DOSE: T+ 0:00	168 mg	oral	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:00	120 mg	transdermal	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(patch)
T+ 0:00	30 mg	transdermal	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(patch)
T+ 0:30	90 mg	transdermal	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(patch)
T+ 1:00	120 mg	transdermal	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(patch)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

At the time I started writing this, I was quite under the influence of Ritalin. The gravity of what I did last night, has literally just hit me. I could have died, as a result of my needs to use, the drug, I Very nearly lost my mind. And that scares me, more than anything. So please as you read through this, take note of all the ha-ha’s and non chalant attitude, as the drugs talking, and this serious note, write here, as the cold sober realization, of the possible consequences, of my actions. I could never have faked those absolute moments of terror, or those paranoid delusions, or those hallucinations, so take this advice, NEVER, EVER MESS WITH RITALIN, IT is a master than will own you! If you’re not careful, I’m still not sure, about what made me take those patches off, and I will possibly never know, but whatever it was saved at least my mind, if not my life. That’s all I have to say, take it or leave it.

Weight: 145 pounds

Gender: Male

Body type: muscular No Fat (I included this because I read somewhere that how much fat you have may affect how drugs react to your and can affect your reaction to certain substances.)

Substance: Ritalin (Concerta/Daytrana) *Daytrana is a transdermal patch that gives a slow release over a period of 8-10 hours.

Dosage: 738 mgs (570mgs of which came from 19; 30mg transdermal patches the other 168mg came from three 56mg orally administered capsules.)

Age at time of experience: 16 (17 in a few days)

Previous experiences: A lot of marijuana, Nutmeg (fresh and canned), and I have attempted to snort and smoke Ritalin (with little to no avail.)

Mind set: I was kinda pissed off, bored, and I had nothing to do, and I wanted to get high because I had recently gotten caught smoking weed by my parents and I hadn’t had anything since then.

Setting: My house all day I had nowhere to go, and I did NOT and I DO NOT RECOMMEND DRIVING IF BY CHANCE YOU DO TAKE THE RISK TO DO THIS! (I AM IN EVERY WAY UNCONDONING AND NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM ENCOURGING the illicit use, and/abuse of ESPECIALY THIS or any pharmaceutical drug you should use your prescriptions only as prescribed by your doctor!) **

Intro:

I have ADHD, and I have taken Concerta for most of my life, and when I wasn’t taking Concerta I was on the Daytrana patch (this is why I took so much this dosage is extremely high! I’m pretty sure I took too much.). This is how I came to be in possession of these psychoactive materials (I stated this to inform people that I did not illicitly obtain this substance’s I abused). I am also not exactly sure of the times so I’m going to estimate to the best of my ability’s. I’m writing this not only to inform people of what this experience, but also, like I stated earlier, this is an extremely high dose, and I am not totally sure I’m going to remember everything in the morning, so I’m going keep this long to help with that issue!

Experience:

So I am going to try to be as accurate as possible with this account, as I just spontaneously decided to write it. The time I am starting this report is 2:24 Am, I will now begin recounting my experience from the beginning.

3:00pm: I see some leftover Daytrana patch’s in my medicine cabinet, I decide I want to use some too see how I feel, because I just got caught smoking weed, and I haven’t been high in awhile, and I wanted to see what kinda’ve high this would give me.

3:05pm: I put four 30mg patches on and orally ingest 3 56mg tablets and start to wait for any effects to take place.

(I will now go in increments of the approximate amount of time I believe passed in between the periods when I excpereniced any effects and/or administered another patch to myself) (Self note, it is now 2:52 am, I’m having difficulty staying on task, though when I return to a task after a distraction *like facebook* I’m instantly able to pick back up from where I started) (Also, I need to add 30mg to my dosage records, I applied another patch)

(+apporx. 30-45 mins. later) I start to feel a little bit more focused, no euphoric feeling yet, I decide to administer 3 more 30mg patched too myself.

(+apporx. 30-45 mins. later ) I start to feel, some euphoria, it’s barely noticeable, but it’d definitely there, I decide to administer 2-4 more patches to myself, I cannot remember exactly, (note to self it is now 3:45 am, if I have no memory when I wake up, then refer to facebook, there should be conversations, with Kelsey, Ceci, and Colby, also, it is getting harder and harder to type, I am constantly making common errors, that are uncharacteristic of me) (mental state note, I’m feeling apprehensive, I am just realizing how much I’ve taken today, I’m not scared, jut feeling cautious) ( I also just realized the reason I am not scared, actually, there are two reasons, 1. I can take the patches off at anytime, 2. The patches are a slow release mechanism. Therefore, I have not, and will not receive, the full 738mgs, at any given time, at first I was going to attribute my feelings of apprehension, to paranoia, however, now I believe my blood sugar is low, I am going to pause, to go take care of it, I am diabetic, and this amount of Ritalin seems to damper my appetite, something to remember, if, I ever decide to repeat this experience.)

I have now again changed my mind about how I am going to document my experiences (the time is 4:14 am, and although I do not feel it it, I’m sure that I am physically, and mentally exhausted. Typing is becoming more and more arduous (mental state note, a few hours ago, I all of a sudden felt the need to connect, which is strange because, some time earlier in the day, I’m not sure when, I remember feeling anti-social)(note to self, went downstairs to check blood sugar, was at 191, so I am led to believe that my current state, of being shaky, not reasoning well, and, general symptoms, that I usually attribute, with having low blood sugar, this worries me some, because, if I cannot differentiate between the two, will I wake up in while I’m asleep if my blood sugar goes low? Hmm, I’m beginning to think that, this might not have been such a great idea. One thing that I noticed when I got up to go check my blood sugar, is that my balance and other motor skills seemed impaired, I was about to write that this was the first time I noticed this. But I suppose, these would easily explain why typing is becoming so difficult, all of a sudden, I just realized that I have to hide everything so that my parents do not find it upon entering my room, I’m also beginning to feel a slight craving for more again, this feeling had disappeared for awhile, though, right now, it is not nearly as strong as it was.)

4:41am Sunday: ha-ha, I almost just sent this entire, document, to my cousin, over facebook! Ahahaha, I think it’s kind of funny, ha-ha, what’s strange to me though, is that what I meant to send to him explaining why, I sending this to him, should be incredibly disturbing! But it’s not! That kinda’ve worries me, but I don’t care ha-ha! Here’s what it said: I’m going to give this too you, in the very unlikely case, that I was a total moron and overdosed, I meant for it to be a document of my experience, but its, not very thorough, ha-ha, I can’t, even spell right now, but I have no one to talk too, I’m feeling lonely, alright, I think I might just be being paranoid, due to the fact that I’m up at this hour, and in combination with the amount of drugs I took, ha-ha, I’m not going to send this to you, because, I’ll be fine ha-ha! I’m starting to feel confident again!

I believe when I look back on this in the morning, I will see this in a different light! We’ll see what, if anything, I can remember, because, to be quite honest I have no clue! We’ll now I’m going to bed, and remove all the patches, on second thought, maybe I should wean myself off of them? I think yes! Because we wouldn’t want for me to have, a hangover! Or anything likes that! hahaha, this however may be, or, maybe? I’m not sure hahaha; anyway, it might be an unavoidable consequence of my stupidity!!! Ha-ha

4:54 am: I’m extremely tired, I can finally feel it! This has been an interesting night, to say the least, I look forward to reviewing these accounts in the morning and seeing as king Julian would so eloquently state it “the depths of my own depravity!” ha-ha, I am thinking as of right now, possibly repeating this experiment, we’ll shall see, when I am in fact sober, and as well rested as I am going to be at that stage of the day! Well this has been fun!

Thank you,
And Good Night!!

5:08am: I still have not yet attempted to achieve sleep I so desperately need! I’m not sure why, but I haven’t moved yet, I keep meaning too , but I just don’t, I know I can type, so I am still perfectly able too! However, I have not yet moved.

5:16Am I have created a e-mail address, for the specific purpose, of posting this online, I just ask one thing, please, if someone reads this e-mail me back, I’m scared

5:29 am: I believe I’m starting to think more clearly now, at least I hope so, But looking back on this, I’m not sure I would attempt this again, perhaps, with maybe, a significantly smaller dose, but what bothers me the most, is the cravings, they were undeniable, hmm well, one thing that I believe that will save me from any possible hangovers, would be in fact the method of which, I used the drug! By spacing out all of the times I put on the patches, I could be just stark raving mad here, but I don’t think so, I believe that, by spacing out, the times at which I administered the patches onto myself, I may have, (possibly without intentionally for (I can't remember doing so, however, I feel like it’s something I would do!)*), freed myself of a nasty hangover or “comedown” we shall see in time, now, I believe I’m going to post this, possibly incomplete (I have yet to decide yet) draft and then finally clean up the evidence, and hopefully catch some sleep!

(This is where I believe, I started having hallucinations, and getting, paranoid delusional)

5:40 am: I would still appreciate, if someone would be so kind to e-mail upon receiving this draft ha-ha, because, my confidence is again starting to waver, as to whether or not, I’m going to be alright

5:52 am: well, now, I just finished spelling and grammar! Ha-ha, I wouldn’t want to have uploaded that as it was, it was awful! Ha-ha well, it’s time for bed!!!!!

5:54 am: this will truly be, my final post, all that I ask is like I asked above, a couple of times, if my memory does not fail me, to please send me an e-mail, upon receiving this letter.

Thanks

Good Night.

6:08Am: something prompted me to remove the patches, and now, although I am still feeling some effects, I’m thinking much more clearly. What I’m seeing as I am looking over though this night, scares me. For awhile there, I truly did not have an identity, the only way to describe it, is well, I literally lost my mind for awhile there, and now I’m starting to shake, and tremble, and I know why, it is because of my, almost instinctual urge, something I did not think about, I only did, and now I will suffer through my “comedown” with peace of mind, taking some small comfort in the fact, that I still have a mind. I do not believe, that I will be attempting anything of this nature ever again, for, I am unsure, of whether or not next time, I will be able to comeback, I’m tired now, and I’m crashing hard, so this time, I believe, I might truly find sleep. My I wake to live another day! So that I may take this experience and store it away, for when I have an urge to use any stimulant again.

6:27 am: my shaking hands have caused me to have to write this piece over! Seeing as how I accidentally, closed out of the window! Perhaps, that this time, I will be able to say what I actually mean, without sounding like a raving lunatic! Well this experience has certainly humbled me, to the fact that once you start down that path, it was a long dark path, it is very difficult, to make it back to the side, upon which, there is light, and happiness, and sanity. Beautiful sanity. Though as I look back on this experience, I can’t help but wonder, was I Truly gone? Was I blessed with a second chance? To fix things? To keep up on the road that me getting caught smoking weed, has put me on? I don’t’ know, if by some divine intervention, I was saved, from the dark raving depravities, that I now know exist inside my mind. But now as a say that, it wasn’t my mind, it wasn’t me! And that brings joy to me, it brings joy to my tired mind and sore body, and now at last, I shall have sleep, beautiful, blissful worriless sleep.

It is currently 6:47 am, the morning, is good, I’m happy to see the sunshine! I made it! Through the night! It’s all over now (:

*originally, as you may read, in my other uploads that I submitted throughout the night, this sentence contained the two simple words “Or condone” I have taken this out, because I am now condoning the illicit use and/or abuse, of this drug Ritalin specifically. This experience, has changed me, it has shown me that, perhaps there is, a higher power that can love and guide us through our darkest night, bring us back, from the depths of insanity. The Current time is 6:56 am

The current time is 7:01 am.

7:36am: Well, I’m feeling clear headed enough to actually read, whatever this is, ha-ha, I’m kind of scared to see what actually was going through my head last night.

7:45 am: I can honestly say, that I am, disturbed, by what was pouring through my head throughout the night! I was powerless, before the drug, that has so helped me throughout nearly every day of my conscious existence, If something, I do not know what it was, be it animal instinct, or divine intervention, had not prompted me to remove those patches, I don’t think I would be thinking clearly right, now, or ever again.

7:51AM : I need to talk to someone about this, as soon as I possibly can, I do not think I’ll be able to sleep, till I can share this with someone! I’m trying to figure it out in my head, I keep rolling It over and over again, trying to make sense of this, my cousin can help me, but I cannot get a hold of him! I Believe I have made it through my darkest night, reading this again makes me wonder, how? How did I have the strength, to turn back from depravity, and madness! WAS IT DIVINE INTERVENTION? WAS I SAVED? Or, was it purely, a mere animal instinct, purely a survival instinct?? I need to know! Because, until I Know where I Gained the strength to fight back into, me, myself , my body my mind! The current time is 8:02, still no sleep.

8:36 am: still I haven’t talked to anybody, about this experience, whatever it was. I can’t help but wonder, however, if that, I really did lose my mind back there, one thing that I hope for, but know it isn’t true, is that it was all one big nightmare, that I can wake up! AND BE FREE OF THIS AFLICTION! That this was all a dream, sent to warn me, of the danger’s, that would befall me, if I were to follow, down this path, that I have followed down! But alas, this is not the case! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!! WHY THE FUCK, AM I TALKING LIKE THIS! No calm down , it’s been a rough night! You need sleep! You need to rest (: just relax and lie down, and close your eyes!

8:53 am: still haven’t talked to anybody, but I think I’m still going to attempt to rest.

9:01 am: this is no longer an experience log time, THIS IS WHAT IS PROBABLY KEEPING ME FROM LOSING MY FUCKING HEAD RIGHT NOW! I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE! BUT IT THINK ONLY STEPHEN WILL UNDERSTAND!

9:27 am: I’m now going too attempt, to walk through last night, step by step, The reason I am doing this now is too try to help myself make sense, of what the hell happened, while I wait, for someone to tell me, that it will be alright.

1. Around 3pm, I decided to take the patches, from the cupboard, and use them, in conjunction with 168Mg tablets, or three of my Concerta tablets.

2. Next, that doesn’t work, so I decide to try more, it’s almost as though, no, it is as if, I have no control, over what I’m doing.

3. The next thing I remember clearly, is, let’s see here, it was watching the movie, prince of Persia, I have no memory of how many patches I had on at this point, I do However, remember having two or three in my waistband, of my Shorts, then I remember, going and putting them on, I still have no memory of how many, I had put on at this point in time.

4. Then, I somewhat remember the watching, the football games, I believe, that this is the point, when I am wearing 18 patches, I just couldn’t stop! IT, I must force myself to say it, not she, IT had complete power over me, I didn’t know it then, but IT, had gotten hold of me, and sunk her claws in! IT’S! IT’S CLAWS, Not her, claws, that would be giving IT the power over me, and I can’t let that happen!

5. I’m pretty sure, that I’ve gone totally crazy! Ha-ha, maybe, maybe not. But then I start to think back, on what made me turn back!! And I cannot help but wonder, if this is my punishment for going down that road! I need someone , to tell me that this is not so! I desperately, need someone to tell me that I’ll be ok!!

6. OK! GODDAMNIT RAY! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! YOU’RE FINE! YOU JUST NEED SOME SLEEP! JUST GET SOME SLEEP! Then, you can tell Stephen everything, and it will all be better.

7. It is now 10:25 am, and I am still waiting for someone to hear me scream!

8. It is now 10:30AM: I think I’ve gotten a grip on myself, what I believe happened, was an extreme paranoid reaction, triggered as a result of WAY TOO MUCH RITALIN. For the moment, I am calm, I still would like to talk over these events with Stephen, I intend to show him this document and get his opinions on this, if he is willing to listen, Now , I may still be being paranoid, but I’m going too now encrypt this document and save it.

9. It is now 10:41 AM and now, it was definitely an extreme paranoid reaction! And I would definitely like to say, thank you again, ha-ha for giving me a reason to hold on to my sanity, and you guys probably all think I’m a fucking Nut job! Well then, I would again like too, apologize, for my behavior this previous night!

Conclusion: at the time I started writing this, I believe, that I was still quite under the influence of Ritalin. The gravity of what I did last night, has literally just hit me. I could have died, as a result of me needs to use, the drug, I Very nearly lost my mind. And that scares me, more than anything. So please as you read through this, take note of all the ha-ha’s and non chalant attitude, as the drugs talking, and this serious note, write here, as the cold sober realization, of the possible consequences, of my actions. I could never have faked those absolute moments of terror, or those paranoid delusions, or those hallucinations, so take this advice, NEVER, EVER MESS WITH RITALIN, IT is a master than will own you! If you’re not careful, I’m still not sure, about what made me take those patches off, and I will possibly never know, but whatever it was saved at least my mind, if not my life. That’s all I have to say, take it or leave it.

(Ha-ha, well, can certainly say that I will NEVER, EVER, again, abuse Ritalin!) And some of the “side effects” I experienced Extreme Paranoid delusions, and hallucinations (as a result of, what I am now sure was a near fatal dose of Ritalin) I experienced increasingly bad Dry mouth, though, it was more on the back of my throat, than in my mouth, and I sweated throughout the whole night, profusely! I did experience, extreme euphoria, I believe that I lost my mind for awhile. I’m sufficiently scared of this drug now, and I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE! I BELIEVE THAT ONCE I STARTED I DID NOT HAVE TO THE POWER TO STOP! RITALIN IS NOT A LITTLE, INSIGNIFICANT, STIMULANT! Well, I hope that this experience does get published, however, I will now erase any names, and replace them with pseudo names, to protect any Identities. This was not fake, I was truly terrified, that I had literally lost my mind, I experienced, true and utter terror, and I hope this experience can caution, anyone who may be seeking pleasure from substances, whatever you choose, don’t make it Ritalin.

**well, this is again changed, too in every way uncondoning the use of Ritalin for anything other than its prescribed use. I guess I’ve learned a valuable lesson here on this morning, and last night.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 88128
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Feb 25, 2013	Views: 15,705
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Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Bad Trips (6), Unknown Context (20)