DOSE:

4.2 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(edible / food)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I ingested three frozen ice-cube molds of high-cacao content chocolate into which I had mixed in powdered Psilocybe cubensis 'Ecuador' mushrooms previously. The amount of mushrooms was approximately 4.2 g.

This was a very different trip from my previous week's (3.4 g of the same, two and a half pieces of chocolate), or others of my past, for that matter. It started very ominously. I was trapped in a depressing state of anguish; I saw a face, my own I think, contorted in a most hideous, twisted, horribly painful mask of existentialist despair. I wept and suffered extremely, I never felt such nihilistic horror. Slowly it passed, and I calmed myself, sometimes by sheer will power. I kept thinking to myself, I must surrender, I must not try to fight it, I have to flow with it. I did and finally my state improved considerably.

I say that this was a very different trip from the usual. Where are the preliminaries, I thought? All the imagery that accompanies the surge of mental state to the mushroom high? It's as if all of a sudden I were in the midst of strange places and people, with none of the mushroom's multicolored waves and pulsing and breathing fields of florid imagery, coming and going. What's going on? I finally saw some of that classic clown-like pink and other-colored 'thing' that I associate with the shrooms as they increase the trip in strength. I reacted to it oddly, I started to open and close my mouth in a frantic, frenetic mimickry of clown-like laughter, but it was too much, I started to vibrate. I had to clasp my head in my hands to stop it! What strange, almost demonic forces are at play, I thought.

Much, much later, it seems, I was getting caught up in very strong imagery and feeling. The sensations were more than I ever remember feeling before. I was very aware of my mental state being very bemushroomed, I was following images and creating them. I thought, this is what it is like to be a creator of things. And indeed, at times I was consciously creating images and they were every bit as mushroomy as anything the fungus had ever showed me. Here now the space of my mind, in front of my senses, had suddenly shifted ninety degrees and was now vertical, and I saw it like a passageway. It was beautiful, as if it beckoned me. Then at other times I had the most sublime feeling of wonder and weepingly beautiful love and pleasure as a field of energy, somewhat like a delicate tapestry, but more diaphanous and more cosmic in its epiphanic gorgeousness than any material or terrestrial fabric could ever be, orders of magnitude more sublime, flowed and floated close to me. It had colors that I cannot describe, and it had things like bumps or extrusions on its surface. It looked like it came from another dimension. I felt such intense and excruciating love and pain at the same time for it. You're so beautiful, I thought. What wonder, what feeling! I had the impression that it was a multimodal sensation of pleasure I was feeling, it involved the feeling of taste, as I smacked my lips and felt unknown and otherwordly tastes, as well as sight and more, a new modal sensation that I cannot describe. We have five modes of perception, but this was something completely different, a clairvoyant or extrasensory kind of receiving of information.

At some time, I felt that my mind was going. Seriously, I sensed that this is what it must be to be insane. And I felt it was good. If this is madness, I'm all for it. What sweet insanity! As I lay deep in my pillow, on my side as is my way of going more deeply into the trance and the visions, there suddenly I saw it! There it was, up in my field of view, as if up in the sky, the most secret vision, the wonder of all wonders, the originator of everything, all mind, all thought and perception. I will not say more about it, as I feel I would betray a sacred trust. This must not be revealed! I simply felt so incredibly grateful that I was granted this most wondrous of all things to see and appreciate! Oh, how can I ever top this, I thought? Thank you, thank you.

Then things ramped up. What followed was the most incredible parade of otherwordly imagery I have ever seen. I was in another world, the world of the 'trumpet' beings. They appeared to be incredibly large, and living high up in the sky. Either that, or they were gigantic and seemed to come from above simply due to the staggering height they displayed. They moved and twisted and projected their shape, and/or appendages, outward and downward, and up again. Why have I called them trumpet people? I guess because every movement, every projection of their shape involved a weird, space-twisting sending forth, and it was accompanied by sounds such as a boom bumm pumm turumm, as if coming from some insane trumpet-like instrument, and they were pondering, and gambolling, sort of like elephants, but no, they were nothing like elephants, this is the only word I can come up with. Oh, God, they were so weird! So fantastically different from anything you could possibly imagine. This parade seemed to go on and on and on. I was dumbfounded. Where was I? These beings seemed to live a completely independent existence from me, and it looked like they were there all the time. I believe they exist even now. We (I) just can't see them. We need the impulse from the mushroom to go there and visit them.

Now here's the thing: At this dosage I got all of this incredibly baroque imagery and it looked like it was transcendental, that is, a collective piece of the mindset of humanity, or even beyond humanity. Totally otherwordly. I must ask myself, if at a higher dosage, if I see them again, will I be more able to feel myself as really being in their domain? Will I be able to maybe establish some sort of communication with them? By the same token, at lower dosages I have felt as if I was exploring my own personal mind, and seeing how it works. So if I go on higher, will I leave my mind behind and not learn new things about myself? I do want to know my mind, and explore its crevices and hidden dimensions. Does this mean that I must have a two-tiered exploration protocol, one involving not so high doses, the other one, the one heading toward the transcendental realm, needing higher ones? What will I see when I take three and a half pieces of chocolate? What at four? I feel I am at the cusp of an important discovery. I don't want to inflate my ego, as that will only make me blind to the truth. I would love to talk things over with others who are in similar exploration mode, but I'm by myself. Right now there's no way that I can be with other like-minded psychonauts, and it isn't the same writing and sharing experiences in a bulletin-board or forum. It must be face to face. But I feel nevertheless it's important to write my experiences in reports such as this. These things must be shared, even if at an electronic distance.

This is not for kicks. You have to have the right mindset, bold, brave, and humble and grateful when you get to see something majestic. I keep it in my heart, as it is the stuff of dreams, and of our most noble and deepest yearnings. We must be spiritual beings if we are to survive and be transformed into universal children.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 86980
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: Feb 3, 2020	Views: 845
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), General (1)