignore feeling floory and start dancing at any point, though. For the most part I just felt a great body high, a fair amount of eye wiggles that didn't bother me, visuals were fairly stimulating but not nearly as much as in, say, the orange buddha at EDC. Wasn't tweaking at all, and I could easily keep away any bad thoughts that crept into my mind.

What was great about the whole roll it was I didn't feel any heart palpitations, and I could still feel slight body aches so I knew when to rest. I also had a good gauge of my thirst at all times, whereas on the orange buddha a lot of that felt dulled and hence I wound up neglecting my bodily state. I wasn't unusually talkative, as with the Noc roll, but instead was just a tad more gregarious and friendly. I felt enhanced, instead of word vomit coming out of me.

I kept well ventilated throughout, so I didn't have any problems with feeling overheated. In fact there was a point in which I got really cold after the roll started coming down. Afterwards I also felt unusually cold again, but I dealt with it just fine, it didn't feel like hypothermia.

I did notice, however, bursts of agitation, especially when the crowd would move in. I'm pretty sure this was something psychological and unique to my mental state and experience only. I also tend to get bursts of agitation when I'm manic so it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling to me. These bursts were quick to leave once the crowd subsided or I could escape to get some air. Within seconds my roll was back and I felt great again. If I had to pee, I would stop and go, I didn't wait.

The end of the roll literally happened in a split second. As the roll was coming down I noticed increased eye wiggles, and slight little spurts of nausea, but the body high was gradually declining, no jitters. At first I was worried I might be getting sick but I kept calm and stayed floored just in case. The nausea went away - there were probably only two instances of it, only lasting a few seconds each. I remember getting a particularly intense bout of eye wiggles, closed my eyes for a split second, and then snapping them open. The eye wiggles stopped completely. I looked around and saw that visual stimulation returned to normal. I had a very, very slight headache. I checked my body and noticed the high was gone, and touch returned to normal. I realized I was sober, and it happened within that split second. I didn't have any excessive sweat, but I did feel slightly cold. Soon afterwards I had the urge to pee and got the rest of the water out of me.

About 1 or 2 hours - after meeting up with our ride and leaving the party - I drifted off into a light, but refreshing, sleep. As soon as we got to our place I laid down and went to bed with no problems. Nothing - no nausea, pain, vomiting, hallucinations, paranoia, tremors, hypomania, hypothermia, nothing. I slept until 2 the next morning and felt just fine the next day. Often bipolar people report feeling 'better than the night before' the day after, but I just felt as if I returned to normal. I think I only felt 100% better because I had such a great night and such a clean roll without having to be sick for the next 2 days straight.

I did feel a sink into depression after this but it wasn't nearly anything on scale of EDC, and I dealt with it as normal with no problems. Thus completes my first sick-free roll!

I always take Vit C, before and after the party when I get my appetite back. I don't doubt this probably saved my life the two times I got sick. I do NOT take 5HTP. I don't listen to my friends when they tell me it makes the roll better, because for me, it won't. It's also horrible on sensitive stomachs.

There is very little testimony to support bipolar people/people with sensitive stomachs having problems with getting intensely sick after swallowing a pill and MDMA sensitivity. This worked for me.

I can finally start rolling again, without the fear of a bad trip and horrible sickness awaiting me afterwards.

Exp Year: 2008-2009	ExpID: 76276
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 15, 2022	Views: 2,318
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