DOSE:

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

This report will be mostly about improvements the drug has made on my life, rather than a physical recapitulation. I've rolled 5 times so far, with an average of 3 pills per time, over the course of 3 months.

I will be spacing my rolls with greater regularity in the upcoming months. I have only combined ecstasy with another drug on 2 occasions, with small hits of weed, which somewhat amplified the roll. I have noticed that if I drink before dropping, my coming up period would take longer to reach.

As a result of ecstasy, I've seen massive improvements in my life. I'm far more confident, I've learned better social skills, I'm much more optimistic. Being forced to be happy showed me that I could be, and as a result, I'm actually happy, and without my happiness being dictated by my circumstances, after being near constantly depressed for as long as I can remember.

Also, the drug has provided me with a lucidity that I did not have prior. Like wearing glasses, and finally cleaning all that gunk off your glasses. Things are sharper now. I can't really explain the lucid part that well, it's just a feeling. A serenity, of knowing what I can change and being motivated, and of what I can't change, and being okay with that. Things no longer upset me as much, not because I've grown apathetic, but because I've become more serene.

As I said before, my social skills have improved immensely. I was a very withdrawn (by choice) person, who only sought meaningful connections, and this led to a very a solitary and singular lifestyle. But through the drug, I've been shown what I'm capable of. The drug almost forces me to initiate conversations with random people, and elements of this have carried over into my real life; as a result I now make more of an effort to get up and talk to strangers (not purely for the randomness of it, but I'm just more open to it), something I would've never been open to prior.

I've talked to multiple attractive girls in one night, something that would've never been possible before. And here's the thing. While on the drug, most of my sexual desires fade away, becoming replaced by a desire for a connection, and as a result, pressure gets stripped away, and the conversation doesn't carry hidden motives. And once I start talking to these girls, I realize it's just like talking to anyone else, and I learn to do that in real life.

One thing to note, is that there is a slightly skewed outlook I can take on it, that the connections I make over the course of a night, while intensely pure and genuine in the moment, won't last beyond the evening. Which is mostly true. Though I've exchanged contact information with a lot of people, it's difficult to replicate that connection outside in the real world. This was a bit disheartening at first, but I've grown to accept that they are still positive experiences that I'm glad to have, and that I'm better for.

It's like, in my mind, I have these mental barriers, which in a sense, prevent me from doing things that I normally do when I roll. But while on ecstasy, these walls are torn down, and I'm able to exhibit self-confidence and openness, and know empathy. And when my roll ends, these walls get rebuilt, but not as high as before.

Lastly, I think it's important to stay open-minded prior to dropping. Yes it is a drug, but if one prepares and does the research prior to dropping, it can be a very useful and possibly life altering experience.

Exp Year: 2009-2010	ExpID: 83374
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: May 29, 2020	Views: 725
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MDMA (3) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)