DOSE:		oral	Cacti - T. pachanoi	(tea)
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

One day, a close friend of mine brewed up some tea, he said it would only cost me my mind and I felt it was a small price to pay. The tea was for me and my other friend who wanted to try a psychedelic before he left for the Navy.

When I met up with my friend, we drank the San Pedro in some desert trails. It tasted like beer with a metal taste. A very familiar taste I would say, my friend agreed. We smoked about a gram of high-quality bud as we waited for the tea. I remember I was incredibly stoned when suddenly the high took a different approach.

Everything had absolute meaning. I remember there were two trees that stood side by side, and when I looked at them I started to feel them watching me with their eyes. They were welcoming me, like going to a friend’s house and their family welcomes you to something to eat or to take a seat, that warm feeling that you belonged, you know?

I zoned out easily and began to feel content with a lot of personal issues I always had just by remembering them. I moved from my hometown five years ago and never got over it, but that time I really saw what I had in my life and how lucky I really was.

Emotions hit me so much harder, it used to be just “moods” to me, but now they’re genuine feelings that crawl around the inside and outside of my body , they wrap around the mind in understanding and it’s far more than just a mood. It’s truly…Feeling.

When my friend surprised me with a sack he had after smoking the first, I could literally feel the surprising feeling working from my mind to my emotions and then both working together into my soul, all coming from the bottom of my feet. With every bowl we smoked, the trip traveled deeper into my mind.

I started having a body high when I first noticed the mescaline, my feet felt like as if I were walking on clouds, and my vision seemed cushiony. Like if I looked at a rock, it may look hard and solid but it’d feel gentle to my vision somehow.

I appreciated bud a lot more after that day. I appreciated friendships just as much too, the idea of being able to trust someone is special, and it’s weird how I didn’t think of how lonely my life was before that day.

I struggled all my life to have friends, I never had people who wanted to hang out with me, I always felt everyone didn’t want me around. But that day it’s like I noticed how much people really smiled and shared with me.

I could hear the serenity now. I wasn’t a human being with just a name, or a bunch of misunderstanding piled up inside. Best I could describe it is I was a living soul. I put the old and tired me to bed, hoping he’d finally sleep and dream for what he had been waiting for all this time.

After the first week, my mind was working on its own. I no longer had control over it. I just listened to what it told me it was feeling. The thoughts felt like they were mine but I certainly was not thinking them. In a way, my mind speaks to me now.

But I also started to feel like I was being watched, or my body was being battled out in a tug-of-war between a good conscience and a bad conscience, I was starting to feel crazy. I thought Mr. Mescalito was running around my brain controlling my life.

With that, I started to take a look at my life again and thought I have to take back control of my mind and mold myself into the soul that hosts my body now. I felt like I was in the cold war, everyone’s a spy and I have to choose my allies carefully. Allies or enemies being habits, friends, music, how much TV I watch, what I ate, everything couldn’t be trusted it seemed.

About a month later, I fell harder into the snag, stressed out and broken-hearted as I remembered about my ex-girlfriend. She stopped talking to me and I suspected she just wanted me to chase harder for her entertainment.

My soul could feel the paranoia and suspicion I felt toward her. It was a dark and burning-hot individual that lived in my stomach for two days straight. The understanding turned into confusion, and I started to believe the mescaline betrayed me.

I always found smoking to be perfect in my time of need. But I tried to avoid weed, as after a while it becomes an abuse for me, but I scraped some resin enough for a hit. Upon smoking, it seemed to bring back the familiar serenity I felt on the day of the mescaline trip.

Without effort, I got over my ex-girlfriend ignoring me and my heart turned to stone. The paranoid feeling I was losing my mind disappeared as well, and I regained control of my life. Since then, I just want to care for everyone in my life and I want them to know it.

I used to struggle with depression before the mescaline trip, successfully fighting it with bud, but now I don’t need the bud, and right now I’m feeling proud of that, and proud feels like a sunken ship returning to the surface. Soaking wet with tragedy, but soon to dry and continue sailing. It’s as if my soul wanted to wake up and take control for so long but it didn’t know how. I thank my friends and family who have been there for me. I apologize for not realizing it sooner. I’m happy things are the way they are now.

I hope everyone can experience this because I think there is absolutely no need for any of us to feel so frustrated and alone, there is no need to struggle if we all just have someone to lean on.

I just wanted to tell my story of how mescaline kept me from falling into a deep depression. It feels like I climbed back into my seat behind the wheel, my gears don’t grind, and I don’t bog down on acceleration anymore. It’s all just an easy-going cruise through life now. I have become so much happier now that I recaptured the mescaline's serenity, I lost it once but I won’t be so careless as to lose it again.

Peace.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 83748
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 3, 2021	Views: 594
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Cacti - T. pachanoi (64) : Combinations (3), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)