DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 cup	oral	Tea
T+ 0:00	4 g	oral	Syrian Rue	(ground / crushed)
T+ 0:20	14 g	oral	Mimosa tenuiflora	(tea)
T+ 4:00		oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

I am experienced. The first time I dropped acid was in the 7th grade, circa 1970. Windowpane. I learned early on that there was much to be learned from psychedelics, and I have used them for my spiritual benefit for years.

Since the 70’s I started using mushrooms, mostly because I didn’t know how to find LSD or Mescaline anymore, and mushroom growing paraphernalia have been fairly easy to obtain. I find myself not needing to trip very often. My last round of successful shroom growing was about 10 years ago, and I recently felt the need of a refresher course. Try as I might though, I couldn’t get a damned decent mushroom to grow. So, I decide to try this ayahuasca stuff. Easy enough to figure a recipe and order the ingredients off the internet.

I ground 14g M. Hostilis in a coffee grounder, simmered in a solution of 1 cup water plus about 40% fresh lemon juice for 20 minutes. Strained through a cheesecloth, repeated twice more with just enough water and a little squeeze of lemon to cover.

I ground 4g S. Rue and soaked in some lemon juice and a little water, just enough to get it wet. I hadn’t had anything to eat, and only a cup of hot tea for breakfast. I took the rue at 12:30, just spooned it up with a little water to chase. It tasted a bit like coffee to me. Not bad. 20 minutes later I was feeling the effects, slightly dizzy, a little wobbly. I drank the [Mimosa hostilis], a little more than a cup. I drank it one gulp at a time. It didn’t taste bad to me, not good, but not as bad as dried, ground mushrooms in water. I went and lay down in bed to wait and see.

The onset was relatively similar to other psychedelics. Seeming to come on rather slow. For a while I thought my dose wasn’t going to be enough, I wanted to go through that door and wander around as I have done many times before. I kept my eyes closed and let the DMT work, at first it seemed as though it was going to be a very pleasurable journey. After about 2 hours I seemed to peak, and my journey took a decided turn from outer space to inner space. I couldn’t seem to let go any more. I started thinking about my problems more and more, chastising myself for that, and for having problems at all. Also around the two hour mark, I felt the first wave of nausea. It hit me fast, and I was lucky to have a bathroom close by. The brew tasted a lot worse this time, and the stench, god.

An hour later, in bed again, still seeming to peak and not having a good time. I decided I was ready for it to be over. That wasn’t going to happen. Try as I might to relax, to get out of myself, I could not. I felt trapped, bouncing around inside my skull like an insane ping-pong ball. The intensity would not abate. I thrashed and moaned. I was seriously fucked up. I puked a couple of more times, and by the fourth hour I decided I had to do something to bring me down. I couldn’t stand it anymore, it was relentless and unforgiving. There were no entities, there were plenty of visuals but I was too preoccupied to appreciate. I wanted it out of me.

Finally I get up and make my way to the kitchen, forcing myself to walk and to concentrate. I decide a beer might help. I get one from the fridge and open it, and go into the bathroom. I think I need to shit, that also might help. I take a sip of beer and I sit on the toilet. Nothing. I take a shower, and then take another sip of beer, and then immediately start heaving again. I think there may be some valium in the medicine cabinet, I try to search through the pill bottles, but I can’t read the fucking labels. I consider calling 911. I consider blowing my brains out.

Finally I decide I to ask my daughter if she has any valium. My daughter is 23, she is the only other person in the house at the time. She has no idea what is going on. I have never been in this kind of shape in front of her before. She doesn’t know where any valiums are.

I tell her I need her help. I take her into the living room and we sit. I tell her about the ayahuasca, I tell her I’m tripping fucking balls, and I need her to stay with me so I don’t go insane, which is silly because I’m obviously already quite insane. For the next three hours she stays with me there on the floor. I babble, I curse, I rant, I cry, I pound my fist on the floor and tell her that her dad is a miserable stupid mother fucker. She holds my hand, stokes my hair, and listens quietly. I ask her if she is mad at me. “Nah.” she says. No word has ever meant more to me.

This goes on, as I say, for at least 3 hours, I sometimes get quiet and just lay there, almost drifting off peacefully, only to come back after who knows how long. My daughter is still there, thank god. I get up and stumble around, bumping into the furniture, making observations, spilling my guts, saying things that I find amusing. Like “I’m scared to death of dying.” I’m hot, I’m cold. Hot, cold hot cold. No way to get comfortable.

Eventually I decide music may help. I take my daughter with me to the computer, to help me figure out how to find a media player, and my playlist. Finally I find it, and I see Hendrix, ahh, apropos. Red House, I crank it up. The relief is instantaneous,I wonder why the hell I didn’t do this sooner. Halfway through the song, I tell my daughter I’ll be OK now, I thank her profusely for saving my life, and she is relieved of duty. I let the amazing riffs of the master take me away, soothe my soul, wrap me in the pure joy and love that is his music. Little Wing. So beautiful, so fucking sad, so sad.

I go get a beer, it tastes so good. For some reason, I’m sorry to see the spice leave me. So long. It’s been real. It’s been fun. But it hasn’t been real fun.

Basically 7 solid hours of intense emotional madness, it came on full force and stayed there. When I started coming down I came down fast. There were only two speeds, fast and stop, with no brakes in between. Sheesh. I hope my daughter learned something.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 90583
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 54
Published: Jan 26, 2017	Views: 4,164
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