DOSE:

8 seeds

oral

H.B. Woodrose

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I got the seeds through the post and I was a bit disappointed to find that the packet only contained 8 seeds. I was planning on doing the seeds with a mate, but four each didn't sound too exciting. I hadn't fasted at all, I really couldn't be bothered with doing that and I am happy with that decision because when I was sick it was not as a result of not fasting beforehand.

Anyway when my parents went out at about 2pm, I crushed them, squashed them a bit with a pestle and mortar and chewed them for ages. Nothing happened for a about an hour and a half. The first thing I noticed was these little flashes I saw at the corner of my eye, a bit like camera flashes. Then after a while, almost without me realising, I slipped into the trip and felt intensely happy. It was a high like nothing else I had felt before. It was like I was actually experiencing pure heaven and I could feel it in my body. Even the nausea actually felt good. Then my parents got home, I was a bit worried about this but I was still loving the trip and I felt as I was one with everyone on earth. I don't really remember too much about the first hour and half or so to be honest, but I think I watched a couple of videos and listened to some trippy music. Then dinner was ready...oh shit I thought. I went down stairs, put a tiny bit on my plate took a few mouthfuls and promptly rushed outside. I puked, well, I thought I did, but there seems to be no trace of puke anywhere, so it could have been a dry heave but I was so fucked that it certainly just felt as if I had been sick. I then lay down on the path, feeling that I needed to completely connect myself with the earth and lie with nature. My mum came over and I jumped up onto my feet as soon I saw her but she knew that I had been lying there and she was clearly really worried. I told her that I was on the seeds which she knew I had got through the post earlier and I told her everything was ok, but dear god, I did not mean it.

At this point I was actually experiencing hell and my mum being worried really made it worse. I went upstairs and back onto the computer. I felt intensely embarrassed and I was feeling full on despair. I'm not gonna make joke about this, this is a genuine warning, this despair is like nothing else and there have been cases (albeit very rare ones) where people have gone into cardiac arrest because the feeling can become so strong. For me it developed into a feeling as if all the hopelessness of the entirety of reality was being experienced by me and only me. Death seemed like an easy escape and the urge to commit suicide was extremely hard to suppress. I felt delirious and overcome with complete insanity like that of what you see when you see some poor sod going bananas in a funny farm. At one point I looked down onto my bedroom floor and my imagination completely took over as I saw a hole that was going down into hell. I went in the toilet and sat on it for a good while, wimpering like a dog who's just been kicked in the bollocks. I considered having a shower, thinking it would just 'wash all of these emotions away' but I couldn't bring myself to do anything really.

I went back into my room, and then about five seconds later went to sit back on the bog. I know it sounds absurd but the feeling of pulling my trousers down gave me a brief, slight, inkling of relief, God knows why. After a while I managed to calm myself slightly but I still felt as if I was walking a tightrope above an opening into hell and this state lasted for about two hours or something. My dad came upstairs, he needed to use the PC. He seemed pretty chilled with me taking the seeds and made some joke about the Grateful Dead. It made me feel intensely more happy and more comfortable and I went downstairs and talked to my mum about how it felt. I was a bit more sober by this point and I was able to talk in fairly coherent manner. All the colours seemed really really bright and vibrant which was something I had only just started to appreciate. I was feeling really good again. My parents went to bed and I went back onto the PC, and I stayed up till about 4 am, still tripping a bit even then.

Some other aspects of the experience were also very interesting. The most interesting was I was able to access my dream world and I could suddenly remember dreams that I had from the night before and even a dream in which I seemed to live an entire existence in even with friends there. It seemed like I recognized everything in it perfectly and as I closed my eyes I was able to experience it. It felt as if I had thought about this dream many times before but at the same time I couldn't actually remember ever consciously thinking about it before. It involved a spiralling path, down into the ground, with a house at the bottom, which had someone evil in it, a witch perhaps. I also remembered other dreams, which also seemed part of this world, with the same 'imaginary dream friends'. The fact that I could access these dreams really excited me.

One of the hallucinogenic effects that I kept experiencing was that if I looked at myself in the mirror by my PC out of the corner of my eye, I saw myself as a demon, with a really creepy smile and sharp teeth. He seemed almost like the puppet master, as if he was the 'spirit' of the drug or even a part of me. I kept looking back at him throughout the trip.

The trip was amazing. It felt as if my subliminal consciousness was equally as prevalent as my normal consciousness and as if it was a different being altogether. Most of the hallucinations were a result of my mind not registering stuff properly such as if I looked out of the window and saw a group of flying things, I couldn't tell if they were birds or flies. Or they were from looking at stuff with a significant texture such as my woodchip wallpaper on which I could make out strange beasts and figures, some of them even appearing to move about. On a higher dosage I think I may see more full blown hallucinations but I don’t think I'd like to take a higher dosage. Although I experienced such incredible mental pain for a probably pretty short period of time, I am really glad that I did the trip and whether that makes me a nutter or not I don't know and I also don't really care. The trip really made me realise some home truths and also some things about life, as well as leaving me with some interesting questions. One of the most prevalent feelings was that I realised that I should just try to be myself, and not pretend to be anyone else, and we should all just, yah know, 'do our thang.'

I realised that I shouldn't be bothered by what people think of me taking stuff like these seeds because they simply don't understand. They think I'm doing it to be cool, like a rockstar, but of course they are wrong. My first real interest in entheogens was when I watched a programme about this tribe who ingested some plant or something that made the presenter go absolutely insane and then in another programme I saw this shaman and it just really got to me, really hit a chord. This isn't a recreational drug, this is for people that have an insuppressible fascination of the pure human self. For me, this fascination is the same as the fascination I felt when I spent hours in the British Mueseum.

Would I do it again? Definitely, but I think a smaller dose might be a good idea. Please, please, take care when taking this entheogen though, this is not for the faint hearted. And most of all, don't worry when you take it, cos the fact is, you'll be fine. Just have fun exploring!

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 86315
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 8, 2014	Views: 16,063
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H.B. Woodrose (26) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)