DOSE: T+ 0:00	30 mg	oral	Pharms - Escitalopram	(daily)
T+ 0:00	1250 mg	oral	Pharms - Divalproex	(daily)
T+ 0:00	1 capsl	oral	MDMA
T+ 4:30	4 mg	oral	Pharms - Clonazepam
T+ 4:30	5 mg	oral	Melatonin
T+ 4:30	10 mg	oral	Pharms - Cyclobenzaprine
T+ 4:30	2 caps	oral	Pharms - Ibuprofen
T+ 18:30	1 capsl	oral	MDMA
T+ 21:15	3 mg	oral	Pharms - Clonazepam
T+ 23:30	1 mg	oral	Pharms - Clonazepam
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Caffeine	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

Ecstasy on SSRIs Like a Happy Smiley Speed

To start off, I'll say I'm a total n00b and this was my first experience with MDMA. Continuing on...

I'd been prescribed to Lexapro (SSRI) for about 2 or 3 months and had just been put on the Depakote (as a mood stabilizer) about a week prior to my experience with the MDMA. The previous week, I'd been taken off of Klonopin, which I'd been taking at 1mg per day... but still had a stash hiding around my house >:]

Of course it was a shitty, boring winter night in the suburbs with nothing to do but drive around and listen to mediocre radio-pop, so my friends (with the codenames 'J' and 'R') and I concocted the plan to at least be on drugs for the experience.

Now, I don't know if it's like this where anyone else in the world lives, but around here it's nearly impossible to get anything but bud and booze, which, admittedly, get boring after a bit. So we were left with two options: 1) OxyContin (or really any other opiate/opioid, because, yes, we ARE that desperate); or 2) ecstasy. If it were up to me, I would've taken the opiates in a heartbeat, but alas, nobody sells that shit! So we found some rolls, payed [probably way too much] for them, and were on our way.

While waiting to pick up the drugs, I took advantage of the supertechnology that I keep in my pocket (known commonly as a smart phone) and used google to look up the effects of MDMA when mixed with both Lexapro and Depekote. From my research, I deduced that Depekote, when mixed with MDMA, has very few, if any, harmful effects, and that Lexapro mixed with MDMA could produce a less intense roll, and in some worse and quite rare cases could produce an effect called Serotonin Syndrome. This evidence failed to sway me in either direction (whether I should go ahead with the X or let it slide and spend my money on something 'worth something').

So I called a friend (codename 'B') who had been prescribed to the same set of medications (Depekote and Lexapro) when he recently rolled. 'B' told me that his experience was apparently less intense than those of the others he'd been rolling with, but fun nonetheless. He described it as 'a really good speed.' ('B' has also had quite a few experiences 'speeding' on Vyvanse and Adderall.)

Now, another piece of vital history: I used to LOVE uppers. I'd abuse Adderall, Vyvanse, Ritalin, Concerta... whatever I could get my hands on just to feel that rush... that god-like sensation. But after being prescribed to Vyvanse for a few months and taking it every day, it started to suck all my emotions from me. I felt like a robot: emotionless. All I could feel was severe anxiety. Anxiety worse than any I'd ever felt before. Anxiety that made me feel so bad I legitimitely wanted to die. So since removing myself from the Vyvanse, I've been hesitant to use any kind of stimulants.

*But anyway, a breakdown of the events of my roll(s):

11:30PM -- R and I each pop one capsule.

12:00AM -- My anxiety dissipates. My mind and body begin to feel waves of calm and mild euphoria. I convince myself this is a placebo effect and that I'm just excited for the drug to actually kick in.

12:30AM -- The euphoria of both mind and body have set in, almost fully. I feel no anxiety. I feel completely comfortable in my own skin. This euphoria I feel is not near comparable in magnitude to the euphoria I've felt with opiates, but it still feels nice. I feel willing and ready to open myself up--something I struggle with when sober due to severe Generalized Anxiety and Social Phobia.

1:00AM -- It has been an hour and a half since R and I dropped. She recently asked a sober friend, J, to drive us around (BECAUSE DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS/ALCOHOL IS DANGEROUS, DON'T DO IT KIDS). R and I compare very few notes about the experience we're sharing (by this I mean we don't talk much about the rolls). I've noticed our sober friend J isn't doing much talking either, so I begin to monopolize the conversation.

1:30AM -- It's been a half hour since I started talking and I realized I've hardly stopped since. I apologize numerous times for taking over the conversation, feeling slightly self-conscious, but my friends reassure me it's okay, and that they enjoy hearing me talk. So I continue to talk.

I start to notice that I've been smiling almost nonstop for an hour. I am super smiley and super happy.

I also begin to notice that I've been fucking around with my tongue and my lips a lot. My throat begins to feel swollen. I used to be prescribed to Vyvanse as well as abuse Adderall, and would have the same mouth tics when using those stimulants. It now hits me that this roll has felt like little more than a very happy and smiley speed.

2:00AM -- We continue to drive around town. R, who's rolling begins to come down (or so I notice. She has said nothing about it, but she's become very quiet and her energy feels sad).

2:30AM -- J and I take R back to her car. She goes home. I stay out with J who's smoked quite a few bowls and we drive around for an hour before I take him home and go home myself.

3:45AM -- I arrive at my house after singing myself all the way home, partially out of happiness, partially out of exhaustion, partially out of feeling like I'm god.

I knew, as I'd known all night long, that I had to prepare for a horrific comedown, so I gathered all the downers I could find in the medicine cabinet (probably not the smartest of ideas, but at this point I figured, 'Fuck it, I don't want to be up all night, I'm going to feel awful tomorrow anyway so I might as well get some sleep').

4:00AM -- I get home, pop 4mg of Klonopin, 5mg of Melatonin, 10mg of Flexeril, and 2 ibuprofen, work on the song I began to write in the car until 5:40, and pass out, freezing cold, on the couch.

~~~~~~~~~~~
When I awoke, it was 3:40PM. I felt exhausted, groggy, hazy... anything but refreshed. Though it felt as though I slept well, I must've slept horribly. Drugs will do that.

I continued with my day and picked up J (who soberly drove us the previous night). I had two rolls left and had been saving one for him, so I gave him one, which he decided not to take on sight. I, on the other hand, swallowed my last capsule at about 6:00PM.

And I know, I know, they all say 'Don't take x too often... don't do it two nights in a row... blah blah blah' but I couldn't be bothered to be convinced any other way.

6:00PM -- I swallow my remaining MDMA capsule and set off to watch my friend's [kickass] band play a show.

7:00PM -- During the previous hour, I noticed hardly any come-up. I felt less tired and groggy, but more comfortable and ready to lay down and pass out (if that makes sense). My two sober friends, J and D, and I arrived at the concert where we lounged for awhile. I sunk into the couch and had no motivation to change position, but when acted upon by outside stimuli, I found myself briefly energized and excited to fight whatever task I was faced with. These feelings seemed to fade quickly and I'd return to my state of feeling 'blah' and 'I don't want to move; I'm too fucking lazy.'

7:30PM -- My friend's band started their set. They kicked ass, by the way. Have you ever had the piss beat out of you in a raging moshpit in a tiny basement with the heat on while you're dehydrated on ecstasy? Yeah. Pretty insane. Now, usually when I go to shows, I feel to anxious and self-conscious to express myself and dance and really truly get into it, but this time I just did. not. give. a. fuck. I got so into it. Even though the distortion on the guitars was way turned up and the bass left my ears ringing and the vocals were shrill and angsty screams, the band sounded better than I'd ever heard them before.

Anyway, enough about the band.

8:00PM -- After the band's set, J, D, and I decided to leave, as they had other plans to attend to. After the mosh, I felt completely drained: dehydrated and overheated. I got a water. It was refreshing.

8:45PM -- I took my friends home, still feeling exhausted and drained, and arrived to my own home. I popped 3mg of Klonopin, 10mg of melatonin, and 10mg of Flexeril.

9:30PM -- Finally, instead of feeling like I was coming down off a busload of Adderall, I felt as though my bodily sensations had evened out. I felt no pain or discomfort--only pleasure, warmth, relaxation, and a melancholy sort of feeling.

11:45PM -- The above mentioned feeling has continued, perhaps even grown a bit. I did take 1mg more of Klonopin at about 11:00PM. I now feel completely comfortable, moderately euphoric, and totally open (I'm talking to my parents now about my huge lesbian crush on Mila Kunis).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over the course of these two nights, time has flown by. Night 1 was much different than Night 2.

-Perhaps I could attribute that to the fact that I had someone to roll with/relate to on Night 1 and was alone on that 'voyage' on Night 2.
-Perhaps I was so drained from Night 1 that nothing could bring me out of my exhaustion and back up to those feelings on Night 2.

Whatever the cause, I won't be spending THAT much money to have a moderate amount of fun ever again. While it was a nice way to spend my evenings, I got completely ripped off--either by my dealer or my SSRIs.

It was a fun time, but I wouldn't go out looking for the stuff while prescribed to an anti-depressant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*MDMA -- (1 tablet on Night 1; 1 tablet on Night 2) brought me up, but was underwhelming. I honestly expected a deeper, more psychedelic experience than I got. Included feelings of mild euphoria.

*Lexapro -- (30mg on Day 1; missed dose on Day 2) SSRI/anti-depressant prescribed to inhibit the reuptake of serotin for sufferers of long-term/chronic depression. Seemed to inhibit many effects of the MDMA.

*Depakote -- (750mg on Day 1; 500mg on Day 2) mood stabilizer prescribed for mood disorder, also to prevent seizures. Did not seem to inhibit effects of MDMA.

*Klonopin -- (4mg on Night 1; 5mg on Night 2) benzodiazapine, once prescribed to ease anxiety with its calming effects. Provided for a smooth come-down.

*Melatonin -- (5mg on Night 1; 10mg on Night 2) naturally released in brain, sold in nonprescription tablet form as a sleep aid. Provided for a smooth comedown into deep sleep.

*Flexeril -- (10mg on Night 1; 10mg on Night 2) muscle relaxer. Provided for a smooth comedown.

*Ibuprofen -- (2 capsules on Night 1) over-the-counter pain reliever. Helped to avoid head/back/body pain related to comedown.

*Nicotine -- (lots of cigs) sad that I don't even really know what they do for me.

*Caffeine -- (about six-20oz. caffeinated beverages) stimulant. Had little/no effect on MDMA experience.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 89532
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: May 29, 2021	Views: 760
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MDMA (3) : Various (28), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3)