DOSE:

1 capsl

oral

4-AcO-DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

134 lb

The Ancient Alien Mayan Algebra on my Ceiling and the Struggle to Maintain my Sanity for the Good of Humanity
(My experience on 4-AcO-DMT or Synthesized Psilocin)

*NOT FOR TLDRs*

It’s been quite the year for change, depending on the distance of your perspective the changes are either bad or good. The most rapid change I’ve witnessed firsthand is the sudden up-and-go of a lot of my friends, including me. Although, a handful of my closest college buddies have already or are going to move far away this year. So in my case, this is a year of mixed blessings. However, I’m ecstatic to finally have moved out of my parents house, into a cheap apartment, where I can finally have solace and peace of mind, so as to practice writing and toning my art and meditation skills. So, in celebration of my new first days of the rest of my life, I thought it would be smashing to warm my new space by finally taking another hallucinogen. Prefect, considering I have no longer the need to worry about family members pestering me about tidiness and the open/closed conditions of doors.

In my experience in the realm of the post modern 420 counter culture, it has appeared to me that when I have the opportunity to do hallucinogens, they end up finding me more often, than when I go looking for them. Up to this point, I’ve racked up on my “psychonaut” experience chart to include: the kind old stand-by, Cannabis, the social monkey’s “mingle potion”, Alcohol, the dreaded “pain-brainier”, Salvia Divinorum, and a light dosed trip on the “Mycelium of Mystery”, Magic Mushrooms. Now, I have experienced the hauntingly beautiful and reality-dissolving 4-AcO-DMT.

As I said before, the chance to take this visual chemical fell from the sky, or rather came from a friend; whom to my knowledge, scored this research chemical from the dark recesses of the Deep Web.

So, I set aside a day when my roommate would be around so I could share the chemical with him. As a “wannabe Student of the Universe”, I felt I had to make sure that I was going to experiment in this visual journey safely. As someone who is learning how to transcendentally meditate, I knew I had some mental muscle to use in order to keep myself steady if I encountered any problems like elevated anxiety or whatever, whilst the Psilocin [from the 4-Aco-DMT] is coursing through my brain. I also had Cannabis available for soothing nerves and my roomie was around, but I didn’t have a third person. It is always important to have a third person who is sober, or a sitter, so there is someone around who can calm down “dosers” if they run into trouble while tripping. However, since moving out, I’ve had to start solving my own dilemmas, independently and since my roomie was there, I felt I had the situation under control. Looking back now, I’d say I was being a little reckless.

“GULP”! Down went the capsule, containing the small amount of brown goop. I couldn’t help but let anxiety run through my system as I nervously awaited any effect. The last time I took a powerful hallucinogen, I underestimated my ability to handle it, and ended up curling over in mental terror and painful anxiety on the couch next to my friend, which later also had a bad trip that almost turned violent. Therefore, I tried to calm myself by flexing my mental will over the creep of my anxiety and go finish working on a painting of mine.

Whilst focusing on mixing hues and applying the right components to the picture, I struggled to keep a steady hand from my persistent nervousness, dropping things and shaking. However, I started to suspect my lack of motor skills were an effect of the drug. When I moved around I didn’t think it was normal for nervousness to make my knees wobbly. My suspicions were validated once my roomie began to mention feeling a body high. I ended up stopping work on my painting before I became too stoned and possibly ruin my piece. Although, I did manage to obtain a fancy finish to a section of the picture, which I call an accomplishment.

Anyway, I went to lie down to enjoy the “stoney” high and elevated sense of comfort. I took this soothing moment to sit in the middle of the apartment, facing the window. I sat and embraced the ethereally lit, white, living room, taking in the peaceful sense of accomplishment of finally being somewhere different, feeling clean and new. I enjoyed the feeling of bathing in rebirth.

My roommate was tossing and rustling on the “living-room mattress”, giggling and laughing. I cant remember the context of his euphoria, only him holding his head in a funny “my brains are full of fuck”, gesture. As the body high turned into euphoria and then into fast talking, obscure dialog (probably summarizing existential concepts in a cheeky, yet cynical satire; the likes of which I don’t remember), the visual part of our journey began. We were both lying down to rest and ride the chemical, when (I don’t know who spotted it first) the white barren ceiling’s landscape began to morph. If you’ve ever pushed your fingers through a plastic bag or seen what objects look like when draped in a sheet, you can try to imagine the ceiling teeming with random amorphous shapes, shifting and changing, moving and crawling in and out of the forms of centipede-like spines slithering amongst chaos filled with the forms of creatures and entities, demons and dinosaurs. The plethora of Visual beings then began to appear to me as Meso-American, blocky, decorated deities shifting about over a waving and ever moving ocean-like tapestry of Aztec hieroglyphs, or possibly ancient Mayan Algebra metaphysically etched into and in between the Dark Space.

I felt as though I was witnessing an intradimensional cloud containing the subjects and spirits of all time and space, through an intradimensional Metaspectrum spirit scope. Any shape that I thought of, filled the canvas of the randomly textured, white ceiling. The part of my brain that recognizes shapes was in overdrive, showing me every possible picture or matrix my mind could make out of the bumps and shadows that were emphasized by the sunlight.

There was this one mysterious entity that seemed to always appear in the middle of the ceiling. My eye would catch the shape of an inverted egg or oval form that encapsulated another strange shape that soon morphed into the form of a retro or cliché alien like with a glass space helmet topped with antennas. The sort of “mars invader” shape then transitioned into a cliché devil, you know, the Halloweeny devil. The deity morphed into various different foreboding occult-like forms like horned gods and Baphomets, then into this particularly spooky entity that appeared to stare me down in an attempt to scare me. This being reminded me of the Satan character from the End of Days movie, where the monster is like a menacing, acidified, ghoul face. Anyway, the foreboding ghoul deity looked as if it was moving its facial features in order to affect my mood, almost as if to shoo me away from looking at a glimpse of the “other world”. I then intended to make faces back at it, trying to shift its mood, in a, “nya nya you can't scare me” gesture. I said to my roomie, something along the lines of: “I’m glad I can observe this phenomena rationally without thinking, I’m dealing with demons”.

Aside from the visual carnival on the ceiling, my thoughts were racing along a rollercoaster. My genesis of ideas were spilling out unto a rambly tongue, too overcome with “awe” that it could not “hold all of those feels“!

My inability to translate all that I was experiencing into words was starting to have ill effect on my mood. I began to feel that nervous creep of danger slither behind my mind. I was starting to freak out about trying to hold on to the need to find the words to explain my feelings, but I was far too ”far out there” to remember how to use my mental thesaurus. I turned over, on the bed, into the pillow, hiding my face from the light.

I tried to maintain myself. In the darkness my eyelids could give, I saw these ominous and spooky, stern-looking faces. They all seemed to gang up on me in my head, but this didn’t deter me! My only natural response to any kind of feeling of blame or being singled out is to harden! In my mind’s visual eye, I saw myself, my spirit’s perspective (which was in some way third-person view) transform. Pink, genderless, reptilian looking armor, either grew or appeared on me, from within me. Shielding me and enabling me to withstand and reflect the feeling of blame the mean faces threw at me from within the dark. With this armor, I felt or knew then, that I was wearing my avatar. I guess I had unlocked my spirit identity and now in this “astral body” I was able to soar, breaking through the dark atmosphere of the “in between” world to the other side.

In my mind, I saw my astral body almost strut through into this maybe astral realm’s council chamber that may or may not have had entities in its walls. I felt as though I was in the presence of others, I’m not sure. This area I “felt” myself in was almost a round enclosed area, but its structures were made of light with a red hue. I'm not sure what happened next but then felt myself, my astral body, sitting in a chair made of light or space, or something. I felt my self sort of going through what looked like some sort of hyper space vortex surrounded by trippy psychedelic rainbow, but it wasn’t regular all spectrum colors. This was a red, yellow, orange, brown, and black, 1970’s colored rainbow vortex that was taking me further faster into the beyond.

This elevation of spirit was empowering and I am lacking in memory and words to describe this part of the experience properly. I would think you’d call this part my peak. I remember feeling soooo powerful. I felt like all the crazy shit that tinfoil hat people and shamanism enthusiasts say about diamond elves and other planes were validated. I felt the most sure and ready and armed I had ever been. I felt like I and this new knowledge, put more fear in the hearts of oppressors and usurpers than legions of armies. I think around this part I began to existentialize and rationalize, (while I was as far away as I was) about what was happening, what it means to have this power, what it means to be human if this is what people can become with this chemical technology. It all just started to sink in. It began to assert precedent for tooo many outcomes. I'm not entirely sure what was going on in my thoughts cuz I was starting to think further and deeper, I was meta thinking at a quantum level. I was starting to shutter under the weight of my thoughts and what I was experiencing. I’m not entirely sure what was going on in this “time distorted” part of the trip.

Please note that during the time that all this was happening on the “other side”, me and my roommate are still rolling around and moving about on the living room floor. Although, I felt as though I was existing at two places at once. I’m not certain at all as to how long I was experiencing my peak. I just remember that I was still communicating with my roommie while I had my face down in the pillow. I was still talking, at one point and noticed that all the events were happening, whilst conversing was all occurring, according to a script, like everything was banal and expected, I knew everything that was going to happen. I recall some time earlier in the trip that my roomie mentioned how the “intellectually critical” stand up comedian, Bill Hicksn(whose material I’m not very familiar with) talks about experiencing the “ride”. I think he was trying to explain how all humanity and life is just matter and energy flying through space and time, and our perceptions are simply our imagination of ourselves, or something. This reminded me of your regular household physics’ String Theory, that in the multiverse, there are countless universes popping in and out of existence, like bubbles. All these “big bangs” burst matter, energy, gasses, and light out into the universe, expanding in mass, and once the mass has reached out far enough, the bubble pops! I think. Don’t quote me on this, I’m not a theoretical physicist like Gorden Freeman, so I may not know what I’m talking about.

However, I have sort of always thought of measuring human perception of the universe to that of an ant or microorganism (but those things don’t even have brains). Let's imagine an ant or what have you, walking alongside a mountain, and this ant has been trekking for weeks, compared to its perception. Let’s say at the third week, the ant has finally trekked far enough to pass the mountain. The ant is(in ant years) and older man/ant and to him the journey was akin to a human trekking the world or a desert, but when the ant finally stops to turn and admire the “mountain he outran”, he sees no such landmark in his wake. The mountain has disappeared. This is because the mountain was simply a stone that had been tumbling by, and the ant took so long to pass the stone while it rolled by that he perceived it as a stationary landmark. I don’t know if that makes sense to any readers out there, but in relation to my experience, at least at my peak, I felt my perception of time was deconstructed to see that all time was stationary, in a way. I knew everything that was going to happen because events lay in place like the ridges and holes in a tree trunk or like that of the rivets on a music box machine. I had more or less realized that life was an event rushing through time, carrying along all the beings and energies that linger and inhabit the surface of reality. Everyone is just going along for the ride.

The petty delusions, obsessions, distractions, ideas, and manufactured purpose that we as humans build around ourselves are only there because it is all used to simply kill time. If you, as a human, have the opportunity to understand reality’s anatomy, the task to fathom the truths of this phenomena, you will not be able to stay human for long after you’ve seen that which cannot be unseen.

I could not go further. After my ego rose into my astral form, and then slid into ego death, I had been humbled. I felt, I saw, I understood that everything on this material plane was inconceivably delicate, precarious, and precious. At the time I experienced my ego rise and form my Astral Body, earlier on, I had been pumped up with confidence in such a way that I felt I should weaponize it for rebellion. However, after my ego’s death I was heavy with afterthought. This kind of power is far too advanced and effective that, I knew there was no way that this power could be used properly by a greater amount of people in the world, especially at this time in history. I relinquished my militancy for mindful restraint. I realized it’s all worth saving. The Greater human population is far to primitive, far to confused about themselves and their relation to the world around them that such ability is not permitted to be used by them. My race has not evolved beyond the modern plateau of reason. They cannot use this chemical technology yet and it must remain secret. Although, those individuals in our race who have been training to become “students”, if they are ready, the “teacher” will appear.

After seeing all these epiphanies, and unlocking all this power, I felt that if I were to go further into rationalizing the realms beyond, I feared I would end up like one of those Bath Salt kids who jumps out windows. I had enough for my first time. I began to control my mind and attempt to bring myself back to Earth.

Trying to step back out of the other side back home was not an easy or pleasant task. Trying to reconstruct my perception back to accepting normal human elements in spite of the need to rationalize what had just happened to me was mentally strenuous. Doing this made me feel like I was trying to lie to myself and deny my being by trying to come back. Having to do this, made my anxiety creep back into me, only this time I was still mentally unsound. I felt like I had made myself insane, by trying to balance reason with experience. Every time I started to existentialize about what I experienced and going back over the new neurons I had engendered during the trip, my ego began to shutter again. I was already, for the most part back, but when I meta thought I began to breakdown in anxiety and my trip would begin to turn back on. I began to freak out and cry, and then began to get nauseous from the reality that may not be the real reality!

I ran to the bathroom and hurled. After I came back from the toilet, I ended up anxious and nervous. I tried to get a hold of another person to come over, to act as a sitter or third party, but I couldn’t get anyone. I became panicky and started to irrationally think that the feelings of fear were because of a grand Orwellian Psychic Overbrain. My roomie and the people whom I was able to talk to, kept trying to reassure and calm me by saying, “go watch your cartoons and go eat some potato chips”, or “get back to your routine“, “everything is normal”. I took all these suggestions, at the time, as Orwellian, oppressive “take the blue pill” rhetoric. I felt everyone was trying to get me to stop evolving, to stand back in line.

My trip went scarier when I got a text from my mom (who was at the movies), that read something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m at a right wing Republican convention right now!” (because she was like one of the very few ethnic people in the theater watching a movie about old white people). This made me pop in delusional panic. I thought that because I was evolving my mind, and pushing my limits to learn through psychedelics, that the Orwellian Overbrain was angry. I also felt like all the synchronicity and lining up of events up to this point set the stage for the revolution to start. I thought that my mom was being kidnapped or was in danger because of a Neo Conservative Coup d'Etat that erupted in the world while I was trippin balls at my apartment.

I ran to go throw up again in the bathroom, while my friend was helping me out (he apparently wasn’t tripping as hard I was so he was able to watch over me). After I puked I noticed that the vent was accidentally switched on and I thought it was reality stabilizing, mind numbing, Orwellian Oppression gas. I had my rommie immediately switch off the air while I was on the bathroom floor freaking out. I said out loud, “this can't be real!” when I got a text saying, “compared to this yea” (a response from an earlier text), which I took as the weird malleable deconstructed universe answering me through my phone.

After throwing up again I ended up calling my mom to come home, immediately, leaving her movie. I was worrying that I was going to need to go the hospital or something, but I was then later able to calm myself down by assuring myself that none of this crazy conspiracy stuff is real, despite actively witnessing such event though my altered perception. I was so paranoid that I thought my cell phone, my tube TV, and my computer were “telescreens”, like from 1984, and the Overbrain was listening through the “speak writes“. After my mom got home, my rommie had sobered up by then and decided to leave since I now had an older adult present.

After calming down after my parent arrived, I went to go take a shower. I had been shaking from being mentally and physically rattled, so then began to meditate. My experience in trying to exercise my mind through meditation was a godsend. My ability to keep my mind intact as I walked about different planes in different and extreme mental states was paramount to coming out the other side sane. I had later expressed to my mom that she had no idea how much rationalizing I had to use in order to keep myself from a mental breakdown. I have always tried to revere hallucinogens and put safety and principle into their use and from this experience I will strengthen my safety net further the next time a “teacher” appears to me.

Coming back from this experience I feel humbled and in that sense, therefore I feel confidence. I have yet to understand why my journey to other side played out the way it did. I am happy I have found my spirit avatar and now feel less like things in the universe are chaotic. I now feel more confident about what to expect in reality’s events and in greater context. I have greater appreciation for those entities and ideas that move through existence. I have waaaaay more regard to how delicate everything is, tangible and intangible. I have more patience, but still understand the urgency our race has. Hopefully someday soon, our people can have enough insight to evolve to the next step.

I feel as though 4-Aco-DMT has left an imprint on my DNA and now I have ever so many new and different lenses to view reality now. Since taking this research chemical I can sincerely say, I have begun to tone my sixth sense.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98185
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Sep 1, 2017	Views: 6,721
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4)