DOSE:		oral	MDMA
		oral	Tryptophan - 5-HTP

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

E saved my life

When I was young, I kept few friends, but the ones I had were very close and dear to me. At the age of 17, one of these few friends died in a tragic car accident on his way to school. I was very very good at bottling my emotions, and it was almost less that I was able to bottle my crying, it was more of a case that I simply wasn't able to.

I entered a deep depression. Age 18 I graduated high school with honors, moved away from home, got 'drafted' by a large corporation for having a genius level of intelligence. They put me in a call center, and while there, they extracted ideas from me to eliminate call center work gradually. I started drinking heavily, to this point in my life I had never tried an illegal drug.

By age 19, a girl who I talked to a lot online, who was one of my very few friends at this point in my life, suggested I start smoking pot to chill out about my problems. I found a cokehead at the call center I worked at to buy me an ounce of pot. For a year I became I pot head.

Age 20, I detest my job. I’ve already made a couple minor attempts at my life, nothing serious. Something to the effect of 18 advil and chugging a 26 of vodka thinking: at the time I knew it was unlikely to kill me, but I was of the mindset, that if it did – oh well, if it didn’t – there’s always next time. I quit my job with no job to turn to, smoked pot for 2 months living by myself on savings. The savings ran out and I moved home with my parents for a couple years to chill out and do some small jobs.

Age 22, I absolutely loathe living with my parents. There is nothing worse than losing your independence. I find a job in a different city that pays extremely well and has me traveling a lot. I still hate my life, I figure I can maybe save up some money, get ahead, then pay for some of the things I wanted to do.

Nope, but not all is lost. At this point in my life, I’m also 60 pounds overweight, I still hate myself. But something interesting happens. One of my friends takes me to my very first rave party. I take 2 tabs of ecstasy over the course of 8 hours. I experience happiness for the first time in almost 6 or 7 years. The next year is a blur, I go raving about every 2nd weekend. I experiment with cocaine, ketamine, MDMA, mushrooms, etc. etc.

Interesting to note, I developed a newfound charisma on my very first mushroom experience. We went to strippers, and I had all people around me in awe – definitely a glowing experience. I managed a free lap-dance, I had all the males interested in talking to me more than looking at strippers, and we had constant service from girls just looking for a laugh, and not the money.

During this time I dropped 70 pounds, bringing me right into my perfect normal weight. Remember those girls in grade 12 that were so hot that you wish you could have them, but they’d always be dating older guys? I started being that older guy. During my experimentation with ecstasy, I learned to take 5-HTP to prevent damage to my head. I continued using 5-HTP as a supplement. Whenever I’ve started getting the blues, or I just wanted a little extra bump (yes it’s a cocaine reference, because I feel like 5-HTP has the power to “put you out there” like cocaine, except more subtle and less sketchy / hyper / annoying).

To this day, I have nothing against any of those drugs, but I don’t do them anymore. I continue to take multivitamins, omega3 capsule and a 5-HTP when I want that extra bump or some stress relief. But these drugs assisted me in recovering from a 7 year long spell of depression. At one point I blew off work, drove to the mountains with the intention of driving my car off the side of a mountain. I ended up turning back. This was still very early in my ecstasy experimentation, before I discovered 5-HTP. That was my last suicidal thought. I give most credit to E and 5-HTP, but the mushrooms definitely did something funky to me too. I have my life back now and I couldn’t be happier.

Ecstasy is an interesting drug. I don’t recommend it for everyone. I’ve seen helpless addiction cases, people whose brain chemistry was beyond repair and severe depression all caused by this drug. I found the biggest difference in me after taking ecstasy was that I became extremely calm, relaxed and happy. The last few times I had taken it after I was well out of my depression, it really only caused me to not notice pain in my muscles. Additionally I’d feel a little more down than normal for a day or 2 after – and this has been my main reason for completely quitting it. It no longer gives me additional happiness; I have this without assistance from drugs.

Exp Year: 2000-2009	ExpID: 83940
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Oct 5, 2022	Views: 414
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MDMA (3), Tryptophan - 5-HTP (196) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Rave / Dance Event (18)