DOSE:	4 hits	oral	LSD	(edible / food)
	80-90 mg	smoked	DMT	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

My roommate and I have been experimenting heavily with psychedelics over the past few months of the summer. We are both well versed in a sleuth of traditional hallucinogens and have been so for many years. We had been doing frequent strong doses of LSD since the beginning of the summer. Regarding ourselves to be on a mission to spread the good word of LSD too all those whom would listen, and by listen I mean eat our small sweet tarts. A steady supply of a junior chemist east coast made vials filled with what I would call the purest liquid fueled this fire. As we fell deeper into the realm of different psychedelics and obtaining larger then normal amounts of said chemicals we constantly met more psycho-nauts whom could facilitate this. My roommate had a friend from school who mentioned he had broken into DMT and was part of a close-knit group of people who thrived on the alteration of the mind. An opportunity came about for my roommate to experience one of these gatherings his friend would attend. While there he drank a brew of Pharmahuasca and also smoked pure N,N-DMT from a pipe. As instructed the next day he came home with 4 grams of the DMT, and this is where my recollection begins.

Over the course of the last week I have experimented with DMT on a few different occasions. It was not until last night that I truly experienced what I consider the full capability of DMT. Although it may not have been the farthest reach one could possibly go on such a complex molecule, it was the farthest I had ever been. I started my day late after a much needed nap. I awoke to find my roommate and two associates in my living room. I had been planning on taking LSD since I had gotten home from work, but my nap had run until about 7:45pm. Regardless I got up, walked straight to the refrigerator and consumed 4 sweet tarts that each contained 1 drop of LSD. I made my way back to the couch, covered myself with a blanket and sat with my eyes closed listening to the people converse around me. A little over an hour had passed, my come up had subsided, and I was finally feeling the beginning of my plateau. The two people my roommate had over had left, and he informed me we would be having a friend of a friend come over to obtain some DMT. At this point I was having a great time on the LSD but due to excessive use, 4 hits was nothing overwhelming in the least bit. I would have much more preferred 2 more hits but I had taken the last of the batch. I want to stress the quality of LSD we have had in our possession is quite possibly in the top tier of LSD floating around in the last few years. I’ve seen many veteran users knocked on their asses and exclaim that they had never had something so intense. Although, we had felt the last batch we had procured was milder than the last. Before our new friend arrived, my roommate and I discussed smoking some DMT. We decided to wait until after he had come and left. Once he arrived we instantly all had a connection and talked about our stand points on psychedelics. My anticipation was too great and I decided I wanted to expand my mind just a little more. Our new friend and I, each took a turn taking a trip. I talked about the small children that I had seen behind my eyes whose abnormally long arms reached towards me as if they were children in a circus fun house mirror. I had almost been angered by the fact these children would not let me see their faces. They would turn their heads ever so slightly or go in the side of my immediate vision, so that I could never see what their faces looked like. I laughed about the fractal carnival I had seen and hoped that in about an hour I could try again. My only goal being that I just wanted to see their damn faces! About an hour passed and everyone was about to leave our house except me. I asked for the pipe to be filled with DMT before my roommate left to pick up his girlfriend. I wanted to have double or even triple the dose that I had been doing before. It turns out the bowl was packed with somewhere between 80-90 milligrams of DMT. My roommate turned to leave, and I anxiously asked him to make it a speedy trip there and back. I realized I would be trying a very high dose, by myself with no distractions, which could possibly become a frightening nightmare. I prided myself in being able to take incredibly large and sometimes possibly unsafe dosages of hallucinogens. I mean after one has insufflated 30mg of 2ce, and then re-dosed 10-20 milligrams repeatedly for a few hours, you think you can just about do anything. I was wrong. I’ve heard of the concept ego death. I thought I understood what complete ego loss was, and that I had experienced it before. I’ve read many stories of people supposedly loosing themselves from levels of psychedelics that I have far surpassed. I wonder why my psyche is so strong. I’m confused on why my brain does not freak out, or put me in a state of mental shock when I’ve done some of the things I had done. I’ve seen people completely freak out, and become so frightened they can’t leave the bathtub for hours at a time. Usually I have done way more of the substance then them as well, and yet despite obvious body loads and side effects, my mind is unscathed. Why haven’t I had a panic buffer recently? I can recall only once that I actually became frightened, and thought that I would never be normal again. That was the first time I had ever tried LSD. I had done 10 hits of liquid dropped onto my tongue and left by myself in house for the whole trip. It’s quite a story which I still years later don’t fully comprehend and probably won’t ever begin to understand. I apologize to the reader for my over-explaining but I want you to have the best understanding of how I work, have worked, and will continue to work in regards to psychedelia. This takes us to the minutes before my experience.

I gathered “Kitty”, the weed pipe turned DMT pipe and a bic lighter. I laid down on our most comfortable couch and started the process. All the lights and music in the room had ceased and all that was left was a cliché lava lamp across the living room. I took my eyeglasses off a placed them respectably next to me. I brought the pipe to my lips, lit the lighter, and sucked in. I held my first breath for about 15 seconds blew out and took another. I held the second hit for another 10 seconds and blew out. I scrambled to take the largest hit out of the bunch on my third pull; I closed my eyes and held the smoke. I have no recollection of when I blew out the smoke. I was instantly transported into the circus I had seen one hour ago. But wait… I was moving past these visuals. Quicker and quicker the circus of lights and fractal patterns was becoming more solid. These visuals were compacting, becoming something new. I was no longer in the circus. I was the farthest thing from the circus. There were no children, there were no elves, and there were no bright colors or stunning geometric patterns. There was only me. I realized that everyone was gone. But how do you realize everything is gone when you have no mind to think? No basis of memory, no recollection of language, no primordial instincts, just an empty being. I had nothing in my brain; I had lost everything I had ever known and learned. I had also lost everything that was naturally there which could not be learned. There was nothing. Void of reasoning, void of thoughts, and void of two elements that make life, body and mind. Yet somehow I was able to watch this experience. I would call it something beyond an out of body experience, making it an inner mind experience. Why would I want an out of body experience when I could detach my ego from my brain and completely undo singular creation? (I’ve had out of body experiences before on mushrooms and they were a cakewalk compared to this state I had brought myself to.) By singular creation I mean, one person, a single human being whom was created by something. That something be it god or extraordinary circumstances which brought essential building blocks in the right place at the right time, in the right conditions. I undid all of the architecture that our body and mind was based and created on. I destroyed the blueprint, and went back to when it was only a piece of paper lacking pencil marks or design. I opened my eyes only to realize this wasn’t solely in my mind. There was no distinction between my eyes closed or my eyes opened. I looked down, and I all I saw was these things. What were they? Why were they there? What is anything? What are they called? I had no language. I had no idea what words were. I knew nothing. I stood up quickly and made my way in what I now know is the middle of my living room and realized I was staring at what I now know were my hands. There was nothing there. I was alone in a new world void of everything. My hands were crumbling in what looked like molecules. My physical body was breaking down at a molecular level. I don’t mean this as an analogy; I literally mean that I was standing there, eyes open, watching my body breakdown and come apart. I stood there for what felt like 10 minutes investigating this thing that phenomenon, which made no sense because I understood nothing. I was dead, I was not physically dead, but I lacked anything that could classify me as alive or human. I stood there looking around this ever expansive room, everything looked foreign. Somehow I walked into my kitchen and grabbed the filtered water from the refrigerator. I vaguely remember everything in the fridge was perfectly geometric and lacked any definition of labels or characteristics. Everything just was. I made my way back to the couch and laid there. Slowly over the next hour, language came back to me. I could not talk after about 5 minutes after the trip for I still had not grasped the English language. My mind was racing and kept feeling confused because I would visualize an object and have no idea what it was called or words to describe it. 10 minutes after I came back to this still foreign actual reality, I found the small square in my pocket and frantically tried to recall how to make the small square work. I racked my brain for the thing that the person I lived with had been born with; their name. I remembered! I remember how to make the small square work! I scrolled down to my roommate’s number, and pressed the green button which I now knew meant call. He answered and all I could mutter was oh my god, come home, faster. He said something that I assumed was meant to be comforting but I still wasn’t fully there. I laid back on the couch, put on the Beatles on and tried to remember the essential things about myself. I was mildly in shock, and anticipating the arrival of my roommate so that I could finally explain everything that had just happened. The best term I could muster up when he got home was; molecular destabilization. Imagine molecules vibrating fast enough where they dislodge themselves from their chemical bindings (destabilize), and have the ability to move, melt, and combust. Last night I watched my body destabilize on a molecular level immersed in complete ego death, what did you do?

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 93067
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Jul 23, 2013	Views: 4,566
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LSD (2), DMT (18) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)