DOSE:

20 mg

oral

Ayahuasca

(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

It began last night at 11:10pm. I had prepared a small shrine on the floor of my room. In front of me sat a potted African Lily I had bought earlier that day so as to keep me company. Beside the flower was a rag, an electronic cigarette, and a waste basket for the purge. I had prepared by fasting most of the day (only snacking lightly on bananas and apples). 30 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of light prayer and meditation, during which I spoke to the Vine and asked for it to humble me, I drank the medicine. It tasted vile. Nausea set in immediately, however, the meditation helped keep my anxiety down and I was able to stomach it while I observed the changes in my environment.

Needless to say I did not know what I was getting into. I was a frequent user of LSD and had occasionally dabbled in mushrooms and some research chemicals, but DMT was beyond anything that can be described.

It was now ten minutes in and I felt a very strong buzz. My stomach was screaming so I put on some Shpongle to distract myself. The buzz grew stronger and heavy as I collapsed back onto the wall. Things drifted in and out of focus and my body began to grow weak. The music was beautiful and fascinated me, but at the same time it made me a little nervous, so I decided I would soon turn it off. I couldn’t help but be captivated entirely by the plant in front of me.

Twenty five minutes in, I was listening to the song Shpongleeyes and it began. At the drumbeats in the beginning my stomach let out a wail. My throat burned and my eyes began to water. I grabbed my trash can and violently hacked into it. Not much of the medicine left me, so I foolishly assumed that I was too visually impaired to judge how much I drank in the first place. I recoiled from the trash can and looked at screaming faces coming out of the folds in the plastic trash bag. I shut off the music, and turned back to my spot of meditation.

30 minutes in. The rug I sat on began to take the form of beautiful geometric patterns closely resembling faces, but not faces of anything human. I turned to my plant and was entirely overwhelmed by her beauty. Each flower looked at me with distinctly female forms. The veins of the plant grew firey red and I noticed that She had an sense of authority in this experience. I asked her what needed to be done and touched her leaves. Her energy passed through me and She told me that it was time to meet the Mother.

And then came the purge. The real purge. It was violent, terrifying, and entirely humbling. Despite being in the company of no one, I felt completely humiliated. I sunk into the waste basket and the room spun, and then I felt a complete wave of relief. I picked myself up and grabbed a tissue. Wiping off my face I watched as the tissue crumbled in my hands. I sank into the floor as a million screaming faces crumbled with the tissue. Then I felt a voice (I did not hear it. I just understood it and felt it), it came and said “Do not be afraid. I have to kill you. But it is just a drug. It is just a drug. It is not your time.” and then I began to crumble. Just like the tissue. My skin turned grey and broke down. My lips dried up and my eyes were heavy. I could not breathe and I panicked. I threw up one more time out of this panic, although it was mostly dry heaving. She scolded me and told me that I needed to accept death, because it was nothing to be afraid of. Reluctantly I listened.

And then I died.

There was this indescribable sensation that came with the death. I wanted more of it but She told me that it was just a drug. And that someday this would be mine. But it was not my time yet. I asked her to show me heaven, and She told me that She would. There was a yin yang before She took me to this. For every exhalation I took, my body would wither and die. I would feel old. My teeth would crumble. My eyes would lose their color. Then for every inhalation. There was this sense of complete calm. Entire peace. An overwhelming sense of belonging to a single organism.

Then She took me. Flying through a cosmos with colors symbols and shapes beyond my comprehension, strange grey headed alien figures pulled switches that moved organic pipelines through my body. Scenes from where I was now in life would flash before my eyes. I would feel the presence of the entire universe that was beyond fathoming. It seemed as though She did not want me to move beyond this point, because there was something out there I did not quite reach. Some spiritual presence I may not have been ready to have discovered. Instead She showed me life after death. And She showed me that we are God.

The entire night I was talking to myself out-loud in hurried whispers. It went kind of like this:

“I get it!”
“You always got it.”
“It’s so simple!”
“Yes, it is.”
“And I’m alive now! I just have to be!”
“You are being.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Be good to life. And do not fear death.”
“I’m dying.”
“It’s just a drug.”
“I’m alive.”
“I’m sorry.”

The rest of what went on was too much for words. It was a feeling. Of good and bad. The perfect taoism. From this experience I have learned a lot. Primarily that death should not be feared. And that we are, at the very end, one with nature. Glimpses of cities and factories destroying the beautiful mother made me feel helpless. But She told me that I am God. and You are God. And We will always be God. So We should not be afraid of death. But We need to better embrace life. We need to accept nature. We need to be happy. We need to be free. Our primary purpose is the building of love so that every person contributes to this single breathing entity they call the universe.

I am God. I am the Son of God. And We build a collective spirit. I have been put here by Me to help move Us.
And the same goes for You.

Live and love.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 91155
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Aug 4, 2015	Views: 2,657
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Ayahuasca (8) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2)