DOSE:

1500 seeds

oral

Morning Glory

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

I want to write about what was possibly the most trying experience and worst night of my life, something which brought me to tears when I talked about it for a few weeks after the experience.

I have experimented with many different psychedelics for a couple years now, including but not limited to, LSD, Magic Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, and many others. I had recently taken a liking to Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, and was on the verge of ordering some off the internet, when I found my favorite retailer out of stock, and all other retailers too overpriced. Frustrated, I ordered 3000 morning glory seeds instead. I have taken morning glories several times, with little effect, but this time I was encouraged to take a higher dose, due to several recent experiences with 15 HB Woodrose seeds, and having overheard from a friend that morning glories were 100x weaker than HB.

When the seeds arrived, I found they were divided evenly into two bags, 1500 seeds each. I decided that night was a good night, and I wanted to do this alone in my room. I opened one bag, and poured the whole thing into a coffee grinder. After grinding the rock-hard seeds into powder, (probably not good for my coffee grinder) I mixed it into a cup of coffee. Getting it down was tough, as the seeds quickly sank to the bottom of the mug, and I found myself having to eat spoonful after spoonful of revolting, soggy powder, an experience that made drinking ayahuasca seem pleasant.

10:00: I head upstairs to use the bathroom, and when I look in the mirror, I noticed my pupils were dilated to the point of being comical. Having only taken the seeds 10 minutes before, I was rather surprised, especially given that I wasn’t expecting much of anything.

10:30: I lie down on my bed, and begin reading a book on medicinal plants and herbs. A few minutes later, I start feeling pangs of nausea, and tell myself to keep it down as long as I can. Soon, reading becomes too difficult to continue. My body begins to tingle somewhat, and as time passes it intensifies. Soon, waves of extreme euphoria wash over me. My body is tingling constantly, and the waves rush over me about every 30 seconds, making my head feel like it’s exploding with energy, and making my ears ring. No amount of words can describe how truly intense this feeling was, but to say the least, it was not what I was expecting when I took the seeds.

10:50: The energy rippling throughout my body is almost too much, and at the same time the visuals begin and increase in intensity as well. My hands and feet begin to hurt, and the nausea is near-unbearable, though I keep telling myself to hold it down (BAD idea). The Van Gogh portrait on my wall shakes its head violently, and then offers me a bottle of absinthe. A box covered in stripes appears to have a bulge coming out of the front, distorting the straightness of the stripes.

11:30: While the visuals are increasing and still pleasant, the physical pain has near doubled. My hands and feet felt as if they were in a woodworker’s vise, with the pressure being slowly increased. Breathing was a chore ; I had to focus on it every second, as I feared that if I didn’t, I would stop breathing. Then the first thought of what was to dominate my trip occurred to me: Maybe I had taken too much, and was I going to survive the night?

12:00-2:30: While the visuals are not threatening or scary, I am in IMMENSE pain. I am convinced I will die. I feel I will not survive the night, and when I look at my hand, I notice it is slightly blue, and on my palm I see my family sobbing at my funeral, and all my friends and everyone who I care for and who cares for me, weeping softly. I cursed myself for being so stupid as to take these seeds, and cursed myself for letting substances rule my life, and wish everything was back to how it was before I discovered what it was like to be high. At this point, the nausea is so intense, my brain no longer recognizes it as nausea, and it becomes yet another layer upon my excruciating agony. I accept that I will die. I know this was my fate. Despite my self-loathing for dying in such a pointless way, and having accomplished nothing in my life, I realize with my death I might at least be an example for my friends. I think of my friend Shandy, who to me is nothing less than a brother, and imagine him breaking down with my loss. I think of other friends, one-by-one, realizing how my stupid decision to get high off morning glory seeds not only cost me my life, but severely hurt those I loved.

3:00: The nausea suddenly registers as nausea, and I stumble to the side yard and heave my guts out on the cement. I stumble back to my room, still feeling as though I am dying, plop myself down on my bed, stare at the pattern-covered ceiling for a moment, before saying to myself: “goodbye world, I will miss you dearly”, and then pass out.

7:00: I wake up, and realize I am not only alive, but have come down considerably. I burst into tears, and begin sobbing, and just the ability to breathe, and the feeling of not being in pain fills me with a combination of joy and remorse. I thank whatever higher power might exist for the gift of life, and realize how truly lucky I am.

Next day: The entire next day I am completely out of it, and while the pain and visuals are mostly gone, I am left with a lot to think about. At one point, I was looking at some flowers, and realized how truly beautiful they were, and then it occurred to me that these flowers were beautiful all on their own, that I didn’t need substances to make them beautiful. I cried again, and wished everything was back to the way it was before my drug use.

Overall, and despite my prior use of drugs and hallucinogens, I have never had an experience as terrifying as this one; in no small part because of the extreme pain I felt the entire time, and the difficulty breathing. Though I often have used psychedelics to reach spiritual states, I have been practicing my spiritual beliefs sober, and have joined a 12-steps group. I am receiving support from my friends, who give me little to no peer pressure to use. Though I wish I could have reached this conclusion without such an awful experience, if that’s what it took to start me on the path to being clean, so be it. I will let you, the reader, make your own conclusions of course, but I hope nobody goes through an experience like the one that made me go clean.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 99511
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Oct 31, 2024	Views: 33
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Morning Glory (38) : Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)