DOSE:		smoked	Products - Spice-Like Smoking Blends
	1 tablet	oral	Pharms - Fluoxetine

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Scary Experience #1

This night I smoked a few hits of the spice called “Bonsai”. I was told by my partner who was providing it that it was the strongest spice strand he’d come across so far, so I was curious as to how it compared to marijuana. A few hits off the bong and we decided to go in and watch “Inglorious Bastards.” During the beginning of the movie as I laid in bed, I was barely able to concentrate on the screen and began taking on a different perspective overall. My mind was on a one track course thinking of simple and meaningless thoughts. I began to feel entirely disconnected from reality, in a scary and overwhelming way. I then began to feel uncomfortable. Whatever was occurring on the bright screen in the dark room was really messing with my head. The feeling of discomfort increased but I tried to ignore it and convince myself that I was just really high and that it was all in my head when all of a sudden, vomit filled my mouth.

I was shocked at what had just happened and ran to the bathroom. I spit it out and then it didn’t stop there. The fear and shock as to what has just happened caused me to continue vomiting in massive, harsh heaves. So harsh at times that I pissed myself a little. If it were due to food poisoning, I would have felt sick. I didn’t feel sick however and I was acting quite insane. Instead of just leaning over the toilet and attempting to remain calm, I proceeded to cry and scream after each interval of puking my guts out. It was a horrifying experience. It was as if I had no control over my mind. I thought stupid things that began correlating to feelings of intense confusion and anxiety. It was not as if I were tripping, but as if I were dying, which I did say a few times. At one point I remember just staring at myself in the mirror and saying out loud, “What the fuck in wrong with me!?”. I was very scared. All I wanted to do was go to my partner and calm down but I couldn’t stop puking to do so. I eventually stumbled into the doorway of the bedroom and said things like, “Babe, I’m actually going crazy.” and then puked right there on the spot and ran to the laundry room to spit it in the sink. I also apparently turned on the sink and failed to turn it off because the floor was flooded later on. As I continued to stand in the hallway in front of my partner, I was actually unable to control my behavior and proceeded to blurt out sounds to emphasize the level of distress that I was experiencing. All I did was worry my partner as he began saying things like, “What the fuck is wrong with you?'

I stumbled into the living room and ravaged through my purse for any kind of drug to help. I found my bottle of prozac and laughed menacingly as I grabbed at the cap to open it. Blood pressure meds or a xanax would have worked better but this was all I had at the time. My hands quivered and the feeling of drinking brought no relief to my current situation. It was actually a painful task that had to be done. The thought of what had just happened in the bathroom replayed in my mind over and over for the rest of the night and still to this day.

I sometimes begin to experience anxiety over the thought of that night in which I actually thought I was going insane. It was not just a panic attack, it was something entirely different. My mind exploding out for no particular reason or cause. I didn’t think logically while I was in this state of mind. After I settled down enough to lay in the bed once more, I was unable to stay still as the stillness caused me to get sucked back into this dark reality that is indescribable but extremely unpleasant. I felt my entire body shaking and my heart rate was through the roof. Instead of laying and trying to catch my breath, I rolled back and fourth on the bed and this actually brought me relief. In an instant I fell off the bed and the feeling of hitting the ground somewhat snapped me back into the familiar reality. After this intense episode, however, I experienced a great relief afterwards. This feeling was almost worth the experience, but not quite. I never want to go to this dark world again.

Scary Experience #2
Since I didn’t really learn my lesson with this first time, I tried spice a few more times after that one night and seemed to be fine. However, I did experience some very similar effects to the first experience I had a few times when I got a little too high. When I reach this level it is always very unpleasant and I find myself questioning why I even smoked the shit. The other day in particular, my partner and I decided to smoke a bowl of the spice called, “Barely Legal” that we purchased from a local head shop and watch another episode of the series, “Breaking Bad”. After the smoke session in the bathroom, we moved to the bed and Matt started up the program. Almost instantaneously I felt like there was something wrong. I began getting sucked back into that hellish reality that I lingered in that other time and started panicking because of it. 5 minutes in, I stood up and stated that I needed to go fill my blood pressure meds RIGHT then, and at that we were out the door. I asked my partner to drive and directed him alright. The feeling of my heart racing uncontrollably and the heaviness of my head was extremely awful and I tried to listen to the music on the radio.

This state of mind that I enter into mimics that of schizophrenia or at least I would guess that. I have tripped on 2cp before and that was nothing compared to the fear I experience when I’m high on spice. After I managed to refill the prescription, things were fine from there. But as I sat there feeling overheated in the way- too- air-conditioned waiting room, the blood coursed through my veins and I was able to control my actions better than that other night. Talking to the lady at the desk put me in touch with reality and I had no trouble with that, I didn’t experience the same thing as before and I was thankful for that.

From now on, I’m sticking to weed. :]

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 93176
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Sep 2, 2021	Views: 3,784
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Products - Spice-Like Smoking Blends (472) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)