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A Loss of Self
Ketamine
Citation:   The Cap'n. "A Loss of Self: An Experience with Ketamine (exp8442)". Erowid.org. Jul 19, 2002. erowid.org/exp/8442

 
DOSE:
100 mg IM Ketamine
BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb
Last night I tried K-holing for my first time. I had read many reports about its intensity, and had also tried small doses insufflated, but I was wholly unprepared for the intensity and power of the experience when the substance was injected at a high dose. Previous experiments with insufflated ketamine yielded a drunken sort of wobbliness and a level of visual distortion that was compounded by darkness. Last night I injected the K into the muscle that connected my arm with my pectorals, near my armpit. Within five minutes after the IM injection I could strongly feel the drugs effects. By ten minutes I had fallen into a K-hole.

At the ten minute mark i was incapacited. My body had loss tactile sensation. The bed started turning, rocking, tilting. I felt like i should slide off, yet i wasn't. By fifteen minutes I was dissociating from my body. Time became to lose its meaning. I had entered what someone (I think it was John Lilly) dubbed 'alternity'. When later reflecting on the experience this perion of around half an hour seemed to have passed very quickly, yet while i existed in alternity that half hour felt like an eternity. While I have experience extreme time dilation on other hallucinogens, nothing could compare to this state of linear time non-existence. In this state i traveled to strange dimensions. I floated through this expansive world full of cogs and the kind of machinery in a clock. It occured to me this was some dreamt up version of the 'wheels of time', or a visualized version of fate.

From there I recall a visit to some strange dimension that looked like the Pink Floyd Darkside of the Moon cover. At was at this point in the experience i whispered to my friend the words 'the squares are infinity' or something like that. I remember that colored geometric shapes were flying past me. Both of these hallucinations occurred on a black background. Trying to say those words to my friend was incredibly wierd. It felt like I was ordering a computer to say these words, perhaps this effect was caused by the loss of feeling in my lips and mouth.

Although this part of the experience sounds enjoyable, there was definitely a very scary part that many people tend to overlook. This was my loss of self. I thought about my name and I couldn't make the mental leap to assign this name to myself. It was this scary loss of self that occurred when in alternity that makes me cautious about using K again. It is important to remember while in a K-hole that this is just a drug and that you will return, because at parts of the trip I was unable to keep that in mind.

I also recommend being laying down with the lights off. Put some music on that has no beat and is ambient and pleasant. I had Radiohead's Kid A on, this was a decent choice, yet i would have preferred some more upbeat textures, perhaps Keith Jarrett or some layed back jazz. Also, be sure no one is going to find you and assume that your are in physical danger because you cannot respond to them. You will be completely incapacitated. I haver read reports of incredibly ignorant individuals injecting large amounts of K while in the forest or driving a car. I recommend not trying
this. This isn't acid or ecstacy, its not a social drug. Be careful and have fun, and don't forget yourself in ketaworld.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 8442
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 19, 2002Views: 11,351
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Ketamine (31) : General (1), Alone (16)

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