DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
	1 capsl	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I'm a fairly experienced drug user, having done most of the major hallucinogens, opiates, narcotics, pills, etc. and in various combinations. In the last nine months I've done ecstasy six times (including this experience I'm writing about). I've come to believe that ecstasy is a way to treat depression and anxiety, that feeling of insecurity and hate could possibly be cured with use of E. I should mention that I'm no part of any subculture of E, I don't go to raves and I'm not much of a dancer. The best ecstasy experiences I've had by myself, although I love to experience this drug with others as well.

Before I lucked into finding mollys, I had been shut-in for two and half weeks recording music. I've been housesitting for my parents, and figured it would be a perfect time to set up my drums, get a mic and an eight-track recorder and make some music. I had a free recording studio, and I was going to take advantage of it. So that's what I did. I had wanted to find drugs earlier, and it just so happened that my friend was going to buy some DMT from a buddy, who happened to have Mollys. Great, perfect opportunity!

I drove my friend Dave to his buddy's house, who I bought four Mollys from, for $15 each, totalling $60. I was debating about taking them that night or waiting til the next day. Of course I decided to take all four that night. Not having done any real drugs for three months, I was hungry for an experience.

After dropping my friend off, I went home, went back out to get some cigs, and came home to start my night. I opened up the clear gel capsule poured out some of the contents, separated the white powder into two small lines, one for each nostril. I should say right now that I'm not sure if snorting ecstasy is really worth it. I never seem to feel it as intensely as I should. Anyway, I start to feel a little different right away, things look a little brighter, etc. I take two full pills and decide to walk around the neighborhood. This is what I always do with drugs, walk around until the drug starts to work. I start chain-smoking, which feels great. I start to get what I call the 'ecstasy chills.' I always get this right before it starts to hit. I feel pleasant goosebumps all over my body. I also start to feel overheated, and I always forget to bring water. I just want to get home now, because it's starting and I don't want to be mobile.

I get home and the cool air feels amazing. I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and notice that I look hot, like I'm sweating, but also I look 'hot,' as in desirable, a feeling I don't often feel. I take a shower, which is amazing, of course. It's so intense I have to sit on the floor and let the water just have its way with me. I finish the shower, go to my room and lie down until I'm completely dry. It's really hitting me! Time to smoke some weed...

This is the point in all of my E trips when it really reaches a new level of intensity, when I smoke. Immediately I feel on a different plane. It's a full moon. Nature looks beautiful. I start thinking about space. I'm totally content. There is beauty everywhere. If everyone could experience what I'm experiencing, there would be no war. Very common rolling thoughts, I know. It doesn't matter, because it's all true.

I go back in and decide to listen to the music I just finished. I had created five songs in two and half weeks of nonstop work. listening to my music was a surreal experience. It was like listening to my brain unfiltered. Kinda eerie. I thought of some song titles, and decided that I'm gonna send my music to some small experimental record labels.

At this point, while I was listening to my music, I really started to peak. I felt amazing. I felt like there was a halo around my head. I radiated light. Everything radiated. I felt like my head was covered in pleasant fuzz. My body started going numb, a deeper numbness than I had ever felt. It was like my body was dissolving into molecules (ironicall, 'Molly' means 'molecule').

I decided to snort some more of that other pill, and I put the capsule back together, and ate it along with the remaining full pill. In all, four mollys, the most ecstasy I've taken at once. I smoked more weed, and continued to do so throughout the night, until the weed was gone. I started playing my dad's piano, which was one of the most amazing things I've experienced on drugs. The timbre of the notes was incredible. I imagined notes as long red ribbons of music. Music was just pouring out of me, transferred from me to the piano, into the air. I was looking at all these family photos, all the while noticing that I could only play really somber, minor-key music. Every note or chord I played was minor-key or dissonant. I closed my eyes and played.

I decided to mic the piano and see what I could capture. Listening back, there was some interesting stuff, but mostly just screwing around. I kept talking to my cat during the whole experience. She sat on my lap and I was petting her and I was all lovey and sentimental. I kept talking to her like she could understand what I was experiencing.

By this time, my eyes were twitching like I've always heard people describe while on E, and I was grinding my teeth really hard. I'm sure I wasn't drinking enough water throughout. I basically just hung out by myself the whole time and just had an amazing time. At one point I had the sudden urge to write a poem. I've never written a poem in my life, and suddenly there I was, the words just pouring out of me. I even wrote it in a different handwriting. Very weird.

I kept thinking that I was reborn. I felt like a new person. When I noticed it was getting light outside, I lay down on the couch and passed out for two hours, woke back up, was still kinda tripping, passed out again for a few more hours, woke up spent the rest of the day in recovery/still mildly tripping mode. I still sort of felt it even days later.

Aftereffects: I usually feel positive aftereffects in between fits of depression, and this time was no different. I alternate for a while between sadness and elation. Sadness, because ecstasy is so powerful and relatively short-lasting, offering a brief window of happiness and beauty, before letting you back down into reality, which can seem a pretty pitiful existence after feeling so amazing. I feel elated also after reflecting on what I experienced and the what I took from the trip and things I learned about myself.

Sometimes I think about what I could have done to make the drug better, more intense, longer-lasting. I could have stayed up later, I could have done this or that, I could have waited longer to smoke pot, I shouldn't have snorted some of it, but then I realize that it's all about what you take from the experience. Was it worth the money and awkward aftereffects? The answer is an unequivocal yes.

Ecstasy seems to effect me more positively than other drugs. Narcotics and opiates are fun and pleasant, but they are sort of like 'zombie drugs.' Cocaine is pretty much a waste...sure, it can be fun, but it's got the worst aftereffect of any drug (excluding long-term morphine/heroin withdrawal), it brings out the worst in people, and it's waste of time. Hell, it makes me totally crazyinsanepsychotic. Acid/mushrooms/DXM, etc. are all fascinating, but too unpredictable, not for the psychologically fragile.

Bottom line is that ecstasy is great no matter if I do it with people or by myself. It is unfairly demonized as a 'party drug' when in reality it can be a very reflective, profound drug. I plan on doing it about every three months.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 87070
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: Nov 20, 2020	Views: 758
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
MDMA (3) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11), First Times (2), General (1)