DOSE:			Pharms - Mirtazapine	(daily)
		smoked	JWH-018	(powder / crystals)
		smoked	Products - Spice-Like Smoking Blends

BODY WEIGHT:

250 lb

I have never been a habitual smoker of any kind, and have never tried any illegal drugs except marijuana (a handful of times several years ago). I have sampled various legal drugs in the past casually (salvia, druid's fantasy, other miscellaneous).

However, due to some extreme life events, I started looking into legal drugs for comfort, and to take the edge off things. I started smoking Spice Diamond in a bong about 6 months ago. It quickly progressed to an everyday habit (my own stupid fault). I quickly discovered it would be a lot cheaper to buy the straight JWH-018 and add small sprinkles to the herbs. At this point it was taking at least a full bowl and a half to feel any effects due to my high usage (I also have high body weight), so I was hoping that using JWH would allow me to smoke much less, thus doing less damage to my lungs (and purse). Throughout my usage, I also combined it with alcohol (copious amounts) and Mirtazipine 45mg (which I took daily for a few months). I didn't notice any difference with the combinations (as opposed to the drug alone), but I do think this was very stupid of me to do (I was depressed at the time and just didn't care).

Effects were usually very cannabis like. I felt relaxed, sleepy, extremely interested in even the most mundane things, profound-feeling thoughts, at first I used to get the munchies, and then after about 3 months loss of appetite instead (which has lead to weight loss, fine with me!). Occasionally I would take a little too much and would get strong feelings of anxiety (which I could usually control), as well as pins and needles, and a frightening wave-like sensation of burning throughout my body (more scary than painful). I was happy with the JWH-018 and quickly smoked my way through 2 grams of it (plus 1 gram of JWH-073 which didn't do much for me) over a period of weeks. I didn't use a scale after the first few tries (again extremely stupid of me), and was instead eyeballing amounts of approximately 6mg JWH on top of a bowl of Spice. The 'highs' were starting to become less pleasant though, and more anxiety as well as unpleasant symptoms (nausea, tingling, paranoia) were starting to become the norm. I began to question why I was using it, and decided to cut down to one 'hit' a night (I had been smoking several times a day).

For the first day in a long time, I left the bong untouched until night time with no real noticeable feelings of withdrawal (except complete loss of appetite and slight irritability). That night I loaded up an extra big bowl of Spice and JWH-018 (probably 8-10mg) as I was intending to take only one hit and leave the bowl full for tommorow. Unfortunately, I managed to vapourise almost the entire amount of JWH-018 with my lighter (I meant to only vapourise about half of it), and held the breath anyway as I *really* wanted to get very high (I think I was deliberately being self-destructive). Within a few minutes, the familiar feelings hit me... but hard and fast, and in their wake came a new entirely different kind of experience. I leaned on the sink, feeling as if my head was whirling, as if my whole body was shaking. I couldn't tell if I was actually seeing my body, or just imagining it with my eyes closed. Sensations suddenly stopped making much sense... I couldn't tell what I was seeing, hearing, feeling, anything.

I knew I didn't feel very well, and that I was getting more and more terrified. I kept reminding myself that I'd just smoked, that I'd probably taken too much, and that the feelings should pass after a little while (the initial rush for me is always the strongest). I stayed leaning on the sink, and really felt like maybe I was having a seizure of some sort. It felt as if my body was jerking, and my vision was darkness with bright random sparks. I realised I had no control over my movement, I couldn't let go of the sink or step back (like I wanted to), it was as if I was being electrocuted. My heart was pounding with regret and fear, and I began imagining my husband coming into the bathroom to find his wife frozen and convulsing, in the grips of an obvious overdose (he knew of my habit and never approved). I began picturing life as a vegetable, as a paralysed person in a mental hospital, mentally awake, but disconnected from being able to make any sense of the world or communicate with it. This thought was so horrifying that I began to scream and pray in my mind (I'm not usually a religious person at all).

Eventually (after what felt like forever, but was probably about 10 minutes), my vision and senses began to return, and I found myself able to move, although my body felt like cold lead.. heavy and strange. I was still shaking, and slid myself into the bath I had already prepared to try and relax. Although I could sense my environment again and could move, my thoughts were jumbled and chaotic. I couldn't figure out what I was meant to do and how to do it. I knew I was incredibly confused, but fortunately I still knew that I had just smoked and continued to reassure myself that it would get better. Sensations were understandable, but very very unpleasantly (almost painfully) strange. I would liken it to having vertigo (where the room seems to spin suddenly although you are standing still). Firey burns swept through my body in waves, and without warning I projectile vomited everywhere. I lay shaking in the bath for some time (too exhausted and terrified to move), and wished desperately for the stuff to wear off. I began to pray again (unusual for me), and begged to be released from what felt like horrendous physical and mental torture. I swore I would never touch the stuff again if it would just give me my mind and body back.

I looked at the clock to gain some actual sense of time which I hoped would ground me. For the next hour I continued to watch the clock, pray, beg, and basically suffer some of the worst feelings (mental and physical) I have ever experienced in my life. I eventually recovered enough to clean everything up and get into bed where I fell into an incredibly deep, dark sleep.

The next morning I was basically physically back to normal, but the experience has left me mentally scarred... I feel it has actually changed me profoundly as a person. I have never touched the stuff again, although I do want to stress that my experience was 100% down to my own stupidity and carelessness. I had heard of the risks and I just didn't care. I was so miserable that I thought even dying wouldn't really matter. Well, this stuff can make one *beg* for death. Please, please, please *always* use proper scales, and don't get lax about the amount you smoke... you can always smoke more, but you can't go back in time and smoke less.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 83091
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Oct 13, 2010	Views: 32,467
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Products - Spice-Like Smoking Blends (472) : Depression (15), Overdose (29), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)