DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
	repeated	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine
	1 tablet	oral	2C-P

BODY WEIGHT:

178 lb

A Mad Fucking Trip.

So here it is in all its mad fucking glory. Can’t say it’s all in chronological order but it’s as good as I can remember it. This is the edited version, as I feel I learnt some truths that only I should know.

I was at a party and a friend offered me a pill which they said would make me ‘talk a bit more and open out’. I took it and rejoined the party which was in a barn in a rural location. I didn’t think it was a psychedelic. I took trips regularly in my teens but then stopped (I’m now in my late 30’s).

After a lot of smoking dope and drinking I’d completely forgotten I’d taken anything at all. Then shit started to get very weird ...

START

I was aware of the wind, and it was showing me how people came together – like leaves blowing on a breeze which are blown this way and that before being brought together. Drifting and knowing each other yet not having met but still having a connection. Seeing how a relationship of any sort could form like this and the amazing nature of it.

Then at some point people around me transformed. It was like they came out of the wind. These were beings which it felt like they had been there all the time and had only just made themselves known to me. They were of Nature and the same thing as it, like they were essences of everything elemental and raw in nature. They were not threatening or loving, they were just what they were. And that the reason they showed themselves to me was they felt I was ready. I didn’t know what for, but it was as though this was some sort of initiation, that I was moving on to another place.
It was like another world that is out there that I have not been aware of. Am possibly being invited into it. I am being shown it to see if I can accept it. The offer of being allowed to go back, wake up and pretend it was all a dream is offered – I’m asked why would I want that by the warlock.

The most amazing thing was that I could see the future – I knew how things were going to pan out about 30 secs in advance, yet still being able to exert control at times to change this. It was bizarre, and lasted all the time until the point I ‘moved on’ into the void.

The Elemental Beings:

These took the form of four people who were at the party They were not them all the time, just a lot of the time. Sometimes they would be themselves, and I would try to reach out to them to get them to keep me in the ‘real’ world, and then they would revert back to being ‘elementals’.

EARTH GODDESS

Earth Goddess. Symbolised mother earth. This being who was asking me who I was and where I came from. Seemed to be leading me to an understanding that I know nothing really about this world and so shouldn’t be so sure about any knowledge, since my understanding was so limited. Also was coaxing out of me that I was hers and belonged to the earth, and that I must be part of it and with it and defend it always, and that to be part of it I had to let go of this world and my ties to it, and that to let go I had to first remove what seemed like ‘a block’ in my mind. This ‘block’ is the thing that stops you from doing something because you are scared of doing it. It could be something as simple as kissing a girl that you like, or being scared to be naked, or not asking for something you want because you are embarrassed, etc.

This came across very powerfully in my ‘doubts’ or ‘reasons not to act’ – ie that these were the blocks I had to overcome. It was like they were telling me to trust my instincts and to let them guide me, and not to let my doubts or insecurities stop me from acting or doing things. It was like this was a psychological barrier that I had to overcome to move on to the next level of awareness and understanding. So for this reason I started to do things which I felt I would normally shy away from doing as I thought I was being tested and had to overcome them.

WARLOCK

Warlock. Felt that the Warlock was the prime reason for me being here. That he was a warlock and had come with the ‘witch’ in order to initiate this ‘transition’, and that together they had created the necessary magic. Felt that my life had been inescapably building up to this moment, as though it was a training ground, and the whole party thing was a ruse to get me here to initiate me into something which I wasn’t sure what it was. He was talking arcanely and couldn’t make out what saying (typical!), though a lot of the time it was things like: What is life? Its all meaningless, think about it. Stop trying to be rational and learn the real ways.

At one point when I asked to be ‘returned’ he said ‘we could arrange it so you wake up in the morning and think this all a dream – is that what you want? What good would that do you? Why would you want that?

It was at this point that I started to doubt that I had ever existed. I felt that I had always been in this ‘other world’, and was getting the idea that I had trapped myself and created this alternate existence for a reason I didn’t know, and that it was important I moved on. Yet at the same time I keep feeling this ‘block’ that stopped me moving on, and at some times I got really far and then panicked and came back – and this was the ‘block’ – the thing in my own mind which seemed to be stopping me doing what I wanted, and what I needed to overcome. The beings were constantly trying to tell me how to overcome it.

THE WITCH

Witch. I couldn’t understand what was happening – this was before the rest of the ‘elementals turned up’ and I was still relatively in the ‘real’ world but feeling something very strange happening. We were all outside and only one person was absent. I kept asking people if they could ‘feel it’ – I didn’t understand what was happening to me and it felt like magic was in the air and our lives had been tangled up in it and it was leading us and guiding us, it was a really tangible feeling. I was asking people, if they knew what was happening to us all, then it became really clear all of a sudden that it was the person missing and that she was weaving some sort of spell that had us all in it. It was really clear that she was a witch and had been ‘weaving’ all night. But it was not malicious weaving, it was simply fun and games – amusement for a higher power.

CLOVEN HOOFED THING

Midsummer Night Dream Cloven Hoofed Thing . This was the two legged creature with cloven hooves. He didn’t say a lot but was the creature which seemed the most mischievous and challenging! It was through him that I started to think maybe this was a bad thing, and I was going to hell, but no threat ever materialized. At one point he lighted a spliff and it was like he was challenging me to overcome my ‘block’ and just take it. It felt important to me that I do this, that if I didn’t I would remain trapped in this ‘in between’ state. I tried to take it and the being told me not too, and then smiled like it was saying ‘is that how easy it is to stop you from moving on? ‘ Like it was telling me I needed to be stronger and just take it. When I did take it the Earth Goddess figure questioned me about it, and it was like she was asking me why I did it and was trying to get me to understand something important, but I couldn’t figure it out – it like she was suddenly trying to show me how some parts of myself are things I should overcome, but not by giving in to them, but by dissolving the need in the first place, and that I had done the wrong thing in taking it.

I remember feeling deeply chastised. His face really took on a dark and powerful form, though it was never evil, just a bit mischievous. Like it was amusing to him, but at the end of the day I didn’t matter that much to him whether I made progress or not, or whether I remained trapped or not.

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Overall it looked like I was trapped in this world and going round in circles until I came to an understanding at which point I would be ‘released’ and would become as them – an initiate and possessing a deeper level of understanding. However I was too scared to ‘let go’ as I didn’t know what would happen to me – where would I go? Could I trust these beings? Were they trying to trick me? Would I die? Did I even exist? Then I started to want to go back to the world I knew (ie ‘reality’) as I was tired of constantly going round in circles so I asked the beings and they wouldn’t let me go back. This is when I started to panic as they wouldn’t answer me and kept asking me where am I etc which all seemed to be questions aimed at making me understand that there is no reality and that its all in my head and just an illusion. This increasingly started to freak me out and I kept seeking them out and asking them to release me and take me back.

I don’t know what happened next – it felt like my brain was crashing like a PC and I wasn’t sure whether I should let it happen or whether letting it happen was what would allow me to move to the next level or whether I would actually die. It was like an intense feeling of bursting through something. I started to let it happen then reined it back, then let it go then reined it back then.... it just happened:

Understanding that my life was a myth created as I couldn’t deal with the truth. I was a formless spirit thing formed into a body. I was being called to ‘de-form’, yet felt it wasn’t my time. De-form back into this oneness or something – not sure what it would have meant but felt I would no longer exist. I could see the ‘oneness’, and wasn’t sure what it was or what it meant to be part of it, it is impossible to describe. Felt that I was actually dead and struggling to move on. These other beings were trying to help me. I was surrounded by formless stuff – I could hear and feel things but it was different, it was like a place where the essence of everything is, you exist but it’s very different, there are no personalities, and you can’t see anything. I don’t know where I was or what I was doing while this was happening, but suspect I was just crashed out somewhere.

Then I caught my first glimpse of reality. A friend’s voice... remember vaguely hearing it... then it cleared and I remember him saying something like ‘spiked’ or something, and then I realised that I’d taken that 2cp pill earlier, and suddenly it all made fucking sense! I realised I was tripping and on a drug, and understood what was happening to me. It was a fucking good feeling, but the instant I felt that I also became aware of what had happened to me and thought ‘oh shit what have I done?’ thinking that people must think me mental. However I was still flitting back and forth between bizarre realities so didn’t spend long worrying about it. But slowly I became more aware of the barn.

I was still tripping and at this point I was still more within the realm of the elementals than not and occasionally I would hear my friends voice and it would be him and other times it would be the elemental – I kept looking at him to try to visualise him as a person and not as a being. However more and more I started to draw back into reality by noticing things like my mobile phone, remembering other friends, and so on.

The real world started to actually seem real, and it soon became clear that I was just tripping and was coming down from it. Eventually I was just mostly in the real world and lying there feeling these mad rushes going through my body. After about an hour I became aware that I badly needed a piss, so got up and had a slash.

Overall it had probably lasted about 5 hours. I still felt the effects about 5 days later, though only mildy, with small changes in perception. However, it has left me with a deep feeling that I have learnt something very valuable.

END

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 82529
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: Jan 8, 2010	Views: 16,125
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2C-P (305) : Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)