DOSE:	joints/cigs	smoked	Cannabis
	joints/cigs	smoked	PCP

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

One night I helped this next door neighbor move in a washer and dryer. After we are done we are in their living room, and he bends down pulling out a tray from underneath their couch with bags of pot, seeds and joints. He picks out this specific lone joint and hands it to me with a lighter and a grin. He says "This is for helping me. You can have this one all to yourself." I’m thinking they really like me and they make me feel like I belong. The house is full of cigarette smoke haze. His friends are over and girlfriend drinking beer. They just smile at me.

I’m puffing on this joint, kicked back on the couch, and become one with the pillows and finish off what I believe is just weed. My eyes become heavy, and I am very high, no I am super-high like I’ve never been before. Then there is a knock at the door and I’m jumpy as hell trying to not look like I am high. he door opens and it is my brother. There is a cloud of smoke and the room is full people and music. He has a look of horror on his face and commands me to get home. Everyone laughs and when they do it sounds weird. Like slow and fast at the same time. They tell me bye and see me tomorrow. I say something back, but my speech is slurred and they laugh again and so do I. Everything was funny until I get home.

When we get home, my brother goes to bed and my mom is already asleep because it is late around 11:00pm. I feel a rush of panic coming on and I become very paranoid. I lay down in my bed, turn off the light. It is pitch black. I suddenly feel as though my mind has separated from my body. My body feels numb, paralyzed and turned to stone. I see gray smoke coming from my mouth and nose every time I breathe. I see it dancing in front of me.

Words in my mind begin to speed up, slow down and echo. I start believing I am dead. I literally feel as though I am losing my mind. Anxiety is out of control as this panic attack grows and festers, yet I can’t speak out loud it is like my vocal chords are stuck. I want to jump up but I actually think in my head that I can’t move and that I’m dead. 'They are going to find me dead here in the morning, I think. Then what?' I think.

Thoughts of suicide form almost romantically swirling around and it was the very first time I had ever dwelled on it. I wished I would die because I can’t take this feeling anymore. I see flashes of myself putting a gun to my mouth and pulling the trigger. Images like a movie of me doing this over and over again are horrific. Again my thoughts go to 'What will they say at my funeral? Has my breath left my body? Am I breathing? Do I have a pulse?' I think my heart has stopped beating and I am dead, yet I want to die, so this drug effect will go away.

My thoughts are firing rather confusing ramblings and gibberish inside my brain at once and continuing to speed up and slow down. I take my hand which feels like it weighs a hundred pounds and I check my heart and doesn't feel like it is beating. I suddenly feel invincible. I can’t even feel any pain anymore. I pinch myself and feel nothing. This was total euphoria and schizophrenic twice over. This lasted for hours and hours until the sun came up and I fall asleep.

Later that day I ask the next door neighbor what I smoked and he said angel dust and then he asked me what happened. I told him my experience. He thought it was funny. I thought I had gone insane. What happened that night stayed with me for a little while like flashbacks at times. I felt paranoid, but in time it subsided. I never trusted anyone again when it came to smoking weed.

Exp Year: 1984	ExpID: 86320
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 14
Published: Apr 21, 2018	Views: 2,998
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Cannabis (1), PCP (113) : Difficult Experiences (5), Hangover / Days After (46), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)