Surrendering Before, During, and After
5-MeO-DMT
Citation: Aki. "Surrendering Before, During, and After: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp99262)". Erowid.org. Feb 2, 2017. erowid.org/exp/99262
DOSE: |
17 mg | vaporized | 5-MeO-DMT | (extract) |
BODY WEIGHT: | 199 lb |
Setting: Detailed ceremony with very experienced western Shaman. 5 others to both partake and
hold space for each participant. Elders there to support. Cushions, pillows, Music, Quiet neighborhood. Newbie Q and A meeting 1 month previous. Included detailed description of medicine, its effects and possible results.
Day of: ceremony and ambience created for seriousness of journey.
Medicine: Plant based 5MeO-DMT, administered through vaporizer with specific dose capability. Dosages ran from 12mg to 25mg with some asking for another dose after the first. This is my attempt at helping others go through this amazing process and in the most comfortable and best prepared ways possible.
While everyone’s journey was different in our group, we all were blown away at the sheer power and force this medicine introduced us to. This medicine seemed to take us to incredible incomprehensible places we could not have dreamed of and was unlike any drug experience previously taken, including Aya.
It is best for me to remember that the only and best thing I can do is surrender to the unknown and go into the ceremony treating it lightly, like a fun rollercoaster ride. This allows the medicine to give me the full experience without my Ego’s fears or worries getting in the way, determining what it is I’ll experience, or holding me back from a deeper journey.
Before the journey:
Have fun with familiarizing myself with the surrendering process and having no attachments, ideas, or expectations about what I think it will be like. Everyone’s journey was different from everyone else’s.
Day of:
At the beginning of the ceremony we were given the space to request what it is we wanted from the medicine. I didn't take this lightly, most of my group and many others got exactly what we asked for and to a major degree. We really though about what it is we would request from the medicine, as it was likely it would give it to us and in a full dose, and quite often beyond what we thought possible (a good thing) or what we could fully comprehend then (thus the various lengths of time people need to reintegrate after the ceremony).
The medicine knew exactly where to take me and how much I could handle. It was like no other experience I've had, so I let go of those thoughts and questions of how it would be or how I wanted it to be, and just rode the cosmic wave in surrender mode.
After the Journey – the reintegration process:
Many have been woken up in the middle of the night by the medicine at roughly the same time every night for about roughly a week following the journey.
I had someone (or even better, many from our group, or even a friend that has also been on the journey a few days before or after) to agree to a text support group. That way, if I felt the need to talk, share, or otherwise find a way to get back to sleep, I had multiple possibilities that one of my group may be awake as well and could share in that support. It was soooo immensely beneficial for 4 of us and crucial in our few moments of uncertainty and the resulting needed comforting and reassurance.
The DAY AFTER:
Best to not have to work or have other responsibilities the next day, and if possible give myself 3-6 days with few work/play/community expectations! To be in nature by myself the next day and go somewhere where there are not many people. Driving on roads didn’t feel good to me, so I chose someplace close as the faraway Cascades were out. Discovery Park is a great place. It was so good to be in a place where I could both commune/bond with nature in such deep and personal ways, lay down on the grass and in the forest, and allow myself to be grounded, to cry, laugh, scream, without the ego’s worry of someone seeing or hearing me.
Hint: I did as many physical activities as I felt up for during the next week. Many have said the experiences they had with exercise, yoga, being in nature, sex, playing or listening to music, singing, dancing, eating raw, all seemed to be above and beyond what they had ever previously experienced before.
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My Experience:
My Desire for the medicine:
I asked “To Remember” as in to never forget the experience and thus be able to return to the experience at any time in the future (my theory).
Journey:
In an instant, being transported into what felt and seemed like the “infinite absolute”, all and nothing, no time or space, no reference points, no separation, just single pointed bliss.
1st night:
In and out of sleep, medicine wanting to show me more. Body sensations, shaking, vibrations, body adjustments, stretching, taking me backup into the white light, showing me things, all happening on its own as I surrender more to it.
Next day:
Feeling call to be in nature. Lie down in grass at Discovery Park and try to surrender more… not working so get up to walk and then Strong recognition of Source leading me, end up at thicket where I cry hard and loud, no thoughts or reason around it, I allow it to flow for as long as needed. Source says I’m done and to continue in a direction, I follow advice. I come to trees and have realization of literally everything - macro and micro is infinite. Whether dead, alive, there, not there, thoughts, feelings, emptiness, there are no exceptions all is infinite. The emotion from this is so great, there is no way to stop it if I continue to remain in surrender mode. My ego steps in out of fear of death and stops it. Not 5 seconds later, I see the immense beauty of the perfection of creation. Again have emotions so intense and strong that it feels like I’m going to explode if I don’t get a handle on it, Ego steps in again. I allow myself to come down from those and again ask Source to lead me onward. It takes me to a tree and asks that I step up into it. I wait for a long while until I see a tree limb seemingly squished by a second limb (that’s how they grew together) and find myself asking the usual question of “why or how”. Source provides the shocking answer of “it just is”, there doesn’t have to be a reason behind it or anything else. I can accept all and everything as just the way it is.
Other insights:
(I was blessed to have medicine insights for 6 weeks after
I was blessed to have medicine insights for 6 weeks after
• Experiencing what is Ego and what is not Ego.
• Where the Rational mind fits in.
• Multiple Fears and Desires that are within me.
• My reactivation energy transferring to my partner and having her see/feel unique things.
• Redefining “Love” and “Compassion” into a universal outlook.
• Understanding Why I am here
• Understanding what I am
• Seeing that I have a great fear of responsibility.
• A fear of Surrendering in the way of Loving-in-Totality another human being (no defenses or precautions present).
• A knowing that revising my belief system will take some time.
• Self forgiveness is always needed.
• Sobbing as hard and as long as I can, can produce the adjustments and shifts the medicine wants to initiate.
• Asking the medicine questions works great! what else needs to happen? What to focus on? Is __________ true? What job? Or….. Please slow down the reactivation process so my fears don’t stop the process?! (it listened)
• The enlightened state is a normal state of being. Like rocks/water – not thinking, nothing is necessary, they just are, and they just go with the flow.
• All is always perfect the way it is.
• Infinity (and I as infinite) hold both the light and the dark.
• There is the illusion (seperateness: light vs dark, etc..) and there is Source. Two different perspectives and thus deserving separate conversations as what is true in one is not true in the other. There is nothing in between. Ego experiences in the illusion and that becomes its truth, where Oneness/Source has its own truth based out of theory or incomprehensible experiences.
• Source put Ego and its rational mind, and all levels of consciousness here in the illusion of duality and separateness in order for it to experience its own creation (itself).
• Ego obsession with the illusion brings source the experience it seeks.
• In reintegration there seems to be a wanting of understanding and reconnection of Spirit/Source. Maybe the medicine’s goal is for us to become self-realized.
• Source has all wisdom needed for survival and will naturally take care of me, its creation.
• I am also the creator & have access to all power and force of creation within me and to use or not use it in/on this illusion.
• I can heal my own and others physical aliments thru the use of creation.
• I now know i can trust that surrender can be done slow smooth and easy.
• I now know the ‘feeling’ of what it is to be led by source.
• Everything is done for, and created so, I, the universe, can continue its self realization.
• We are always in control in how far in we go when returning to the light as the ego is there & Consciousness is along for the ride.
• Whatever I ask for from creation I get & often before I ask?!
• The universe chooses to show up / express and witness' itself in all these varied beautiful ways (people and attitudes).
• There is no 'why', there just is.
• Arbitrary constant creation moving in and out of the illusion of time & space continuously.
• There is no matter. Every cell consists of infinity in its micro and macro directions.
• All is happening in a single moment/point in time/space, in all directions and in all manners of form, dimension, and ????
• There is deep emotion in witnessing the truth and beauty that is creation.
• I'm creation experiencing itself. This is my only responsibility. I either choose what I want to do/be, OR I can follow the path of allowing Spirit/Source to move and direct me.
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Remember:
1. Set up text buddies.
2. Surrender before (practice), during, and after the ceremony (and for anything and everything that comes up in reactivations).
3. Have Fun!
Exp Year: 2012 | ExpID: 99262 |
Gender: Male | |
Age at time of experience: 45 | |
Published: Feb 2, 2017 | Views: 1,971 |
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Mystical Experiences (9), Personal Preparation (45), General (1), Group Ceremony (21) |
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